Needing to get in that extra jab, I spat, “Because you stopped caring.”
“Bullshit,” he called out, slamming his fists down on the table. “I may have been a shitty-ass friend, but I didn’t stop caring about you.” His tone, angry, combative, hurt even, rocked through me. “It’s just….”His words faded, as did his bravado.
“What? What is it?” Poking the angry bear was a bad idea because the words he spoke changed everything.
“Theo told me….” There was no need to say the rest. The look on my face gave everything away. But he asked, “Is it true?” anyway.
Years of conversations I’d wanted to have, with him, with my parents, my brother, fuck, with anyone, played through my reelingbrain. It wasn’t something of which I was ashamed or embarrassed. Up until this point, it had simply been something no one else knew. Now that I was faced with the chance to speak the words, they stuck in my throat. It had nothing to do with the secret they’d admit.
It had everything to do with the crush I’d harbored for years.
Without saying anything, I nodded—a warm-up of sorts.
“Damn,” hehalf cursed, half laughed the word. “I knew it.”
“What?” Disbelief washed over me. “You knew I was gay?”
Sobering, he leaned back in his chair, taking a deep breath. “I mean, I had an idea. You never had a girlfriend. And hell, Madison was practically serving herself up on a silver platter to you and you wouldn’t take a bite.”
“Maybe if everyone else hadn’t already done the same—” I startedbefore he cut me off.
“And if she, you know, had a dick!”
I laughed. “That too.” And somehow, just like that, the easy air of our pre-college days friendship returned.
“Wait?” he gasped, as if some earth-shattering realization had just crashed into him. “Does that mean… are you a virgin?” Leave it to Gavin to bring it all down to sex.
With more words I had never shared with anyone on the tipof my tongue, I laughed. This is what friends talked about, right? Sex. I wouldn’t know because it was always a very one-sided conversation where Gavin and I were concerned. He’d usually go on and on about her tits and ass, about how many times he hit that. But before I could even say a word, the look on my face must have given me away.
“Who?” he begged, without an ounce of the disgust I expectedto be there.
Hiding my head behind my hands, I admitted, “Ramon.”
He hooted in laughter, but I knew it had so much more to do with who it was than what we did. “Ramon?” he asked through his laughter. “Seriously? Ramon? The foreign exchange student?”
“He promised he wouldn’t tell anyone.”
“He barely spoke English,” Gavin managed through his laughter.
Letting my laughter fade away a bit, Inodded in agreement. “I know. That’s why I figured my secret was safe with him.” As far as the secret that I had once harbored a huge crush for Gavin, that wasn’t going anywhere.
When we’d reminisced about Ramon and his broken Spanglish, Gavin asked a question that rocked me to my core. “Did your parents know?”
Unable to speak past the lump in my throat, or maybe it was shame keeping me silent—shamefor never being open with them, not over what I’d kept a secret—I simply shook my head.
“Benny?”
“Nope.”
On a deep breath, he added, “Well, then call me Ramon, because your secret is safe with me.” Holding out his fist, he waited for me to bump it. After he continued, saying, “You should tell him. Benny,” he said, when I shot him a questioning look, knotting my brows together. “You know hewon’t care and if it’s only you two—”
“I know,” I agreed. “But first I have to figure out how to get myself out of this fucking hole we’re in.”
“Yeah, this place is kind of a shit heap,” he said, looking around said shit heap.
Attempting to defend my new apartment, I said, “Hey.” But once I followed his gaze, looking around the place, I couldn’t agree more. “I guess it is a bit of a mess. Butin my defense,” I continued, holding my hands up in mock defense, “I’m broke as fuck.”
“Is there any way I can help?” Gavin asked, his words covered in guilt.
