“So…” Gemma tapped at her screen again and pointed her phone towards Rory’s face. “What about body shape? You say you’d like a more masculine build. How about this?”
Rory looked at the screen and gasped. The person on the screen was amazing.
“Who’s that?”
“That is Jak,” Gemma explained, “and they are my new favourite person to look at. I mean, take a look at those arms.” She mock-fanned herself, and Rory felt a prickle of jealousy flash through her at the sight of Gemma looking at Jak as she did. Rory pushed those thoughts from her mind and took in the sculpted body of the person on screen in wonder. Jak was of average height, but that was the only average thing about them. Their body rippled with muscle. They wore a pair of shorts and a sports bra, but that was it. They had tanned skin and short, spiky blond hair. Rory watched in awe as Gemma flicked through their Instagram account. They watched a couple of videos, and it was obvious that Jak specialised in fitness and nutrition.
“Jak is a personal trainer who works exclusively with AFAB and trans men.”
“AFAB?” Rory’s head was whirling with the new terms she was learning.
“Assigned Female at Birth.” Gemma explained. “They have a Facebook group, and I joined, you know, for research for you. Everyone there is, or has been, in a similar position to you. Most are butch or masculine presenting, and some of them have transitioned. Jak has developed workout programs for all body shapes, and they have a specific one for women who want to build muscle and have a more masculine build.” Gemma paused and twisted again to look at Rory. “There is a 4-week challenge starting soon for women like you. I thought we could look at it together.” Gemma’s voice was gentle.
“Why would you do it?” Rory took a breath. Her blood ran cold. As much as she wanted to change how she looked, the thought of Gemma losing her curves filled her with dread. Rationally, she knew that Gemma’s body was hers to do with as she wished. Involuntarily, her fingers traced the curve of Gemma’s hip and thigh.
“Oi!” Gemma gently slapped at her hands. “Keep your hands to yourself, please.” She poked Rory on the nose, making the taller woman smile. “And I don’t mean I can ‘do’ the challenge. I think we could look at it together, and you do the sweating and hard work.”
Rory tucked her head into Gemma’s shoulder and squeezed her eyes tightly shut to stop the tears that were forming in them. For the first time in a very long time, she felt seen and accepted. Unlike Darcy, Gemma hadn’t run for the hills or told her she was disgusting for wanting to change her body. She felt loved and cherished and supported.
“Thank you.” She mumbled into Gemma’s shoulder. Her arms tightened around Gemma’s waist, and she buried her face into Gemma’s shoulder. It would have been very easy to tip her head to one side and allow her lips to graze the silkycolumn of Gemma’s throat, but that way lay madness. She kept her head where it was, content for now to be safe and secure with her friend in her arms.
15
GEMMA
Aweek later, Gemma was standing in front of the upmarket shop where she and Rory had decided to go shopping. Summer was firmly in place now, and Gemma was feeling very light and breezy in short denim cutoffs and a vest top. Her hair was loose around her shoulders, and she peered at the tube exit through her sunglasses. After a week in a stuffy office, being outside with the sun on her skin was lovely.
After their evening together last week, they had texted every night since and spoken on the phone twice. Teagan had raised an eyebrow at how often Gemma’s phone pinged around the flat and accused Gemma of having a ‘goofy look’ every time Rory texted her. Gemma knew she was feeling more than friendship for Rory but was determined to keep her feelings under wraps. When Rory had cried on her shoulder last Friday, it would have been very easy to cup her face in her hands and kiss the stuffing out of her, but Gemma knew that wasn’t what Rory wanted or needed right now. She needed a friend, and Gemma was determined to be the best friend she could be.
They had decided to start shopping at a big department store as there would hopefully be enough people wandering around so they could look at clothes in the men’s section without raising too many eyebrows and without putting any pressure on Rory to talk to salespeople. Tomorrow they were going to check out a gym. It was very exciting but also scary. She wondered how far Rory wanted to change. Gemma knew she was attracted to Rory as she was now, and the thought of Rory with even more defined muscles, like Jak, made her mouth dry, her clit throb, and her brain fill with deliciously naughty images of them together. But if Rory wanted to have surgery and transition, Gemma didn’t know how she felt about that. Not that it was her place to have an opinion about it, but still it was in her mind. Would male Rory want her as a friend? Would Rory’s personality change if she were on testosterone? Would male Rory want her as a girlfriend? Would she want to be the girlfriend of male Rory? Was this the correct way to think about her in the future? Would Rory identify as male or female or would she be non-binary? These thoughts had kept her awake more often than she cared to admit over the past week. Gender was such a nuanced thing, and it was entirely possible that Rory might never fully decide on who she was. She bit her bottom lip at that thought. Rory was putting off getting involved with someone until she was sure of who she was, but what if she was never sure? Was Rory shutting out the idea of a relationship unnecessarily, and was she therefore destined to be alone? That thought made Gemma sad. The thought of Rory being alone on this journey was unthinkable. Gemma wondered what it would be like if they had followed their instincts over the weekend with their families and slept together. Would they now be dating? Thewarmth that sped over her at that thought heated her more than the sun that was steadily climbing in the sky.
But it was not on the cards. Rory had been adamant during their talk that she didn’t need a girlfriend but wanted a friend. Would they stay friends if Rory changed? Was she helping her friend to move away from her? The thought made her stomach drop, and a wave of nausea washed over her. She was determined not to let that happen. She had found her friend again and was enjoying having Rory back in her life.
When they had spoken during the week, Gemma had shared her frustrations with her job, how the commute was getting harder as the days got hotter, and generally sharing her day with her friend, and it was lovely. Teagan had been a good friend, and she was always there for Gemma, but Teagan had Brad whereas Gemma was always alone, sometimes even when she was in a relationship. But now, she had Rory to talk to, and it was wonderful.
She pulled herself out of her musing by looking around to see if Rory had arrived and felt her mouth go dry for the second time. Rory was striding up the street in jeans and a polo shirt, and Gemma took in the long lines and lean figure. As usual, she had pulled her hair into an untidy top knot, and she wore sunglasses, hiding her eyes from the world. Gemma smoothed her own t-shirt over her tummy and raised her hand in greeting.
“Hey.” Rory pulled her into a hug, and Gemma smelt her intoxicating scent. She took a deep breath to fill her nostrils with it before pulling away.
“Are you ready?”
“As I’ll ever be,” Rory pulled a face. “I hate shopping.”
Several minutes later, and Rory was grumpy. For some inexplicable reason, they had started in the women’s section to see if anything suited her, but there was nothing, and Rory’s scowl was entrenched on her forehead. Realising that this was pointless, Gemma pulled Rory to the men’s section and almost immediately Rory relaxed.
“Do you want to start with trousers, tops or suits?” Gemma looked at Rory.
“Ummm.” Rory looked lost. “I really don’t know. I mean, if I’m going to work out, wouldn’t it be better to wait and see how my body looks?”
“Uh-uh, you are not getting out of this.” Gemma pulled a shirt off the rack, held it up to Rory and immediately discarded it. “Besides, you could be working out for months before you see an appreciable difference. This is a simple change we can make now.” Gemma gave Rory’s hand a comforting squeeze and waited until Rory’s eyes met with hers.
“Let’s see what trousers we can find and then go from there.” Gemma pulled Rory towards the jeans. “You wear jeans on the weekend, how about starting with those?”
Rory reluctantly followed her, and Gemma let out a quiet huff of exasperation. This was what Rory wanted, but now she was dragging her feet.
“Do you want something that is a slim fit or baggy?”
Rory shrugged, and Gemma took a breath before turning away and rolling her eyes.
