“Thanks, Dad.”
As he walked out of my room, Reid’s voice came back on the line. “I’m at Nick’s.”
I told him to stay there, that I’d be there in a few minutes to get him.
By the time my father and I arrived at Nick’s, the party had died down to a lull. A few kids were passed out on the lawn, one of whom was Reid. Luckily, as I scanned the cars in the driveway, I didn’t notice Reid’s. At least he was smart enough not to drive there.
Looping an arm under each of his, Dad and I hoisted Reid up from the lawn and managed to slide him into the back seat without too much trouble. It was a silent drive to Reid’s house. When we approached his house, the front porch light flickered on.
Dad pulled into the driveway and Reid’s mom approached the car. She leaned into the driver’s side door. “Thank you, Ben. I’ve been trying to get a hold of him all night.” Her voice was hushed and raspy; exhaustion hung on every word.
“It’s no problem.” Dad and I got out of the car and helped Reid up to the front porch. He’d sobered up enough to at least realize he was at his own home. Stumbling warily, he walked through the door and up the stairs, leaving me, Rebecca, and my dad in the driveway.
“Dad, can you give us a minute?” There were some things I needed to say to Rebecca and I didn’t need Dad to be worried about me. “I’ll walk home in a few minutes.”
Dad nodded, offered his sympathies once more, and then pulled away.
Rebecca and I sat on the front porch, saying nothing for the first few minutes, letting the black silence of the late night settle around us.
“He loved you.” Her voice wobbled and she held a hand to her chest. She twisted to face me, a sad, lost look shining in her eyes.
I stammered, “I… he… he told you?”
“There are some things a mother doesn’t have to be told, but yes, he did tell me. But, I knew long before he did.” A weak smile pulled at one side of her mouth.
“I’m so sorry.” My emotions took over; my guilt for not coming back for him roiled dangerously in my stomach. “I should have come back, not shut him out. I could have saved him.”
She shook her head. Tears fell in rivers down her face. “I’mthe one who could have saved him, taken him away from here.”
We could’ve sat on that porch for hours, days actually, and traded blame over who could’ve helped him and how we could’ve saved him, but the raw, brutal reality was that we couldn’t.
He was gone and there was no going back.
“I’m going to the funeral. I don’t care that he knew.” I tipped my head to the upstairs window where I knew Shane’s father lay quietly asleep and wholly unaffected by his son’s suicide.
Instantly, her back straightened; her senses went on high alert. “No, you can’t.” She shook her head furiously. “He’ll…” Whatever thoughts were flying through her head couldn’t be formed into words.
“I don’t care.” I shot up from where I was sitting, anger spurring me on. “Let him come down here and tell me what he thinks of me to my face, but he willnotkeep me from saying goodbye to Shane.”
She grabbed my arms as they flailed around in anger. “Shh. Dylan.” Her voice took on an urgent tone, drawing my attention away from cursing the window above us. “I’m serious. You can’t go.”
Seething, I tried to reign in my anger, tried desperately to make sense of what she was telling me. “No.” I shook my head, and pulled my arms from her grasp. “I loved him and he loved me and I need to say goodbye.” I was resolved; there was no talking me out of this. I’d already lost him, but there was no way in hell I was not going to say goodbye.
“I wish you’d listen to me.” Her puffy, red eyes begged me, pleaded with me.
“No… I…”
“He has a gun.” Her words cut through my final protests. “Dylan, just… I know you need to say goodbye, but please, don’t show up tomorrow. For your own safety.” Her last words fell from trembling lips.
Both of us craned our heads to the front door. The loud thudding of stumbling footsteps came from inside, followed by a booming, “Rebecca, where the fuck are you?”
“Go,” she whispered, pushing me down the stairs. “You have to go. Now!” I tumbled and landed in the front bushes just as he opened the door. Without being seen, I was able to scramble to the side of the porch, hidden from his sight.
“Who were you talking to?” Even in the dark, I saw his beady eyes scanning the porch and front yard for someone, for me, even though he didn’t know it was me.
“I just couldn’t sleep. Needed a breath of fresh air. That’s all.” Her eyes were cast downward, her voice no more than a soft, obedient noise.
“You’re lying.” His hand wrapped too tightly around her frail upper arm and she squeaked in pain. “I heard a car. Someone’s out here.” His tone was laced with paranoia.
