The hours passed by easily as she worked. She was just glad that she could now tolerate the smells of the growing herbs and plants. Some women told her that those symptoms went on through the whole of their pregnancies. Others never experienced it, but shared what other ones did assail them through the carrying.
The sun rose higher in the sky and Cat knew she’d had enough. Wiping the sweat from her eyes with the back of her arm, she sat back on her heels and caught her breath before trying to stand. She’d learned to pause for a few minutes after toppling over, off balance and winded, the first day she had worked the soil. Closing her eyes, she lifted her face to catch the breezes.
That’s when it happened—well, really the two things happened.
A group of guards returning to the keep rode along the road not far from her cottage, laughing and calling out to each other. She lost her breath when she heard his voice. Even though it could not be, she tried to push to her feet and look. Her body did not react as she wanted it to and the extra weight she carried already slowed her. By the time she reached the low stone wall encircling the garden, they’d long since passed and were too far in the distance to tell one from another.
It could not be Aidan and yet she would swear she recognised the voice. Aidan’s deep tones always made her body tremble in anticipation. She would know it. She would...
Just as she began berating herself for such a foolish thought, the babe within her moved. Catriona clutched her belly and waited as the wee one inside her jabbed and rolled, taking her breath with it. When it finally stopped, she dropped onto the wall and tried to breathe once more.
She missed him.
She’d refused to think about him, but this mistaken sound forced all her regrets to mind...and heart. The pain of losing him sliced through her now. The babe kicked again and she began to cry. Had she made the right decision?
Aidan had saved her in so many ways. He had shown her that she could love, even after the tragedies she’d suffered. He’d shown her that she could be worthy of the love of another person. He’d pushed her to try new things and to learn new skills. He’d made her happy and made her feel like she mattered when she had never felt that before.
But...he’d been involved in Gowan’s death.
Since she’d not given him a chance to explain and had accepted the laird’s help in leaving in exchange for never contacting him again, there was little chance she would ever know the whole truth of it. Was it possible to forgive him when he’d admitted it and used that to manipulate her into loving him?
Or had he?
She knew that guilt had driven him to provide for her. She knew that much. And she did not doubt that he loved her, but did that justify the means he’d used to make it happen?
Sometimes, she wondered if he had not been surprised by the love that had happened. The first time he’d said the words to her, his eyes filled with wonderment, as though he could not believe it himself.
Even if she could forgive his part in Gowan’s death and accept that his love was genuine, she could not share him with another woman, even his wife. Even if it was the natural ways of things with wealthy men of power. Even if his family and his wife would accept and allow it.
So, Lord MacLerie’s offer made things easier—taking her away from Lairig Dubh and giving her a new life and a chance to survive and mayhap even thrive.
Without him.
She was guilty, too. Guilty of thinking she could simply enjoy the passion she’d shared with him and not involve her heart. She could blame it on her inexperience. She could blame it on her need to feel loved.
Well, none of that mattered, for he was out of her life for ever. Most likely, he had chosen his bride and married by now. The babe kicked again and she smiled sadly. The one thing she had not thought about was what would she tell the babe about their father when he or she was old enough to ask?
Catriona had managed not to let herself wallow in pity since arriving here and yet the sound of a voice had sent her deeply into it. Shaking off the maudlin, sad feelings, she took a deep breath and let it out.
Since the weather might not hold for long, she went back to her task. Later, she made some soup that would be her contribution to the village’s ceilidh planned for the next night. They were celebrating the wedding of one of the miller’s sons to a girl from one of the families there with a gathering of food and music. She’d not felt like celebrating very much, so this might be a good thing.
If nothing else, it made her feel part of the lives of those who lived and worked around Keppoch Keep and for the Matheson laird.
* * *
Aidan kept a close watch each time he rode through the village or while on duty at Keppoch Keep for signs of her. Assigned as a guard by his brother-by-marriage, his duties took him to places all over Matheson lands and he hoped he would find her here. He’d done as the note suggested and travelled to his sister’s home, gaining the approval of her husband to remain there in spite of breaking with his father.
Rob laughed when he told them how he was reclaiming his life and would not bend to his father’s will any longer. Aidan saw some of the knowing and then heated glances exchanged between his foster brother who was now his sister’s husband and he understood then that they had gone through the same thing with his father. For whatever reason, Rob agreed that Aidan would be taken into his service and be allowed to live here. If Rob and Lilidh had thought his request to be called something other than his full name was silly, they never said. So, Alastair MacLerie, distant cousin to the lady, came to live with the Mathesons of Keppoch Keep.
Though he wanted to blend in so he could search for Catriona, Rob would not hear of him living in the village. He was assigned to one of the small chambers that housed several men who served in the household. Other than seeing his sister in passing, he worked just as all the others did.
Days and nights passed and the dreams of her came each time he rested his head. And still he could not find her.
One of the men he served with invited him to the ceilidh in the village this night. His cousin was marrying and there would be a celebration. Ronald talked of his very eligible, very comely sister and his intention was clear to Aidan.
It mattered not to him, for his only goal was to find Catriona and beg her forgiveness. So, after finishing his duties, he walked down to the village, hoping that Catriona would come out of her hidey-hole and show herself.
He followed the sounds of pipes and drum into the village centre. Though much smaller than Lairig Dubh, it had a place around which everything else grew and it, too, was a well. Ronald greeted him and drew him over to tables where food sat ready. Aidan filled a bowl with some soup and took some bread while Ronald found a cup of ale for him.
