Chapter Eleven
“May I come in, Davina?” Ailis asked when the maid opened the door to her stepmother’s chamber.
Davina nodded and she entered. She waited as Davina instructed the maid about the bairn and watched the girl leave. Her courage nearly buckled in the face of Davina’s welcome.
“Ye are always welcome here, Lis,” she said. “Always.” Davina motioned to a chair and waited for her to sit. “Would ye like something to drink?”
“Nay,” she replied. “I would just like to talk with ye.”
She’d gotten back to the keep just as her father sent word that she was to join them for the evening meal. Suspecting that her betrothal would be both broken and remade then, Ailis needed to speak to Davina first. She couldn’t leave here with a new husband without reestablishing peace between them. Davina sat abruptly as though expecting the worst. Clutching her hands, she watched Ailis and waited.
“Since Lachlan’s death, nay, since my mother’s, I have behaved terribly towards ye. Ye are correct. Ye have the right to seek yer own happiness and I have no right to begrudge ye that.”
Daring a glance, she saw the color drain from Davina’s face. But when her friend reached out and took Ailis’ hand, Ailis kept speaking. The words, the guilt, the fear poured out as if they had been waiting.
“It was easier to be hateful than accept the changes in my life. And easier to spurn yer attempts to make peace than consider yer needs. I was desperately unhappy, mired in my grief and couldna stop to think about anyone else.”
“What has brought this on, Lis?” Davina asked.
“Iain,” she replied. “And Lachlan.”
The soft sound of distress made her meet Davina’s gaze. She was ghostly pale now.
“Davina? Are ye well?” Ailis stood and fetched a cup from the table. Filling it with ale, she held it while Davina drank deeply.
“I am better now,” Davina said. “Iain made ye speak to me?”
“His arrival here made me question many things. The way he reacted to me and the position he found himself made me realize how terrible I have been,” she admitted. Ailis realized there was more to it than that. “’Twas time, Davina. ‘Twas simply time for me to move on and let him go.”
It didn’t hurt as much when she spoke the words as she thought it would. Mayhap saying it to Lachlan had eased the way of it.
“Of Lachlan?” Davina questioned. “Or Iain?”
“Iain and I understood how it would be. Father wouldna allow a marriage between us. He was using Iain to pressure me to my duty. I,” she said, letting out a sigh, “I am ready to do that.”
“Did anything happen between ye and Iain?”
“Davina, I dinna think that is important.” As soon as the words left her mouth, she knew it was the wrong thing to say.
“Ye were attracted to him?” Davina’s previous distress was gone. She seemed to have regained her color and her interest.
“I found many things about him that. …”
Dare she admit the truth? A shared truth could bridge the distance between them.
“He reminded me of Lachlan in many ways, Davina. His mannerisms. The words he used. The way he stood.” Ailis paused as she remembered the last time she’d seen Lachlan. They had made love in that cottage. He laughed as she said something outrageous as she rode away. She never dreamt it would be the last time for them. “Iain made me think and forced me to consider how I have been treating ye.”
“Did Iain show ye his face? The injuries he sustained?”
“Nay,” Ailis said shaking her head. “I asked him to, but he wouldna.” She believed her friend’s words about not sharing her secrets with Ailis’ father. It gave her courage to admit another truth. “I felt the damage.”
Davina looked as if she’d swallowed her tongue. She’d sucked in so deep a breath that it left her gasping. Ailis ran to her side and smacked her on the back, trying to help her breathe. When Davina waved her off, Ailis waited for the stern admonition to begin.
“Why? Why did ye do such a thing?” Davina asked softly. Ailis didn’t expect that.
“I’ve been lonely, Davina. Without Mother, without Lachlan, without ye, I had no one. Iain made me feel something other than grief and pain for the first time in a long time. I needed him. I ken that it’s sinful and wrong. But, Davina, I owe him so much for what he gave me.”
“And Lachlan?”
