“No, I don’t know anything about themoney, but—”
“Exactly.” His tone let me know he’d already had enough of the conversation.
The cold, hard stare shining in his eyes sparked something in me. “I might not know every single little detail, but I know I don’t want to go there. Just because he’s going to play college for NC State doesn’t mean I have to waste my life away there.” My father was very much a controlling jerk most of thetime. We’d never gotten along and I knew Patrick was by far his favorite. But I never feared he’d hurt me.
That was until now.
Almost methodically, he stood from his seat. Leaning aggressively forward, his large body ate up the space between his chair and mine. I hated myself so much in that moment because I felt weak. Even though I had talked myself into standing up for what I wanted just minutesago, I was now nothing more than a scared little boy afraid of what his father would do to him. “Ryan, you listen to me once and for all. I don’t care what you study. You can go off doing your own artsy bullshit, but if you ever,ever,question my decision again—”
“That’s enough, Stephen.” His icy glare moved from me to Mom. She softened him enough to make him sit down, but he didn’t give upon his tirade of telling me what to do. And she didn’t stand up for me any further.
By the time she’d offered a change of subject, talking about her tennis club, or maybe it was golf club, I’d already lost my fight. The courage I’d felt withered away and again I was nothing more than an onlooker in the story of my family.
After dinner, I retreated to my room, hoping everyone would just leaveme alone. They didn’t usually bother, so why would tonight be any different? My typical means of passing time was video games, but that didn’t hold my interest much. Even screwing around on my phone, mindlessly scrolling through stupid posts from people at school wasn’t giving me the break from my day that I so desperately craved.
Beyond frustrated and exhausted, I flopped onto my bed. It wasone of those eerily quiet nights. The sky was pitch-black, looking more like something from a piece of art than real life. Dotted with a million points of sparkling lights, the stars were mesmerizing.
I sat up, moved closer to the window, and gazed out at the stars.
It wasn’t one of those epiphany-like moments, with fireworks illuminating my brain or a figurative light bulb lighting up overmy head. It came over me in a slow wave, like water lapping up onto the shore, slowly pulling a few grains of sand back with it on each pass. Wave after wave, the feeling built until a sandcastle appeared in my visions.
After writing down a few ideas, I felt satisfied with the infant plan coming to life in my head. Dad might have an idea of how my future was supposed to go, but he wasn’t theonly one to have an opinion.
Now I just had to build up the courage to share it with him.
