“Can you keep him for a few minutes longer? Let me wash up a bit first.”
Anice quickly used the garderobe and washed over the basin in her room. Many questions about last night pressed into her thoughts, but she refused to think about them now. After she saw to her son’s needs would be soon enough. She was settled down, feeding her son, when Firtha gave her the message.
“Robert asked if ye would join him outside, if ye felt up toit.”
“When?”
“He said I should ask ye when ye awoke if ye felt up to a short walk with him out in the yard. If ye do, he said to come out when yer ready. If no’, he will speak to ye later.”
She did not know if she could face him yet. He must be shocked by her behavior. She remembered only patches of it when the terror came upon her and knew that she completely lost control during those times. Usually it happened at night, so only Firtha and Moira and Struan were aware of the hysteria she suffered from. But now, Robert had seen it and he must be horrified by it.
Anice did not dwell on it, fearing that thinking too much about the cause might bring it back. She hoped that Robert would not either, for she was not certain how to explain the madness to him. He had gained many more problems in their marriage than even he had bargained for; he surely knew that now. And with her inability to grant him his marital rights, he must be regretting ever getting involved in this.
“I do feel like taking a walk, Firtha. If you’ll help me dress, I will meet Robert as he requested.”
She foundhim standing not far from the keep, leaning against the fence that surrounded the stable yards. The late summer breeze blew across the open expanse between the buildings and caused his hair to blow in his face. If he noticed, he gave no sign of it, staring off into the distance at something she could not see. Anice walked quietly to his side, trying not to disturb his thoughts. Although she thought he’d stiffened at her approach, he gave no sign of noticing her presence. Until Craig gurgled at the sight of him.
Robert turned and faced her then, first a quick glance then a thorough one from her head to her feet. Then he smiled at her and reached for the babe.
“Here, ye must be tired out from carrying him all this way.” He took Craig and led them both to a spot in the shade of a nearby tree. “Would ye like to sit?”
He held out his hand to her and she took it, holding on as she knelt down then sat on the ground. He sat down and placed Craig on his lap as though it were the most natural thing for him to do. She watched him with her son and felt such love for him that her heart felt as though it would burst. Her eyes filled with tears as she realized that she loved him for all that he meant to her. He met every need she had and never forced his own on her. He cared for her and her son through injury and illness and never asked for a return. And she loved him with everything within her.
She rubbed her eyes to hide the tears. Looking away, she took a few slow deep breaths, trying to accept the emotion she now recognized within her. She could never tell him about it for he would feel even more responsible for her, but it was there in her heart.
“Are ye well, Anice?” he asked in a soft voice. His concern nearly forced the tears to her eyes once more.
“I am well, Robert. Just some dust in my eye, ’tis all.” She wiped at them again and had the feeling that he saw through the weak excuse.
“I wanted to speak about last night,” he started. “I am certain that ye are as uncomfortable as I am in bringing it up.”
“Robert, you do not have to say...”
He held up his hand to stop her. “In spite of what Moira said, I feel responsible for yer... attack last night. I can accept that I did no’ mean for it to happen, but my actions caused it.”
“No, Robert, ’twas not your fault.”
“I pushed ye too hard for what I wanted and did no’ give ye time to adjust to our marriage.”
She turned to face him. “Robert, I wanted to be your wife in all ways last night. I did. Truly.”
He lifted his hand and rubbed her cheek lightly with the back of it. “I think ye did, Anice. But some part of ye is no’ ready or the terror would no’ have seized on ye as it did.”
She wanted to argue with him; however, he was right— something inside was not ready. “How will I know, Robert?”
“Ye will ken the time of it, Anice. And I will be waiting for ye to come to me. I will wait for ye to take the first step. Dinna fear that I will push ye in this again.”
“Another man would not be so tolerant.”
“I canna answer for any other man, Anice. I only ken that forcing ye before yer ready would make me no better than the monster ye married first. And I could no’ live being that kind of man.”
No, he could not. He was honorable and kind. He put her concerns before his on a regular basis. No other man could come close to him. And he was her husband.
“Will you be in the hall for dinner or should I have something kept for you?” She had to change the subject or she risked sobbing out her love for him.
“If ye would like, I can join ye there.”
“Please?” Robert looked at her and nodded his agreement.
