Up until now, my life had been nothing more than a tangled knot of all my regrets, so tightly wound together it would be impossible ever to figure it out.
But this changed everything.
After gently nipping on his lip, I broke the kiss. A shuddery breath passed my lips as I rested my forehead against his. “Is that why you’re here?” Quinn asked, his voice raspy and his breathing as unevenas mine. “To kiss me senseless and then walk away?”
“Senseless, huh?” I couldn’t miss the opportunity to push his buttons, especially because I knew my true intent. “I didn’t realize I was that good.” I let a small smile pull on my lips as his eyes lit with humor.
He shrugged, saying, “Maybe it’s because I’m that good. Did you ever think of that?”
Without missing a beat, I responded with asmuch seriousness as I could pull together. “Every damn day,” I whispered, hoping he would hear the honesty of my words, “for the last six months, all I’ve thought about was just how good you were. It kept me awake at nights, driving me to the point of madness, especially because I knew there was nothing I could do about getting you back.”
“So why didn’t you? I mean, if you wanted to talk to me,why didn’t you just do it? Why did you go out of your way to ignore me all this time?” he asked, beyond confused. “And don’t tell me it’s because you’re a fuck up,” he warned.
Other than the acceptance letter in my pocket, Quinn was the only good thing in my life. I knew I had to be honest with him if I’d ever hope to earn his trust again. “Because I’m scared,” I admitted. “This feeling betweenus, it’s all so fucking scary. And I just didn’t know how to process it all. Being gay, falling for you, it was more than I could take. And I chickened out, not because I’m a fuck up, but because I’m so fucking scared of messing it all up.”
Quinn’s admission that he was scared too soothed my raw nerves. “In case you forgot, this is my first time going through this all, too. I’m no expert,” headded. He pulled me back to the bed, where we sat beside each other letting the silence comfortably spread out before us. Holding my hand in his, his eyes met mine and we exchanged a small smile. “What if we decided to be afraid together?” He squeezed my hand on his question as his eyes searched mine.
“But what if—”
“You mess it up?” he finished the rest of my unasked question for me.
All Icould do was nod, because right now, the thought of giving this up for good was too much for me to process.
“Then we fix it.”
“You make it sound so simple.” Quinn was ever the hopeful romantic, always looking at any situation from the best possible angle, but all I could see was all the ways this would-be relationship could crash and burn.
“It doesn’t have to be complicated. We figure it outas we go. It can be just as simple as that,” he explained as if it truly was no big deal.
“Does anyone know… about you?” I asked, keeping his hand in mine. Shame filled my chest knowing that simply saying the wordgaywas still an issue for me.
Quinn nodded. “My family. I already told you that Sarah’s known for a while, but I told my parents last week. I haven’t told my friends yet. What aboutyou? Still no one?”
Hanging my head, I muttered, “Just you.”
Quinn’s fingers gently lifted my chin so he could look directly into my eyes. “And it’ll stay that way for however long you need. Just promise me one thing,” he begged, his voice filled with equal amounts of pain and hope. Thick emotion blocked my ability to speak, so all I could do was nod in response. “When you get scared, don’tturn your back on me. I don’t think I could survive that again.”
As if they had a mind of their own, my hands went to his face, cupping both sides of his jaw. Ever so gently, I pressed my lips to his and whispered, “I promise.”
And with those two words, the atmosphere changed. They were the vow Quinn needed to hear before pulling me down onto the bed, his warm and willing body the perfect cushionto soften my fall. Within seconds, we were all hands, mouths, and tangled legs, and breathless need. Where our shirts had been bunched up, our stomachs touched, skin to skin, and it felt as if I were on fire. Grabbing at the hem of his T-shirt, I searched his eyes for the permission I so desperately needed. Rather than speaking, he grabbed for my shirt and at the same time, we undressed eachother from the waist up. My hands shook with uncontrollable nervousness. He was so perfect. My mouth went dry and whatever ability I had to form words was gone.
Somehow, maybe because he was stronger than I could ever imagine, Quinn shifted his body weight so that instead of me being on top of him, we were lying next to one another. We both propped ourselves up on our elbows and explored eachother’s bodies with our eyes at first. Eventually, my ability to speak returned. “You look incredible,” I admitted. “For months I’ve been wondering what your body looked like.”
“And?” he prodded with light in his eyes.
“It’s even better than I imagined.” And it was the damn truth. His chest looked as if it had been chiseled. The dusting of light blond hair covering his skin, forming a darker,more sinful trail down the center of his flat stomach was almost too much to bear. My fingers itched with the need to touch him. And the second they grazed his skin, all control was lost.
My touch danced over his chest and I reveled in the fact that I made him shudder in delight. Having zero experience whatsoever, every move I made was out of pure instinct. Fingertips moved over nipples, pausingbriefly to offer a soft pinch and gentle flick. His responding groan of pleasure and undulating hips made me feel as if I was playing an instrument. It also made me needy as fuck. “I need you to touch me,” I begged. “Please.” I was desperate and I didn’t care if he knew it. I wanted his hands on me. I needed his touch like my next breath because I knew his hands would be the balm to heal my soul.
“I thought you’d never ask,” he joked as he dropped his hand to my hip. Half of his touch was on the top of my jeans and the other half on the burning hot skin of my waist. My nerves went into hyper drive. As much as I’d fantasized about his hand moving over my dick, the reality of it set in and my stomach twisted in the most delicious of knots. When his fingertips trailed up my back, over myshoulder, and down to the center of my chest, my heart raced so quickly I wondered if Quinn could hear it beating. He hooked his leg around mine and pulled our bodies even closer together. His hardened length pressed against mine and a groan fell from my lips. “You feel even better than I imagined.”
And then all our words evaporated into the heated air billowing around us. We were nothing morethan needy mouths and greedy fingers, tasting and touching with a need so desperate they’d never be satisfied. It wasn’t long before we were both toying with the edges of the other’s waistband, dipping a finger cautiously under the fabric, testing the water of our willingness.
Pulling back from his body gave me enough space to explore even further. I held his heated gaze as steadily as possiblewhile my lone fingertip trailed his skin from over his hip, down to the center of his stomach. He gasped as I followed the path of his hair to where it disappeared behind his zipper. Letting my nerves give way to my desires, I followed the length of his cock over the fabric, suddenly hating the material separating us. “How do we do this?” I asked, my voice mirroring the nervousness brewing in mychest.
“Together,” he said, but it came out more like a question. His fingers toyed with my waistband, mimicking the motion I’d just used on him. Grinding my cock into his willing palm as a response sent a fire racing through his body, forcing him to press his length into my own hand.
Bravery and desire fueled my next move. Keeping my eyes locked to his, I worked my hand down the front of hismesh shorts, yet keeping it on top of what I imagined to be the tightest pair of boxer briefs ever. With my hand trapped between two layers of fabric, I moved my fingers over his cock. The bulges of his veins and ridge of his crown teased my fingertips and my brain struggled to remember how to draw in the air of my next breath.
