Flashes of the night with Sandy reminded her of the horrors her body and soul had suffered. She would never be able to separate those memories and fears and hold them aside while joining physically with another man, even if that man was Robert. Shivering at the terror provoked even now by those thoughts, she stood and stepped away from the table.
“I want to check on the babe. If you’ll excuse me, Lady Margaret?”
“Of course, my dear.” Lady Margaret stood as Anice made her way to the door of the solar. “Anice?” Anice turned to face her.
“Why do ye think he did this?”
“Robert? I do not know. I asked him and he said he haes his own reasons.”
“What do you think those reasons are? Have you thought about it?”
“To raise his own standing? To seek the inheritance I bring to my husband? That is why men marry above their station in life, is it not?”
“That is why most men would marry someone with a title and wealth. Do ye think he does it for that?”
Anice just needed to get away—from the lady and her troubling words. She did not want to examine Robert’s reasonsor her own more closely right now. She just wanted to get back to Dunnedin and settle this with Struan and her father.
“A true union can stand against any and all who threaten it. There is nothing stronger. Remember that, lass.”
She almost ran from the words. Craig did not need her right now; that was an excuse to leave. Anice searched for a place to be alone and found it after several tries. She discovered a small herb garden near the lower kitchens and sought some quiet there among the still-growing plants. It was not long before she was on her knees, weeding out the herbs and preparing them for the coming autumn harvest. Only the signal of her very full breasts told of how much time had passed while she toiled there. Wiping her hands on a towel she’d found among the tools, she stood to leave.
The sound of a baby crying echoed through the garden and she felt her milk let down and start to seep into her dress. Crossing her arms over her chest, she walked to the entrance, only to find Robert standing there. He carried her squalling son on his shoulder and smiled when he saw her.
“Emma was about to feed him when I returned to my... our room. I thought ye may have need to?” He looked at the telltale stains on her gown and his gaze seemed to make the milk flow even faster.
She could only nod and take the babe from him. Returning to a bench in the shade, she threw her shawl over her shoulders and loosened the ties on her chemise and her gown. Bringing the babe to her breast, she sighed as the draw on her nipple released the flow and brought with it some measure of relief. It was only then that she remembered Robert’s presence.
“I am once more in your debt, Robert.”
“The laird haes made arrangements for us to leave at daybreak for Dunnedin.”
“So soon?” She rubbed her hand over the babe’s head as he suckled contentedly.
“Duncan sent a messenger early yesterday saying you had been found and that he would arrange an escort when you had recovered from the injuries you sustained in your journey here.”
“Did the messenger tell the rest of it?”
“Nay,” he said. “Duncan sent him at our approach, before anything more was kenned.”
“He is a smart man.” Anice recognized the tactic—Duncan said only what needed to be said and did not lie.
“I learned much from him in the years I spent here.”
“And in spite of the affection I can tell you feel for him and Lady Margaret and the welcomed place you would have here, you would leave and return to face the uncertainty at Dunnedin?”
“Aye.” His voice was low and he looked away as he answered her.
“Why, Robert?” She hoped for some answer to the question that Lady Margaret posed to her. She needed to gain a better understanding of what drove him to help her in this way.
“I have my own reasons, Anice. I told ye that before we married.”
“And you will not share them with me?” His face hardened as she watched and she knew he would not.
“I will no’ be at dinner in the hall this evening. There are errands I must complete today that will keep me away until late.”
Craig had stopped sucking so she lifted him up to burp him. Patting and rubbing his back, she looked at the man who had saved her life. How could this work between them when she could not give him what men wanted from their wives? A sense of depression filled her and she felt like crying. Her selfish fears had brought him into this. Her inability to obey those who were in charge of her life cost him any chance at real happiness. The only thing she could do to repay him was to stay out of his way and follow his directions.
“Very well. Would you like me to keep a tray warm for your return?”
