“Fine, I understand,” he spoke to my back. “But don’t push Chase away. Not like you did the last time. You deserve better, and so does Chase.”
“Peter,” I announced my entrance into his office, but I knew he wouldn’t hear me until I was right in frontof him. “Doctor Cosentina, I need to speak with you.”
“Noah, yes, come in. Is it about the awards tomorrow? Have you prepared your speech? You know you have to give a speech, right?”
“Well, sir, there’s something I’d like to talk to you about,” I said, more asking than telling as I lowered myself into the chair on the opposite side of his desk.
“Of course. What is it?” Concern etched deeplyinto his face as he folded his hands on the desk.
After taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, I said, “I can’t accept the award. I don’t—”
“That’s so odd, because I received a call not long ago from a gentleman who told me I’d probably hear from you today to tell me those exact words.”
“Doctor Baker?” I asked, having a gut feeling that Wes would do something like that.
“Actually,no. He stopped in and talked to me.” I knew it. But then he continued, telling me about the call he received. “It was a young gentleman. Apparently you’d been present the night his parents died, and he heard that you were thinking about turning down the award because you couldn’t save them. He said he was a friend of Doctor Baker’s actually.”
“It’s true,” I admitted. “That’s why I can’t—”
“Iunderstand,” he said resolutely. Standing from his chair, he held out his hand for me to shake. “I can’t make you accept the award. You have to make the decision that’s best for you.” He paused for a moment, hoping I’d change my mind no doubt. When I didn’t, he nodded, making his understanding clear. As he escorted me to the door, he added, “But I hope you’ll still be there. It’s important to theentire hospital staff that we all come together to celebrate our hard work.”
“Yes, sir,” I answered, even though I didn’t want to be within an inch of the place.
Relief washed over me knowing that I wouldn’t have to accept an award I knew I didn’t deserve. After excusing myself from his office, I went back to work, back to my regular routine of burying myself in my work in order to avoid thechaos of my real life.
I hadn’t spoken to Chase since I walked away from him two nights ago. Shame filled my heart every time I thought about calling him, and I hated myself for letting that emotion outweigh my need to see him, to hold him and tell him how sorry I was for my involvement in it all.
But I knew no amount of apologies would ever be enough atonement for it all.
After making my rounds,I took a quick break. Needing some fresh air, I went out front and sat on the bench under the shade of a tree. I hated how the hospital was haunted for me now, images of what Chase and Benny must have gone through floating through my brain like that of a ghost.
And just like that, as if I’d summoned him out of thin air, Benny walked up to me. “Hey, kid,” I greeted, standing from the bench. “Shouldn’tyou be in school?”
“Dude, it’s three fifteen. And I’m a senior. I’ve been done for hours now.”
“Practice?”
“Day off,” he answered quickly.
“So then what’s up? Is everything okay? Chase—”
“He’s fine. A big old pain in the ass, lately, but he’s fine. We’re both good.” He held his hand up in a Boy Scout salute, adding, “I promise,” before he laughed.
I couldn’t help but laugh with him. ButI felt guilty for talking with Benny when I hadn’t even gathered enough courage to call Chase in the last two days.
“I accepted a scholarship,” he told me, his words cutting through my distracted brain.
“Holy crap! That’s fantastic.” Clapping a hand on his shoulder, I pulled him into a hug “I’m so proud of you. Where? Full ride? Tell me all about it.”
A proud smile pulled at his lips and eyesshone brightly as he shared all the details. “Division one, full ride for four years. It even covers books and a meal stipend. So I don’t have to pay for anything. Which is just what we needed, you know?”
“Yeah, I can imagine. So where?”
“UConn.” Excitement colored his voice, and if possible, he smiled even brighter.
“Awesome. I’m so proud. What did your brother say? He must be ecstatic.”
Benny took a deep breath and looked up at the tree, the leaves casting odd shadows on his face. And when he refocused his attention back on me, I could tell something was bothering him. “I haven’t told him yet,” Benny admitted, running his hands over his thighs nervously. “I don’t know what he’ll think and I don’t know for sure I’m going to take it anyway.”
