Shaking my head, shutting down the thought, I head out the door and towards my truck. The sun set a little while back and the weather has turned much colder than I expected as December nears. Backing out of the driveway, I try my best to suppress things—and people—I haven’t thought about in a very long time as I make my way out to the main road.
Turning on the heater, the anticipation to see Eva grows as I pick up speed once I reach the freeway. A familiar tune on the radio fills the truck, reminding me of time I allowed myself to feel the same way about a different woman.
Rebecca Brown.
It was my senior year of high school and she had caught my eye faster than any girl I had yet to meet before, much like Eva. I debated long and hard before asking her out, seeing as she was only a junior, a year younger than me, and I had already accepted a scholarship at Ol Miss—a full ride, playing baseball for the Rebels. Having lived with less rather than more, and growing up on the family farm working the grounds as soon as I was able, I knew passing up an opportunity like that would kill any chance at building a better future for myself.
The more I allowed myself to think about her though, the more I began to cave, and the harder I began to fall after our first date. She was addictive as well, just like the woman I’m headed to see tonight.
Becky’s family came from old southern money. She looked and smelled like the kinds of things I could never obtain in life, and boy did her parents let me know that.
Looking back, I have come to accept that was the only reason Becky probably wanted to be with me. I was the rebellion against her prim and proper life. I remained blind to it all the way to the end.
And what an end it was.
I ignored the reasoning of friends saying it could never work, even when I gave up my scholarship to stay behind with her because she couldn’t bear to see me leave. I even took a job with her father’s company to prove I could fit into her world after graduation.
He came from a long line of upper class men that had built somewhat of an insurance and bonds empire in the south. Trading in my usual duds for a three-piece suit and tie, I tried my best to show her and her father that I could and would provide for her. That I could and would fit into a world I knew nothing about.
I even continued to ignore the feeling in my gut when she showed up in tears, swearing she was pregnant with my child, even though we hadn’t slept together in over a month because I had been out of town on business. I was planning on proposing anyway, but popped the question that night and wasn’t surprised when she said yes. With a baby on the way, if we were engaged, there was no way she would shame her family name. I made myself believe that in some way giving up everything for her, because of how much I loved her, would make everything okay. She was all I ever wanted. And as long as I always showed her that, then we couldn’t fail.
It was the tears that she cried when I walked in to find her having sex with her father’s partner, a younger man only about ten years older than the both of us, that finally broke the spell she had on me. It was the tears over how he was a mistake she promised to never make again that slammed the door shut for me, and made me never want to allow another woman in.
When I found out the truth that it was her father’s partner’s baby and she had told me it was mine because she knew the bastard would never leave his wife to make an honest woman out of her, I was already long gone. Having packed my bags and changed my number, I headed out west to live with Rex.
Feeling the way I do for Eva is exactly what got me into trouble the first time. It’s what had me giving up a life for someone who didn’t love me the same and lied about everything I thought was true between us. It is exactly why I don’t want to have the feelings I have been trying to fight since I first met her ten days ago. Maybe cutting things off now would be a good idea. After all, I’m still going home in six weeks. I don’t belong here, and I’m not about to change me or my life again on the chance that what we’re building could and would be all we’ll ever need.
But the problem is, the more I’m around Eva, the more the thought of not being near her makes me feel sick—homesick almost, knowing that a part of me may always be missing. A part of me that feels whole when I am with her. A part of me I surprisingly never realized I was missing before.
Pulling to a stop in front of her apartment, I notice there is no light coming from the windows in her part of the building. Maybe I should just leave, text her some lame excuse that I am sure she will never buy, and call it a night. Maybe go drink some beers with Rex and try and forget about her before I am in over my head.
Grabbing my phone, I begin tapping my finger against the screen a few times, thinking. Maybe distance from her is a good thing. I promised myself I would never let a woman take control of my life or my feelings again after Becky. If I walk away now, it will make it easier when I leave at the end of December.
Then why does my heart sink just thinking about leaving? And why am I, after everything I’ve promised myself, suddenly debating not moving home at all?
Moments away from typing out a text message, I jump at the sound of someone tapping on the window. Turning my head Eva stands on the other side of the glass. Bundled up in a coat, scarf, and beanie, her cheeks are rosy from the chilly night air. She looks beautiful, and it takes me a moment before I come to my senses. Opening the door, I step into the freezing night air alongside her.
“You have to be chilled to the bone! How long have you been out here?” I ask, grabbing both her arms and rubbing them up and down in a sorry attempt at trying to warm her.
“Just walked out,” she answers, bouncing up and down to keep warm. She springs back and forth in a way that’s so adorably attractive, I grin as I reach out and pull her closer to keep her warm.
“I was watching from the window,” she confesses as her warm breath presses against my shirt. “What were you thinking about sitting in your truck for so long?”
Pulling back, looking in her eyes, I smile and lie. “Football.”
Her eyebrows knit together, clearly expecting a different response. “Football?” she questions.
I nod. “Titans lost their last game. I need to make some adjustments to my fantasy league.” I’m such a bad liar. I hardly ever watch football—baseball is more my sport—I just hope she doesn’t catch on. She shrugs like she couldn’t care less, and I smile knowing that I’m in the clear.
“Come on,” I whisper, pulling her closer and kissing the tip of her pink nose. “We’re wasting moonlight.”
Pulling away, I immediately feel cold without her near me as I walk her around the side of the truck, open up her door and help her climb in. Settling into the driver’s seat, I put the car in drive and turn to face her. She’s already watching me, and anticipating me telling her where we are headed. I stay silent. She starts to squirm.
“Where are you taking me?” she eventually asks.
“I want to show you something,” I grin. “Tonight’s just for us. No bar, no party, no outside friends for distractions,” I joke, and she giggles knowingly.
Pulling away from her house, we settle into a comfortable silence as a Luke Bryan song quietly plays in the background.
