Somewhere in the distance, I heard my name. Warmth surrounded me as the pebbles bit into my legs. “Jude.” Fingers grazed through my hair then down my face, lingering on my jawline. Blinking, my world came into focus.
And the first thing I saw when I came to was Micah.
His face twisted in concern. Only when he saw me open my eyes fully did it relax. “Hey,” he said softly. When he removed his hand from my face, I missed the heat of his touch. We sat together on the ground, my head resting against his leg. Despite the blood trickling from my kneecaps, I wanted to stay here forever. But remembering the reason I ended up passing out, I knew I had to move away from him. “Easy,” he commanded gently. “You just passed the fuck out. You gotta go slow.”
And damn he was right. Even the slightest movement had my head spinning again. My stomach roiled with nausea. Luckily, it wasn’t too far for me to prop myself up against the tree next to Micah. With my arm touching his, I was dizzy again for an entirely different reason.
“Here.” Micah handed me the last of the water. “What happened?” He didn’t pull away from me as he spoke.
That spurred me on. It was either his body next to mine, or the bump on the back of my head, but something shifted inside me, driving me to tell him what I had never told anyone. “I, uh, need to tell you something.” My voice was thick with uncertainty, but when he looked at me, his deep green eyes seeing through everything I showed the world, it vanished, and I felt safe.
“If it’s that I stink like ass, don’t waste your breath. I can already smell me,” he joked, but he quickly saw I wasn’t laughing.
Seriousness hung in the air, thick as the early summer heat. “It’s not that. Listen, I, uh, I’ve never told anyone this.” Shifting in my spot, I turned to face him, and he did the same.
“Look, Jude, whatever it is, you know you can trust me.” His encouragement settled some of the nervousness twittering in my chest.
On a deep breath, I mustered up the final bit of courage I needed to say the actual words. Keeping my eyes focused on his, I needed him to see what I had to say as much as I needed him to hear it. “Micah, I’m gay.”
Three words forever changed my world.
Someone else knew it. They knew who I was. They knew the part I’d spent my life keeping hidden from everyone.
And I couldn’t be happier that person was Micah.
But he still hadn’t said anything. Shock was written all over his face, and I worried that I’d somehow lost the only friend I ever had. “Say something, please,” I begged, hoping it wasn’t hatred silencing him. Yet, even with my prompting, he didn’t speak. With each passing second, visions of horrible scenes played out in my head.
He was going to tell everyone.
They would beat the shit out of me.
I’d be even more of an outcast than I was already.
And worst of all, I wouldn’t have Micah in my life.
A lead ball of anxiety sank in my gut. “You hate me,” I muttered under my breath. I tried to stand, but my legs were still weak. My head still spun.
“Sit down,” Micah demanded as he helped me settle back down onto the ground. “I don’t hate you. At all,” he affirmed. He dropped his hand to my leg and fire shot across my skin. “I just . . . it’s just that I don’t know what to say.”
“Nothing,” I spat, hating myself for saying anything at all. “You don’t have to say a fucking word.” Anger raced through my veins. Moving with more speed than I should have, I stood up. Everything spun around me, and Micah stayed silent. My face red with embarrassment—at my confession, at my reaction to his, at my fucking waste of a life—I turned away from him. “I’m going home,” I said flatly.
“Jude, wait—”
His words fell on my back. “No, it’s okay. I shouldn’t have said anything in the first place.” The anger I felt just moments ago faded in a flash, leaving me deflated and utterly exhausted.
“I’m glad you told me.” Micah’s mouth pulled into a soft smile, his lips curling up ever so slightly in the corners as I turned around. “Really, it’s okay. I don’t care.”
His words were simple, but they conveyed so much more than their face value. They gave me solace. Laced in comfort, they helped soothe the raw edges of my nerves. “You sure?” I needed his reassurance.
“Yeah, of course.” He slapped my shoulder, and I fought hard to ignore the way his touch affected me. He might know I was gay, but he didn’t have to know he was the one I wanted.
Some secrets would always remain hidden.
We walked home without saying much else. He knew my secret, and I knew it was safe with him. With an awkward air swirling around us, we didn’t know what to do with ourselves. We didn’t know what to say, or how to act. So we simply said we’d see each other tomorrow.
Laughing at myself, I realized not much had changed since then. That was exactly what happened last night. When the conversation took an awkward turn, he said he was going to bed, and that was that.
Determined not to let that happen again, I shifted the car into Park and let out a deep breath. The excitement of walking into my house and finding Micah there became overwhelming, so much so that I found myself tripping over my own feet as I walked up to the front door.
