When he finally calms down enough to talk, he says, “Guess it didn’t work out for you. Otherwise you’d be too busy to pick up the phone, huh?”
I take a long pull from my beer, cradling the phone between my ear and my good shoulder. “I can’t believe you just left me there. My shoulder is really freaking screwed up, you know?” The end of my words trails off as the phone slides down onto my lap. I need another sip of my drink before I bother to pick it up.
I only catch the tail end of what Reid is saying as I bring the phone back up to my ear. “…wasn’t into you? I thought I caught him staring a few times.”
I laugh. “What are you my gay wingman?”
“Nope. Just a straight guy trying to help out his gay best friend. Besides, I caught him checking you out.” His hand covering the mouthpiece muffles whatever he is saying to Maddy. “So no dice, I guess, huh?”
Reid is your typical guy’s guy in so many ways. Athletic, competitive, a real ass at times. But in so many ways, he’s not.
“He had to drive me home because you left me high and dry.” He laughs, completely pleased by his little plan. “But no, things didn’t work out this time.” I don’t even bother getting into how Conner got to me, how he affected me just by being nice to me, by being kind to me.
“Too, bad. He seems like a nice−”
I cut him off. “Look, my shoulder is pretty fucked. I don’t think I’m going to be in tomorrow. I have the Hernandez files with me. I’ll review them this weekend and fill you in on Tuesday before the session, okay?”
“Sure. But Dylan?” He pauses.
“Uh huh.” My patience is dwindling and the combination of the painkillers and alcohol is diminishing my capacity to pay much attention.
“How do you plan on getting your car back?” he laughs. The ass.
Noticing the frustration in my louder-than-necessary sigh, he answers his own question. “Chill out. I’ll take care of it tomorrow morning on the way to work. Just get some rest.” He sounds like he wants to say more, so I call him on it.
“What else, Reid?”
“It’s just… Make sure you call Dr. Baker, will you?” Reid’s voice is filled with concern and sincerity. The psychiatrist. I have a feeling Reid won’t let up on this, so I give in.
“Sure. Let me figure out my shoulder first, yeah?” Maybe my deflection will make him lay off. I doubt it, but it’s worth a chance.
It must be my lucky day, because when I wake up the next morning, my shoulder feels much better. It’s not one-hundred percent, but I can move it, which is a marked improvement from last night. Knowing that not taking care of it will more than likely keep me out of the gym longer than I’d like, I keep my appointment.
My concern over staying away from the gym has everything to do with me wanting to stay in shape and nothing to do with Conner.
At least that’s what I tell myself.
When I look out the window down into the parking lot, I see my car. Reid and Maddy must have moved it this morning for me. Knowing that they care for me the way they do makes me feel undeserving. Hell, that’s how I’ve felt for the last eight years. Before I get ready for the day, I shoot Reid a text saying thank you for helping me out. Not wanting to be late, I get on with my morning.
After I fill my prescription for some anti-inflammatories, I pick up a few groceries and head back to my apartment to review the files for the session Reid and I have to present next week. It’s annoying to have to flip through all the paperwork with one arm still in a sling, but I manage.
Carlo Hernandez is a sixteen-year-old junior who is new to the Calhoun High School. It’s a predominately white upper-middle class district. Carlo isnotwhite nor is he upper-middle class. His parents were recently arrested for drug smuggling and Carlo had to move in with his aunt who happens to live in the Calhoun school district.
Despite his parents’ criminal activity, Carlo is a good kid. He’s determined to be more than his mom and dad are and he’s taken the move in stride. The other kids, however, are not so willing to accept him. Flipping through the files, I’m more than shocked to see that, in the six weeks since he’s been at Calhoun High, he’s been in four fights, all of which were instigated by the same group of kids.
That’s where Reid and I come in. Even though The Bridge usually works in presenting Gay-Straight Alliance seminars in middle and high schools across the area, we also specialize in bullying mediation. Sadly, Carlo’s case is most definitely one for us.
An hour or so later and my eyes are tired and blurry from reading through everything. I scribble out a few notes, which are mostly illegible, but they’re enough to get the point across to Reid.
I lean back on my couch, and my eyes fall to the shelf of pictures on my wall. Shane stares back at me. His absence is one I feel every single day, in every single inch of my body. With my one good hand, I push myself up off the couch and walk across the small room. Lifting the frame from the shelf feels as if I’m hefting a thousand pounds. The guilt over what I said to him, what I’ll never be able to take back, over what he did before I could help him, all of those things weigh on me.
Fingertips softly ghost over his framed face. It’s a picture from our weekend together in Scranton. We were on our first official date. By official I mean, that we were out in the open, not worrying in the least about who saw us. We didn’t care and we were free.
“I’m so sorry, Shane.” My throat closes and my mouth feels like it just doesn’t want to work. It was so much easier in the years before I came home. I used to drown my sorrows in alcohol and random men. I didn’t feel a damn thing. Numbness was my friend.
But when I got news that Shane’s mom died last year, I had to come back and pay my respects. Shane’s father scared me away after Shane killed himself. I was nothing more than a teenager, and I let him keep me away from saying goodbye to the only person I had ever let myself love. But I wasn’t going to let that happen when I heard about his mother.
Reconnecting with Reid at the funeral had felt like a stroke of luck, one of which I was the least deserving. Having him back in my life has helped me heal in a lot of ways. It’s made me feel like there’s hope for being able to move on. If Reid can find happiness, if he can find love and build his own family, then maybe there’s a chance for me.
