Ryan:Really?
Me:Yeah.
Ryan:Good. Because there’s no way that just once will be enough.
Me:So are you coming over?
A rush of excited nervousness spread through my chest at the thought of seeing him again, so soon and so illicitly.
Ryan:Yes.
I was in the middle of figuring out how to get downstairs to the guest room without waking anyone up when his next text came through.
Ryan:But not tonight. I was just testing you ;)
That damn winking emoji made me smile like crazy.
Me:Well played. How about tomorrow afternoon?
Ryan:It’s a date. Goodnight.
Me:G’night.
I fell asleep with my phone in my hand and my heart on my sleeve. There was part of me that knew doing this, whatever it was, with Ryan was a risk. But damn, if just thinking about him mademe this content, I knew he was a risk worth taking.
He wasn’t in school the next day. Or the day after that. When he didn’t respond to any of my texts over that three-day weekend, even those inviting him over for dinner, I began to worry that I’d done something wrong. But as everything replayed inmy head, and as I reread our texts, I knew that wasn’t possible. With my worries about me somehow fucking it all up calming, a new set of concerns took root in my chest.
What if he had a change of heart?
But even that thought seemed ridiculous. I’d read our texts so many times, I practically had the conversation memorized. He was being playful and lighthearted, which was such a huge shift forhim. So maybe he just needed some time.
Unless, of course, it was something more than that.
What if his family somehow found out? What if he decided to tell them? What if he had a change of heart and decided that he never wanted to see me again?
Then I took a deep breath and told myself I was overreacting like a fool. My typical M.O.
While those ideas all felt equally unlikely, not talkingto him had made me a nervous wreck. I couldn’t help but think of the last time he had been out. His brother beating him was probably the most likely culprit, and just thinking about Ryan suffering like that made my heart hurt.
Even though he was back at school today, it had been over a week since we’d seen each other outside of class, since we’d made out, since I’d jerked off thinking of him,since we’d texted, and in my mind it may as well have been a year. The silence between us rang out loud and clear. Our communication was suddenly limited to class, when he was even there. Every time I tried talking to him it was awkward,offin some way. Whatever hope I’d had for whatever I thought we were up and vanished the second he wouldn’t give me more than a softly muttered, “Hey,” in class.
Beyond frustrated at it all, I knew I had to say what was on my mind and figure out what the hell was going on in his head. As I walked to my car, I saw Ryan walking away from the school, just like he’d done every day in the last ten days. And just like every day for the last ten days, he’d walk home, hanging his head low, not even giving me a second look as I drove past.
But today was different.I’d had enough and I wanted answers. “Get in,” I said, pulling to a stop right next to him.
“It’s okay. I can walk,” he answered and took another few steps.
Coasting alongside him, my annoyance bubbled over. “Oh, so youcanspeak,” I pointed out sarcastically. “I was beginning to think you’d become mute or something like that.”
“What are you talking about?” There was a defensive tone in hisvoice and an anger in his eyes as he continued to walk next to my car.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” My blood boiled. This had to be a joke. “What the hell is your problem?” I was practically yelling, but Ryan seemed as calm as ever as he told me to leave him alone. Gripping the steering wheel did nothing to tame my emotions. Nothing about any of this made sense and even though he was being anasshole of epic proportions, I was determined to get to the bottom of this. “Just get in the fucking car, would you?”
“Whatever,” he scoffed and continued walking.
“Fine. Have it your way,” I answered, more to myself than to him since he was already out of earshot. Pulling up behind him, I parked the car in front of a random house.
“What are you doing?” The bastard didn’t even bother to lookat me as he spoke.
