“Ehh,” he dismissed. “Not my type.”
“Yeah? What is your type then?” I had saved up my questions about his love life, keeping them in my pocket for moments like these, when they could come out casually and hopefully without any of the jealousy I knew I’d feel.
He lifted his frosty mug to his lips and his eyes glued to mine. After taking a big chug, he swiped histhumb along his lower lip, before licking the drops of beer from his skin. “Tall, built, talented, kind. Preferably a blond with long hair. And definitely a beard.”
His words, and his sinfully seductive actions, twisted my tongue into a knot tied so fiercely I could no longer speak. Thankfully, Ryan picked up the slack. “Sorry tonight was kind of lame, but I knew I couldn’t cancel on Miss B.”
“Lame? Are you kidding?” I took a swig of my beer to wash away the disbelief. “Tonight was great. I loved it. Not many people are as generous with their time and skill as you are.”
“I worked there as a kid,” he explained. “And Joe, Miss B’s husband, he was a great man. He did the same for me. Really took me in so I know he would have done the same thing. Plus, it’s kind of impossible to say noto Rory. She always gets her way.”
I laughed because I got the same impression from her as well. Noticing he’d left out the phrase “when I left home,” I decided to leave it be. “Aurora told me how he really loved having you around. I’m sorry I didn’t get to meet him. He sounds like a really great man.”
Before the conversation took a turn down a road neither one of us felt like navigating, Ibusied my mouth with finishing the rest of my meal as did Ryan. When he was finished chewing, he crumbled up his napkin and dropped it on his plate. “You up for one more stop?”
“As long as it’s with you.”
So we paid the check, waved goodbye to the women still ogling Ryan and his tight ass, and drove on into the night.
It was edging close to nine at night, but the sky was so clear that rather than being black, it was a deep shade of purple, almost like a navy blue. It was a color I’d never seen which was especially fitting since I felt like I was sitting next to a man I’d never known. He’d driven us to a wide-open field where absolutely nothing obscured our view of the stars. Without saying a word, he tookmy hand and walked me to a spot for which no map was needed.
Uneasy with the silence between us, which was broken only by the sounds of nature going on, I lead with a lame, “Come here often?” echoing the cheesy pick up line from that first day we spent together.
Ryan chuckled as he lowered himself to the ground. Following his lead, I sat in the grass at his side. Our legs touched but neitherof us had the urge to move. “I do, actually,” he answered. “In those early days, I came here almost every night.” Both wistful and sad, his voice broke my heart.
And despite my earlier promise to myself not to bring up the past, I couldn’t help but wonder if this was his way of silently asking me to prod. “Why did you come here?”
“It’s just so quiet, so peaceful. I was able to sort through whatI was feeling. When I looked up at the stars, I felt like there was some larger purpose to my life. So even though everything was chaotic and in ruins, I got the sense that somehow it would all work out.” He took a deep breath as he reached for my hand. “See?” he added, as he pulled us both down to the ground.
He was right. The stars were dishing out peace like I’d never experienced, and I wasready to eat it up, plate after plate. “It is beautiful,” I said, before clarifying. “But what I meant was, when you left, why Maine? What happened to the full scholarship at Carolina Tech?”
His grip on my hand tightened and I got the distinct feeling he was searching for his words. Maybe he was hoping for the stars to tell him what to say. But after a few seconds of silence, he finally answered.“I didn’t know where to go. So I just got in my car and drove. I had no place in mind, just figured I’d sort it all out while I was driving. I just happened to run out of road before anything made sense. Maine was literally the last stop. There was a small trade school in town, so I figured if I could save up some money, I could go there. Then I was lucky enough to get the job at Joe’s storeand over time it all fell into place.”
Even though the question was itching to be asked, I bit it back because what he’d just shared with me was so perfect I didn’t want to ruin it with asking why he left in the first place. If he would have said anything else, it would have ruined the image I’d built up in my mind. And right now, he was just too perfect for me to screw up.
So rather than pushhim further, I rolled to my side and propped myself up on my elbow. “I think that’s really brave.” It was the truth, truer than the air in my lungs right now.
He moved onto his elbow as well, looking me right in the face. “You’re not going to ask me why I ran away?” he called what he thought was my bluff.
Cupping his stubbled jaw, I summoned all the sincerity I could to make sure he knew hehad nothing to worry about. “Ryan, please, believe me when I say this. I can’t imagine what could have made you leave. So whatever it was, whatever drove you away and scared you that much… well, it had to have been something really serious.” Letting my thumb dance along his lip, I swore, “I won’t ever ask you to tell me what happened. When you’re ready, you’ll tell me. In the meantime, please justknow that, I’m here… not despite what happened, butbecauseof what happened. If you need someone, a friend, a confidant, or more, just to help make sense of it all, then I’m here for that. That’s just how I feel about you.”
He opened and closed his mouth a few times, hoping to land on the right words. “I… uh… I just… I don’t know what to say,” he stammered.
“You don’t have to say anything.”After sealing my words with a sweet, chaste kiss, I added, “Just give me who you really are and I’ll never ask for more.” With those words, Ryan took my mouth, inhaling my air as his own. His tongue danced against mine, taking it for a waltz across the grandest ballroom floor.
And then, without warning, he pulled away, and stood from where he had just been lying. “Not here,” he said, holdingout his hand. I took it, letting the fire race down my arm at his fingers’ touch. When we were face-to-face, he added, “I want you too damn much to have to rush before someone catches us. Let me take you home and… and…,” he stuttered, before settling on, “let me make love to you the way I always should have.”
With the breath stolen from my body, I had nothing left with which to protest. So insteadof begging him to take me right here and now—because my bones were weak without his strength—I held his hand as he led me back to his car.
I had faith that whatever was waiting for me was more significant than what existed in that minute.
After all, that was the feeling I’d had almost all my life when it came to Ryan.
I had to believe that what was to come would always bemorethan what was.
