He stilled a moment, a moment that seemed suspended in time, but then his urgency became greater and his movements turned wild and uncontrollable, and she joined him in a majestic journey, rocketing to places unknown in flashes of white-hot splendor.
He rolled over on his good shoulder, carrying her with him.Holding her close.Holding her as if he never wanted to let her go.She relished that hold, even as her body shuddered with the aftershocks of sensation.She sighed with a honeyed contentment, and he gave her a crooked smile that cracked her heart, his good hand resting on her breast.
She took his hand in hers, fingering the scar.“What happens now?”
“I don’t know,” he said slowly, painfully.“I’ve … never thought beyond this point.”
“If he admits what he’s done?…”
He withdrew slowly, gently, from her body, not wanting to let her go but knowing he must, lest his resolve weaken anymore.This had to be the end of it.
“I’ve been robbing stagecoaches,” he explained gently.“And the express office.I’m still an outlaw.I’m wanted in Casey Springs.And wherever I go, I’m a marked man.There will be the law, bounty hunters.”
“But you can explain.…”
“There’s no good reason for what I’ve been doing,” he said, “none the law will accept.”He hesitated, trying to find the next words.“I’m discovering there’s damn little satisfaction in revenge.I spent ten years thinking about it, and now I know I’ve done more damage to myself than your father ever thought about doing.Even worse, I’ve … damaged you, and I won’t ever forgive myself for that.”
There was so much sadness in his voice, Shea felt a penetrating loneliness drive through her, for him and for herself.Hewassaying good-bye, and she knew she wouldn’t change his mind, but she had to try.She had to.
“I’ll follow you,” she said determinedly.
“Not if you care for me,” he said, using the one weapon he knew might dissuade her.“I have to find some kind of life, Shea.I can’t do it with reminders everywhere, with memories.”
“Because I’m Jack Randall’s daughter?”Her voice was an agonized whisper.
“Yes,” he said, his throat constricting.His heart seemed to shatter as he saw the realization, then acceptance, in her face.The one thing that would dissuade her.Saving him from pain.
The one and only thing.He stood and looked away from her stricken face.He dressed silently and waited for her to do the same.He wanted to grab her and tell her that Jack Randall didn’t matter.That she could be the daughter of the Devil and he would love her.
But then she might die in a hail of bullets meant for him.Or be forced to live in isolation the rest of her life.He wouldn’t do that to her.
He turned away as she dressed.He waited until she rose silently.And together, but separately, they walked back to the cabin.
Chapter 26
Rafe took several blankets and spent the night at the pool.He watched as the bears came, the cub managing very well on three legs.The wounded leg seemed to be healing, the cub testing it now and then.
The cub came up to him as the she-bear held back, and Rafe looked at its leg.The splint was gone, but then he’d expected that.He knew Nature had her own way of healing.
If only this sharp ache inside him could be healed.But he had boxed himself in readily enough, and he couldn’t see his way out, nor could he continue to blame Randall for everything, not any longer.
He watched as the she-bear fished, slapping several trout out of the pool for the cub, who attacked them with ferocity.Rafe had to smile at how fast the little animal had returned to normal.And then he remembered Shea’s intent face as they had worked over the cub together days ago.Or was it years?
Supper had been a nightmare of strained emotions.Randall had brought back one fish, which Shea had cooked over fire without comment.Rafe had simply taken a can of peaches and the last of the hardtack and gone outside to eat, taking Abner with him for company.It was time that Randall and Shea somehow sort out their problems, come to some kind of truce as he had.
Rafe no longer doubted that Randall would do as he said he would.He even thought about trying to change Randall’s mind because of what the revelations might mean for Shea, but he sensed it would do no good.It was something Randall had to do for himself.
Abner crawled up into Rafe’s hand, and he wondered about his own future, what he had to do now for himself.Nothing was left here.McClary was dead.Randall would in most likelihood go to prison, if not for the payroll robberies of years ago, most certainly for his knowledge of McClary’s activities here.At the very least the rancher was guilty of accessory to murder.
Rafe had accomplished exactly what he’d set out to do, and now he could lose himself in some far piece of earth, just as he had planned.Too bad, he thought ironically, that triumph was so damned bitter.In gaining his “justice”, he was losing the most precious gift he’d ever been given: love.
And Shea.He would return the money he’d stolen from Randall.She would have enough money to go wherever she wished and do whatever she wanted.She would be fine.She would find some upstanding proper gentleman who could give her the family and life she deserved.
He looked up at the sky, at the three-quarters moon and the millions of stars that made it into a jeweled tapestry.He would never again take it for granted or lose his wonder at its beauty.But its very vastness and majesty made him feel incredibly alone.
Where would he go?And Clint and Ben?The others?
Would he run the rest of his life, like Jack Randall for the last ten years, if not from the law, from himself?
