Clicking on the television, I quickly find Sesame Street. “Hey, little dude.” He barely looks up from the toy car he’s chewing on, but when I hold my fist out in front of him, he bumps it. I pull it back and shake it a few times, pretending that he’s hurt me. “Ow ow. When did you get so strong? Show me those muscles.” Braden laughs at me like the fool I am and grunts as he curls his arms into a body builder’s pose. I pinch his biceps, playing along with our little game. “You rock, man.” Reid steps in behind us, holding a mug of coffee up to his mouth as he blows on it. “You keep it up and you’ll be stronger than Daddy real soon.”
I ruffle Braden’s hair as I stand and walk over to Reid. After pouring a cup of coffee, I sit at the table and unwrap my breakfast. “So seriously,” I mumble around a bite of food, “to what do I owe the pleasure?” I slide out a chair on the other side of the small bistro table with my foot, inviting him and his mood to take a seat.
He sits, sips his coffee, unwraps his sandwich, and eats, all without saying a word. I drop my sandwich, and wipe my hands with a napkin as I glare at him. “Look, if it’s about being late to Maddy’s party, I already apologized. I promise to be better, happier, whatever the hell it is you want from me. Could you just say something?”
He still doesn’t say anything, just looks out the small window enjoying his breakfast and sipping his coffee. “Reid, seriously, what the hell? You come over here, wake me up, give me food, and then don’t say a goddamn thing? Are you pissed or not? I don’t get you.” He’s got me so riled up that I’ve lost my appetite.
The answer to why he’s here hits me like a ton of bricks. “Wait a second,” a small smile plays across my face as I let the pieces fall in place. “The last time you brought egg sandwiches was because…is she?”
He shrugs, smirking at me over the rim of his mug. I chuck my wadded up napkin at him across the table. Braden toddles in from the living room and Reid pulls him up onto his lap. “Yeah.” Reid kisses the top of Braden’s head as he tears a small piece of bagel up for him. “We just found out.”
“That’s fantastic, bro.” I can’t hide my happiness; a huge bubble of excitement fills my chest. Being an only child always meant that I longed for family, longed for a sense of belonging. Now that I’ve made my way back to Reid, the closest thing I’ll ever have to a brother, and his family, it’s impossible not to be thrilled over a new edition, even if it’s not my own.
Like that day will ever come.
“It’s still really early and we aren’t telling anyone, but I’m pretty sure that Maddy already told Melanie, so you get to be the first to hear the news, too.” He helps Braden eat a few more bites of his bagel and gives him one of those spill-proof juice cups before setting Braden back down on the floor.
“See,” his tone changes, and I notice it instantly, “that’s how this whole thing works.” His eyebrows quirk up as he moves a hand between the two of us. “I tell you things. You tell me things. We share stuff. Being a family means more than talking about baseballs stats and work.”
“So when should I expect our periods to sync up?”
He shoots me a look and we both laugh aloud. “You can be such a douche, you know that?” he spits out through his laughter.
“As if you aren’t?” Reid holds up his hands, guilty as charged.
When the laughter evaporates, seriousness looms in the air. “I’m serious, Dylan. I meant what I said yesterday. I really think you need to talk to someone, or dosomethingto help clear your head.”
Gazing out the window, I consider his ideas. It’s not as if counseling hasn’t crossed my mind. I’d be a hypocrite if I said that talking to someone about your problems didn’t help. My resistance to the idea of therapy is rooted much more in the very real fact that it would just be too painful.
I crumple up the wax paper from my breakfast and walk over to the sink, dumping the rest of my coffee. I lean against the countertop, stretching my legs in front me, and crossing my ankles. “I know you’re right. I’ll think about it; I promise.”
Reid may not believe me, but I mean it.
Reid cleans up the rest of the stuff from breakfast, and when he stands next to me, he digs his wallet out of his back pocket. “If you’re thinking about slipping me a condom out of there,” I joke, feigning a disgusted look.
He pulls out a business card and drops it on the counter next to me. “Call her. She’s good.” After washing his coffee mug, he dries his hands, and tosses the towel on the counter. “Now get your ass in gear because we’re heading to the park in ten minutes.”
I mutter a few choice curses under my breath as I walk past him.
Fifteen minutes later, we’re taking Braden to the park. After years of being away from home, I wasn’t sure where I’d settle down. Reconnecting with Reid made that decision easier. The small town just outside of Elmira, New York, isn’t so small that everyone knows everything about you; I’ve been there before. But, it’s also not so big that I feel like I’m lost in a mass of chaotic nothingness. Up and coming, it’s young and hip, but still very suburban and family oriented.
There’s a trendy coffee shop and a vintage bookstore, bookended between a boutique-clothing store and a specialty chocolate shop. The cobblestone sidewalks rumble beneath the stroller and Braden makes raspberry noises along the way.
When we get to the park, Braden leaps out of his stroller and immediately plops himself in the sandbox. Reid and I sit on the bench and watch as Braden tosses sand in their air. “Maddy’s gonna rip into you for letting him get so filthy.”
“Whatever. I’ll make it up to her.” He winks suggestively at me, hinting at more than I need to know.
I punch him on the arm. “Keep it in the bedroom, would you?”
“Speaking of bedrooms…” He lets his half-question hang out there, waiting for me to take the bait. He huffs at me when I don’t. “Tell me what happened with Matt. I thought you guys were doing okay.” Reid digs into the diaper bag and pulls out two bottles of water.
I crack mine open, gulping down a few large sips as I contemplate what to say. Shrugging, I grumble, “Just didn’t work out.” Dancing around the question is easier than answering it.
Reid just glares at me, his pissed-off stare speaking volumes, even though no words come out. Right. The whole talking about feelings and shit. After a restless night of sleep, an early morning wake up call, a lecture on how I need mental help, I’m really not up for it. The sun beating on my back seems to just amplify the foul mood I’ve been trying to keep at bay.
“Was it about Shane?” he asks, calmly.
Without being able to put a finger on it, something shifts inside of me and I lash out at Reid. “You know, you’re one to be poking and prodding all of a sudden. You ran away, too. Left it all behind because you didn’t want to deal with the pain either.”
