“You know, I never stopped applying at the L.A. Times.” I start to shred the tissue in my hand a little as I gather my thoughts. Through hiccuped tears, I keep my confession going. “They called, and wanted to interview me.”
“Eva, that’s awesome. Oh my God! Your dream girl!”
I close my eyes wincing at her use of the word dream. I nod a few times as the hurt of letting go rises inside. I take a few deep breaths before continuing.
“So,” I continue through sobs. “I raced over to tell Noah. I mean I had never mentioned it to him before or anything. I had been applying down there for so long, I honestly never really thought it would happen, you know? But it did, and all I wanted to do was share it with him. Even after…”
My voice trails off as my head falls forward and I cry a little harder.
Gwen scoots her chair a little closer. I look up as she nods her head for me to continue. Blowing out a breath, I smile at how silly most of this might sound to someone else. At how stupid I feel finally coming to terms with it myself.
“Well,” I smile sarcastically. “When I got there, he didn’t exactly want to talk to me. I turned off my phone all weekend and I hadn’t said a word to him after everything happened between us at my party.”
“Really?” Gwen asks surprised.
I shrug again and look down at my hands still shredding the tissue. “I didn’t know what to say. I gave him the cold shoulder after not remembering what I said the night before. And then all that happened with Trevor.”
I blow out a breath and look up.
“Well, you can’t blame the guy then, can you?” She asks bluntly. I know she’s right, but it hurts to hear the truth.
“Then I told him I got a call for a job in LA. To say he was less than thrilled is an understatement,” I laugh sarcastically.
“Well, I don’t blame him for that either. So what are you going to do?” Gwen asks, taking a side I didn’t believe she ever would.
I shrug, remembering her words from almost a week ago.
“If you tell me your dreams are to marry the sexy, southern, tall, construction-working, hot volunteer firefighter from Kentucky and have a million babies, possibly being barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen the rest of your life, I’ll respect that. But I won’t accept it.”
How can I tell her honestly the way I feel now and have her believe me?
Sitting back in her chair she lets out an exasperated sigh, “God, you really love him, don’t you?”
Silence stretches between us. In it, I hear my grandmother.
Your road doesn’t lead here anymore.
“I can’t live without him,” I cry..
Gwen blows out a breath. Sitting up straight, she taps her fingers on the edge of her chair. “Okay. But then what about L.A.?”
I look out the window. My life has forever been changed by one man. If Noah and I stand a chance at reconciling, I have to let go of my dream. It’s an easy choice to make, because I’ve finally realized, he’s my dream. My life would be empty without him. If I went to L.A., it would no longer feel like home because - he’s my home.
“That dream, it can’t work,” I say sternly. “It was never meant to be. People change. No matter what, I’ve got to let go. I’ve got to leave it behind. There is no use fighting anymore. Not when I feel the way I do. This time, my mind’s made up, and nothing and no one can change it. It’s time to say goodbye. Goodbye to what I’ve held onto for far too long.”
Gwen leans in and rests her elbows on her knees. “If you’re sure?” I hear her ask me.
I nod my head. “I’ve never been more sure of any decision I’ve ever made in my entire life.”
She nods her head as the nurse comes back through the curtain leading out into the hall. She hands me my cup, now full of water, and I take a sip. She goes back to work checking on my bandages. I look over at Gwen. She smiles like she has finally received the confirmation she needed to hear all along about my feelings for Noah.
“Well, I say you’re about to embark on a new adventure neither one of us saw coming then,” Gwen grins.
My smile matches hers as she goes back to checking her phone. Blushing, her smirk grows as a new text comes in. I sit in silence with my new decision. Oddly, the dream that used to weigh down my heart finally set me free when I released it. Letting go, I feel empowered. Undefined. Like the whole world is mine for the taking. Not just the little slice that I thought I always wanted.
A moment later, Michael rounds the corner through the curtain into my room. Hot on his heels is my mom and dad with flowers in their arms and worried looks on their faces. Michael hands me one of two Starbucks cups he is holding. I take it, and notice a small piece of my heart breaks when I look behind the three of them, and wait for a face that I begin to fear might never show.
Chapter Thirty-Three
