He just grunted and moved away. She lay down and brought her son near. Soon a plaid was thrown over them and covered them against any chill in the shade on this summer’s day in the Highlands. Craig would need to eat again in a short while, but she should be able to rest for a while. Mayhap that would help the throbbing in her head and the aching in her heart.
18
If she’d cut his heart out with a spoon, it could not have hurt any more than it did now. Every word, every glance, every plea she whispered under her breath, tore into his soul and left him in shreds. Even now, it hurt to glance over at her as she rode next to him and see the defeat and desperation in her eyes. But what choice did he have in this? Struan would be out searching for her as soon as her absence was noticed. He had his own suspicions about why Struan never pursued Sandy’s killer, but he could not let this go. It would not take long before Struan began to suspect that they might be together. And what he’d told her was true—she could be killed for what she’d done.
Robert looked overhead, trying to gauge the setting sun’s position and how much time they had left to reach the croft before dark. It had been difficult for Anice to sit on her pony because of her head injury. He had offered to take her up before him but she refused. Now he was about to insist or they would face another night in the forest.
He forced himself to look at her once more. She cradled the babe within the sling in front of her. Craig’s behavior had been most accommodating so far; he’d slept and ate or he’d lain within his plaid wrapper lulled into compliance by the soft rocking motion of the pony’s walk. He would be ready to eat soon and Robert hoped that Anice’s endurance would not give out yet.
He slowed Dubh down to come next to her. She looked over at him with the same fearful expression he’d seen so many times during her pregnancy. Seeing it again reminded him of how much he hated it.
“Come, ride with me.” He held out his hands to help her over.
“Nay.” She shook her head to emphasize her refusal.
He simply leaned over and lifted her and the babe onto his lap. She turned to rock in his arms, not moving, not resting back against him even when he urged his stallion forward. The feel of her in his arms was simply too much to ignore. He urged her with gentle motions to lean back. Her exhaustion must have won the argument for a few minutes later, she did rest against him.
“We can get to the croft much faster this way, Anice. I dinna want ye and the babe wi’out shelter tonight. From the feel of the wind, a storm is coming our way.”
She nodded but said nothing. With her positioned on his spread legs, he could hardly breathe. ’Twas not her weight that caused it of course, but the thoughts that ran rampant in his mind. And his body responded. The ride was both heaven and hell.
They arrivedat the croft just after sunset and not a moment too soon. Robert had no sooner watered and fed the horses and placed them in the lean-to behind the croft, than the skies opened and poured down rain. The small cottage would offer them shelter and some measure of comfort against the weather for the night. He could go to the keep tomorrow and get some additional supplies and food.
He put some peat in the small hearth and, with a flint, finally got it burning. Once that was started, he set out to make up a sleeping area for Anice and the babe. Using a wooden pallet in one corner, he spread out the several blankets they had between them and then offered it to her with a motion of his hand. She had stopped speaking to him or the babe several hours ago. Walking slowly over to the platform, she lifted the babe out and laid him on the makeshift bed.
Robert busied himself with the food while she changed the babe once more. Some stores of flour and oats were sealed in stone jars up on a shelf and he helped himself to what heneeded. This cottage was kept stocked at all times for any of the clan who traveled or hunted in the hunting grounds nearby.
He held out his waterskin to her and waited for her to drink her fill. She’d told him that she needed more to drink since she was nursing. So, each time he thought of it, he offered something to her. If her milk dried up now, it would be disastrous. Their meal was simple—more porridge, more hard cheese, and some watered ale. He was exhausted and longed for sleep but he wanted her and the babe to settle down before he did. Part of him suspected that she might try to escape in the night, so he planned to sleep in front of the door.
For now, he stood in the doorway and listened as the rain poured down around them, on the trees and the bushes and onto the ground. He tried very hard not to listen to the noises of the babe behind him, feeding once more. He tried to force the images of that from his mind, to no avail. This would be another long and restless night.
Soon, she and Craig lay huddled together under several layers of wool, protected by the tartan’s weave from wet and cold. He spread another on the packed-dirt floor and blocked the door. Robert was certain that sleep would not come, but soon he felt his body relaxing into it. Then her voice sliced the silence.
“He thought I’d given myself to someone else before him.” Robert did not understand her meaning.
“Who did?”
“Sandy. Two years ago, we were visited by a distant cousin who looked enough like Sandy to be mistaken for him.” Her voice lacked any emotion or variation and it frightened him. “Alex MacKendimen,” she said with a sigh, “was the heir that the clan wanted, but could not have.”
“Who was he, Anice?”
“Moira said he was a distant cousin who came here with his leman, Maggie. I do not know the whole of it, but he left here after several months and we never saw him again.”
“And Sandy thought ye’d given yerself to him, believing him yer betrothed?” He heard the rustling of the covers as she moved on her pallet. He thought she now sat up but ’twas so dark he could not tell for certain.
“No matter who tried to tell him or how many times they reassured him, he claimed I was a whore and would pay for humiliating him before the clan with my disgusting behavior.”
“What did Struan do to protect ye? Surely he—”
“He sent Sandy back to England for a year to try to calm his anger down.” She paused and he waited for what he knew was coming. “He came for the wedding in even more of a rage for being held off.”
“Anice, ye dinna have to speak of this.”
“But I do, Robert. You must know why I cannot return and put myself under another man’s control. I would rather...” She stopped and he could hear that her breathing had grown ragged. When it calmed, she began again.
“He beat me first and then forced himself inside of me before I even knew what happened. My struggles seemed to excite him and he did things to me and forced me to do things I had never even dreamed possible between a man and woman. He said over and over that my behavior with Alex was the reason for it. And he told me that he would do this any time he wanted since I was now his wife.”
He gagged listening to her haunted words. He wanted her to stop, but part of him knew she needed to say the words. He forced himself to remain quiet.
