So what’s the plan? You gonna murder him? Hide the body?
Depends. You got any tips?
Classified. That’s Friend Zone material. Access required.
How do I apply?
Accidental text friendships are uncharted territory. There should be rules.
Such as?
Rule #1: No oversharing, especially about bodily fluids or functions.
Failed. Next?
Rule #2: No deep questions after midnight.
Already failed that one too.
Rule #3: Keep it snarky. No “live, laugh, love” energy.
What about Pinterest quotes?
Immediate termination.
Harsh. But okay.
Rule #4: Texting stops if I’m hungry or sleepy.
Rude. I’m less important than snacks?
Yes.
You’re a savage. Rule #5?
Never text “lol” unless you actuallylaughed.
Did someone hurt you?
Yes. And I’ve never recovered.
Looking forward to unpacking that more, but I’ll “haha” with integrity from now on.
See. Growth.
You’re oddly good at laying out rules.
And you’re weirdly tolerable for a guy who opened with a genital rant.
Awe, thank you, I’m touched.
You should be. It’s the nicest thing I’ve said all day.
Should I be concerned about how low your bar is?
Constantly.
Well, the rules are set. I should probably get some sleep. Thanks for the therapy sesh.
