The sun begins its descent. Beautiful reds, purples, and blues shoot through the low-hanging clouds as we continue on and on without a care in the world. I couldn’t remember the last time I didn’t have a care in the world. To be honest, I may have never felt this way.
“Is it everything that you thought it would be?” Noah asks, breaking the silence.
I smile as I close my eyes and let the wind sweep across my face. It’s all that and more. Opening my eyes, looking out over the beauty I still can’t believe I am seeing as I say, “No, it’s better.”
Glancing his way, he smiles contently before he gestures to the road ahead of us. “Just a little bit further, I got a spot I used to drive out to all the time when I needed space to think as a kid.”
“You need more space than this?” I joke as I raise my hands and point to the country surrounding us. “There is no space like this where I come from.”
He laughs. “Yeah, it’s something I tried really hard to get used to while I was back there. But it was still never the same.”
“This is gorgeous, Noah. I mean absolutely stunning. Why would you ever try and get used to something that just didn’t suit you? I mean this … this is you. I see it, you’re where you belong. Why would you stay where…”
I trail off not wanting to complete my rambling, already knowing the answer to my stupid question.
Noah’s hands grip the steering wheel a little tighter.
Silence fills the cab of the truck, but unlike the peaceful silence a few minutes earlier, this one is built on tension. A tension that grows as we travel further along.
As the sun reaches its settling spot, Noah turns the truck down a gravel road. Stuck between trying to find the words to say, and almost letting them escape my lips, I sit in his truck growing fidgety from needing to walk off the steam that has been building in our budding anxiety the last few minutes. Finally coming to a stop at a clearing overlooking the rolling hills below us, Noah puts his truck in park.
Trying not to sound shallow, I say, “You sure do like parking to watch the sunset, don’t you?”
Irritated, Noah reaches for his door handle and says, “Yeah, something you West Coasters wouldn’t know shit about.”
He jumps out of the cab of the truck and walks off toward the view in front of us. I sit for a moment, hatred rages inside of me. As it calms, a need to understand him better takes over. I am out of the truck and walking toward him before I can tell myself to stand down.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I yell. He turns quickly around to meet me head-on. There’s a fire in his eyes that can only mean one thing, we are about to finally have this out. I for one, couldn’t be happier.
“Why’d you come here, Eva? What? Did your dream to run off to L.A. not work out as you planned?”
“I didn’t go to L.A. asshole,” I scream throwing my hands up in the air. “Damnit! I didn’t go. I called them and told them thank you, but no thank you. Something you would have known if you stuck around longer than five damn minutes before running off.”
His eyes widen. “You didn’t go?” he asks, shaking his head like he is trying to shake away the truth. “I don’t believe it.”
Feeling defeated, I search my mind for anything to say that could make him believe me.
Before I can say a word, Noah whispers, “I heard you. I heard you talking to Gwen in the hospital. You said we couldn’t work. You said it was time to let go, that nothing and no one could make you change your mind.”
Shocked, I try to rewind time and put together the pieces of what he is saying. I thought he didn’t come to the hospital?
“You heard me?” I ask frustrated. “You heard…”
The conversation in question comes flooding back to me. I walk a few steps toward him and see him stiffen as I get closer. A look of fear settles in his eyes. Fear of what? Fear of what I am about to say? Fear of me getting to close? Fear of letting himself go?
“What you heard,” I begin, hoping he hears every word. “What you heard, Noah, was me telling Gwen I couldn’t make L.A. work. That what I needed, I already found. In you. That L.A. wouldn’t be the same. That my world was forever changed. What you heard was me finally realizing that my road didn’t lead there anymore. My road leads to you, Noah.”
His stance softens. But hesitance still hangs in his eyes. He’s still guarded.
“You said it was time to say Goodbye?” He questions, as he takes a step closer and I inch forward as well.
“Yeah, to a dream. A dream I thought I wanted. A dream I wrestled with and tried to make work my whole life. But then I realized, my greatest dream had already come along, and I didn’t have to work for it at all.”
He wraps his arms around my waist tightly. “You didn’t go?” He questions, as if he needs to hear it a third time.
I roll my eyes, which awards me a bigger smile from the man I love. “I didn’t go, Noah. Although, that still doesn’t stop the fact that you did. You left me all alone after my accident with only a note?” I question him, hurt, anger, sadness, laces my tone.
He rests his head against mine and smiles, “I did do that, huh?” he asks. I nod my head. “Well, I guess I have some making up to do.”
