“Because you didn’t trust me.” I cut in, turning to face him.
He ran a hand through his hair as he sighed. “No, I didn’t. And it was the biggest mistake of my life.”
It took all my energy not to flip the fuck out at him. My fist clenched and my breathing hitched in my throat. I had to let it go. Holding on to it was only going to kill me. And the bottom line was that we were here, together. I made my choice when I walked away from the life I’d created with a massive web of lies. And if I walked away from Jude now, it would all have been for nothing.
On a deep breath, I filled my lungs with the oxygen they so desperately needed. As I stood from my chair, I decided to let it all go. Whatever the hell happened with Leon was over and done with. “So where are we going?” I asked, changing the topic of conversation entirely.
Jude’s face softened, letting me know he welcomed the change as well. “You’ll see,” was all he said as he stood. Facing me, his eyes sparkled. Taking one more step forward, he closed the gap between us. Ever so lightly, his hand brushed my cheek, and it was impossible not to lean into his touch. “I’m so sorry. And I would do anything to go back and change it all, but I can’t.” He lifted his other hand to the other side of my face. “All I can do is promise that I’ll never let you down again.”
“That’s a pretty steep promise. I don’t know anyone who can keep promises like that.” My voice wavered as it thickened with emotion.
Keeping his eyes glued to mine, our lips touched, sending sparks racing everywhere across my body. His tongue dipped into my mouth, a shallow sweep, setting my pulse into a frenzy from which I wasn’t sure I’d ever recover. There was something soft and sensual about this kiss, so different from the passionate needy ones of our time together yesterday.
God, how was that only a day ago?
“I can. And I will,” he muttered, resting his forehead against mine. “And if that kiss didn’t convince you, I’ll prove it to you later.”
Without saying another word, he laced his fingers into mine and pulled me back inside where he’d already packed an overnight bag. My anxiety skyrocketed. “I can’t leave Sarge alone.”
He laughed as he said, “Already a step ahead of you.” From behind the large duffle bag which obviously held clothes for both of us, he pulled out one of those reusable canvas grocery bags, holding Sarge’s bowls and food. “Are we good now?” he asked, a light touch of sarcasm covering his words as he smiled brightly at me.
It dawned on me; he was letting go of the past, too. There was something lighter and more hopeful hovering around him. Yet despite the changes that seemed so apparent even to me, I couldn’t help but wonder if he’d ever change enough to come out to his friends.
And lingering just beneath the excitement of my decision to move on lay the constant worry that I’d never be able to come out either.
But as we walked out of his house, I pushed those thoughts out of my head. Instead of focusing on the possibility of everything blowing up in my face, I chose simply to feel the comfort of his hand in mine, to see his bright eyes shining as they looked in mine, to bask in the warmth of his smile.
For now, the possibility of a better tomorrow was a hell of a lot better than focusing on the grim days of our past.
