This week has been absolute hell. I wish I could say that being without Reid is the only thing that has made it that way, but I would be lying. All I’ll say is that morning sickness is no joke. And it’s also not limited to the morning. I keep telling myself that it’s all worth it, that plenty of women go through much worse and I am beyond happy, but the throwing up has got to stop at some point, right?!
But I do miss Reid. We talk every night and he texts me sweet nothings while I’m busy at work, but it’s not the same as being next to him, feeling his warm solid body next to mine in bed. I know it’s silly to miss him this much. It’s only a week and with the possibility of him not being able to move his internship, I might have to get used to the idea of being separated from him more often.
Thinking about Reid and about our future has me up before my alarm rings. The queasiness I’m feeling is also keeping me from sleep. I’ve learned to keep some crackers on hand at all times. They seem to have helped this morning because as I climb out of bed and get ready to shower, I don’t feel like I’m going to puke. I don’t feel great by any stretch of the imagination, but I feel like I can at least make it through the morning without hurling.
When I leave for work, Mel is still fast asleep. She’s been going out a lot lately with some people I don’t really care for. I think being apart from Bryan has really gotten to her. They’re still not on the same page with their relationship and I know that it’s crushing her. I wish I could be there for her more, but she keeps pushing me away. It’s not an overt thing, but she’s just avoiding me. Sleeping when I’m awake or going out when I’m home. I miss her and I just wish she and Bryan figure things out.
The morning passes quickly at work. I really do love my job. The women here are amazing and kind and so funny. I haven’t told any of them about the baby yet. I plan on telling Kathy soon as I’ll need to make plans for some kind of maternity leave.
As my lunch break approaches, my unsettled stomach returns; however, I know this queasiness has nothing to do with my morning sickness. I’m nervous because I’m meeting Jay for lunch. After Reid knocked him out last week, I had to call him to apologize. I didn’t feel right leaving things the way we did. I need for him to know that we’re done and that I’m with Reid, but he doesn’t deserve to be treated like a piece of trash.
I told Reid as much over the phone the other night. He wasn’t happy with my decision. He started ranting about how I’m his and he won’t share me and all that crap. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes non-stop at the pointlessness of his anger. After telling Reid, more times than I thought was necessary, that I do, in fact, want to be with him and only him, he finally relented.
I’m lost in my daydream about Reid and our love as I sit at the table in the local diner waiting for Jay to show up. My sweet and innocent thoughts quickly morph into reminiscing about our last rather steamy love making session. God, I hope the doctor gives us the go ahead tomorrow. I miss his touch so much that even thinking about it makes me have to squeeze my thighs together in a vain attempt to get some kind of relief.
Of course, Jay chooses this moment to slide into the booth. At least he’s smart enough to sit across from me rather than next to me.
“Hey, Maddy. You look good.” His chipper tone is light and cheerful and it makes me hopeful that I’ll actually be able to survive this lunch.
I smile brightly at him and say, “Thanks, Jay. You look good too. Thanks for meeting with me.” I meet his eyes and offer him a sincere look. “I feel so bad about what happened last week.” I fold my arms in front of me on the table and he notices that my cast is gone.
“All healed now?” He eyes my arm and his voice is happy, relieved almost.
I hold up my atrophied arm. “Oh, yeah. It still feels so weird to have it off, but so good too. I just got it off yesterday. Thank goodness it isn’t summer time. That would have been one hell of a tan line.” We share a light laugh, which the waitress interrupts.
She takes our drink order and when I order a ginger ale, Jay eyes me suspiciously.
“Finally quit that Cherry Coke habit, huh?” Leave it to Jay to remember the smallest details.
“Um, yeah, I guess so.” I’m pretty sure he hears me tumbling over my words. I’ve been here for less than five minutes and already, I feel like an idiot.
I avert his probing eyes by reading over the menu. Nothing looks appetizing and the distinct smell of eggs wafting out from the kitchen is only adding to my unsettled stomach.
Jay flattens his menu out on the table and folds his arms across it. We used to come here all the time so I don’t even have to ask. I eye him over the top of my menu. “Same as usual?” I ask.
His lips curl into a happy little smile that I’ve remembered what he orders. “Yep. Bacon cheeseburger deluxe.”
At the mere thought of the grease, my stomach revolts and I jump out of the booth. I can’t even get the words “excuse me” out of my mouth.
Sprinting to the bathroom, I’m more than grateful that it’s unoccupied as I empty the contents of my stomach in the sink. When the heaves stop, I rinse my mouth with some cool water and drag a damp paper towel across my face. Checking my reflection in the mirror, I can’t help but notice the pale green hue that my skin has taken on.
Good luck concealing this one, Maddy.
As I walk back to the table a few minutes later, Jay has a concerned look on his face. He stands as I get to the booth and grasps my shoulder in his strong hand. He looks into my eyes and his large brown eyes glow with warmth and love.
“Are you okay, Maddy?” he asks as we slide into our seats.
The waitress has delivered our drinks, and before I answer him, I take a sip of the ginger ale. It’s refreshing and even the tiny sip helps to settle my nerves marginally. “I’m good. I…” My words trail off as the waitress returns to take our order.
Whipping out her little pad and pen, she asks, “What’ll you have, sweetie.”
“I’ll have a plain bagel with cream cheese, please.” It’s about all I can stomach lately and after my recent digestive pyrotechnics, I’d really like to keep something down.
Shifting her attention to Jay, she awaits his order. But, rather than paying attention to the waitress, Jay is looking directly at me as he places his order. “I’ll have the same thing.”
He takes my menu and places it on top of his and then hands them to the waitress. As she walks away, Jay reaches across the table and holds my hand. “What’s going on, Mad? You always get pancakes and bacon. Are you sick or something?”
I came here to clear the air between us, to finally convey to him that there’s definitely no chance of us getting back together. Right now, I can’t think of a more effective way of doing that than to tell him about Reid and the baby.
