When I told Ryan he needed to give me one week of his time before he could walk out of my life for good, I was talking out of my ass. In the twenty or so hours it had taken me to drive from home to here, I came up with a million different things to say to him when I saw him. I ran through a variety of conversations, most ending in me begging him to give me one more chance.
But that allwent out the window when I saw him in a freshly pressed black suit. He was so well put together, so gorgeous he could have been a cover model on the latest edition ofGQ.That’s when I knew I had to have him back. I had to make it so that there was no way for him to back out.
So I used his words against him, twisted the scene to work to my advantage, kept the upper hand. And to my surprise, heflourished under my control, did exactly what I wanted of him—agreed to the ridiculous on-the-spot idea that he had to give me an entire week.
The reality of what I committed us to settled in seconds after I checked out of the hotel I was staying at while Ryan cleared his calendar. This was allmyidea. It wouldn’t do me any good to show up at his door and ask him what the plan was. I was justso surprised he went along with it that I found it nearly impossible to figure out what it all meant.
So before going to Ryan’s house, I drove along the ragged shoreline until I found a small-town beach where I could be alone.
As the waves washed along the rocks, sounding like sandpaper gently smoothing the rough edges of a lost soul, my mom’s words echoed in my head once again.
Why don’t youfind out what it’s like to have him in your life?
With the seed of the idea planted in my head, I drove to his house, filled with the hope that this all might work out.
The dread that it would all come crashing down was there, too, dark and hidden in the recesses of my heart where I buried my pain long ago.
If any of this was going to work out, I had to keep my anger at bay and let my warmthshine through. No one was going to want to be with a bitter bastard. I knew that much from experience, or lack of experience, because the truth was that since Ryan left twelve years ago, I’d never let anyone back in.
Even though I had it memorized, I pulled the piece of paper with Ryan’s address on it from my pocket and punched it into my GPS. I had a ten-minute drive to pull myself togetherand act as if I wasn’t affected at all by any of this.
Turning down his block, I was in awe of the houses. They were gorgeous, all custom-built, no doubt. It was a dead end of gigantic proportions, each house larger and more fantastic than the last. The closer I drove to the water, the more majestic the properties. Unable to believe it had taken me here, I checked my GPS to make sure I typedthe address in correctly. “Damn,” I said to myself as I approached what was supposed to be his house. As I pulled down the long and winding driveway, I was left speechless. There was never a doubt in my mind that Ryan would find success and that he had incredible talent where building was concerned, but this went beyond that vision.
Gripping onto the steering wheel so tightly my knuckles turnedwhite, I took a deep breath and gathered my thoughts. No matter where he lived, no matter how big his house, he was still the man I’d once loved. All I had to do was go back to the feelings I was never able to let go of and take that first step. I was so lost in thought about what I was going to say to him, I tripped up the first step. “Idiot,” I cursed myself.
Do you realize how lame you are?
After brushing the dirt off my palms, I successfully completed the remaining four stairs up to his front door. I figured the element of surprise would be ruined by a fancy home security system, with built-in cameras surrounding the front door. But as I stood there, inspecting the carvings decorating the doorframe, I didn’t see any.
Though I had his cell phone number—another piece of informationI was able to get out of Patrick before leaving—I never told him exactly what time I was going to show up. The more cards I could use in my favor, the better. I wanted the element of surprise on my side if I was ever to hope for getting Ryan without his carefully constructed façade in place. So here I was, bright and early at eight o’clock, unwilling to miss a single second of my week with him.
I knocked, calmed my nerves, and leaned my hip up against the doorframe. Footsteps approached from the other side far more quickly than I had imagined. A shirtless, and extremely sweaty Ryan opened the door, shock washing across his face as he saw it was me there waiting for him.
“Uh, hi,” I stammered, my mouth suddenly dry.
He looked me up and down before his eyes settled on mine. “Hi, yourself.”I was proud that he seemed just as uneasy as I was. “Come in,” he greeted, swiping his hand to the side so that I could walk past him. “I’m glad you made it here in one piece. That first step can be real tricky,” he said as he walked in behind me.
Turning around, I felt the heat of my embarrassment color my face. It had always been impossible for me to hide a fast-spreading blush. “You saw that,huh?”
He nodded, smiling as he stifled his laughter.
“Damn! I didn’t see any cameras. I thought I was good.”
That’s when his laughter got the best of him and escaped past his lips in a furious rush. “Dude, you should’ve seen your face when you landed. Oh, actually,” he spoke through his laughter as he walked past me into his kitchen. “Here. You can watch it yourself.”
Oh, for fuck’s sake.He hit a few buttons and replayed it. And then played it again. One more in slow motion just for added effect. “See that?” he asked as he paused the frame. “Your face is awesome. It’s like someone took out your legs from behind you and then just vanished.”
Lost to his own laughter, I let it take me over. Besides, laughing with someone who was laughingatyou was better than not, right?
As thelaughter faded, he clicked a few buttons on the camera, putting it back onto the live feed. He spun back around to face me, explaining, “Micro cameras. They’re hiding in the woodwork, up in the corbels and in the niches of the doorframe.”
Yeah, I was definitely impressed.
Without the laughter and embarrassment, the silence stretched out between each second, making it feel like hours had goneby since either of us had said a word. I was more than thankful when he offered me a cup of coffee. He worked on the other side of the large island, giving me full view to his chiseled-from-stone body. Watching him take a mug out of the top cabinet, his muscles bunched together like a work of art. The flex of his bicep as he pulled the coffee pot out from its station had my body wanting things itshouldn’t want, pleasure it didn’t deserve. When he turned back around and slid my mug toward my waiting hand, I found it impossible not to look at his chest. He truly was a work of art, one which I was drooling over.
“So how does this work exactly? This whole week thing?” He spoke around the rim of his mug, the soft curves of his lips puckering up as he blew a steady stream of cool air overthe piping coffee. Call me crazy, but I swore I heard more interest in his voice than anything else.
I wanted to admit that I had no idea, that I had come up with the whole plan just so I could be around him, but I also wanted to seem like I had control over everything.Talk about toeing a fine line.On the spot, I thought up a few ground rules. “I have seven days to make you realize what you’dbe walking away from. And you have that same amount of time to think about how empty your life will be without me in it.”
