“I feel you, and I get what she’s saying. For some men, the chase and pursuit is a pleasure all its own, so when a woman is easy, we can lose interest. With you, it’s different. You not asking for a lot makes me want to give you more.
“And there’s a difference between simple and easy. You are simple to please, but you’re not easy. You might not want or need gifts or money to feel wanted and loved, but you do want my time and priority, and for someone like me, it’s harder to give those things. It’s easy to buy shit and just hand it to you. What you want… me,… intimacy,… time… that’s more valuable. I’m going to make sure you always have that. Have me.”
We continued to talk as he drove. We talked about how love, loyalty, and companionship was important to both of us. I knew he planned to spoil me, but I really wanted to make sure he understood I wantedhim. Whatever else came with him would always be a bonus.
When we made it to the river, I smiled. Instead of getting out to walk, we parked and smoked and talked.
“You really wanna have babies with me?” he asked. “You trust me to be the father of your children?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“It ain’t like I had an example of what a father should be. Not a good one at least.”
“You have an example of what a good father should be because of your grandfather. Your parents might not have raised you, but from what you’ve told me over the years, your grandparents were amazing. And because they were older and knew there was a chance they wouldn’t see you have and raise your own kids, they gave you lots of anecdotes and life lessons to carry you that you’d be able to pass on to them.”
“True,” he agreed, taking my hand into his. “If we do this, I just wanna make sure we do it right, you know? I can’t fuck them up. Even if that means I have to be the opposite of what my father was to me for them, that’s what I’ll have to do.”
“It doesn’t have to happen any time soon, but I do have faith in you, pooh. I think you’ll be a great father in spite of yours, not because of him. You know what it’s like to lack, to not be prioritized, to not be loved. There’s no doubt in my mind you’ll do everything in your power to make sure our kids never experience that.”
He leaned against the center console, and we kissed. Silence found us for a while, but eventually, our conversation picked back up. It didn’t take long before he asked what I knew he’d been wanting to ask, which was…
“When you quitting? You’ve been talking about having your own business for years. I’ve offered to fund it, and you shut me down. Now, you have the money from someone else, and you’re still working for someone else.”
I smiled as I looked out the window. “Spark up another blunt,” I told him, and he chuckled but did as I said. “Truthfully, I don’t want to. I thought I wanted to have my own business, doing what I’m passionate about, but I don’t. All I keep thinking about is what if it’s a success and I stop loving it because it’s my job? Right now, I get to pick and choose what I do and when I do it. What if I start taking on so many clients that it loses its magic for me? I think I’m struggling with making my passion my profit now that I have the chance to.”
“I hear you. There is a pressure to perform when you turn your passion into your profit. Not to mention the fact that you have to revolve what’s sacred to you around others. If you didn’t go into business full time, no one would blame you for that.”
“Yeah. I just don’t want to feel like I’m letting Auntie down.”
“You could never. She gave you that money to start your business because that’s what she thought you’d want to do with it. If it’s not, it’s still yours to do with as you please. If you’re satisfied with your managerial position and doing makeup here and there, do that. Do what makes you happy, boo. You know you never have to worry about bills, because I pay them all anyway, so it’s truly up to you.”
Silence found us again, which was cool. We stayed at the river for another hour or so before we left. It wasn’t until he pulled onto my street that he said, “I guess I should tell you now in case they say some shit to you about it.”
“Who? What?”
Draco ran his hand down his face. “I went to see Matthew to see what was going on with your cousins. He told me that he didn’t tell them if they turned your home into a trap house that he’d give them their own crew. They suggested using the house to increase his profit and reach, and if they did, they asked for their own crew in exchange. Basically, they’re trying to move up in rank and figured that would be a good way for them to. Matthew said he was against it initially because he knows my pops runs this neighborhood. He wants no smoke.
“Cam assured him that wouldn’t be an issue, so Matthew told them if they could make it happen, that was cool. I made sure he understood Pops did not sign off on that shit and that if they tried to move in on his territory that there would be war. He said he would tell them to fall back, so if they come at you because of it, make sure you tell them to come to me.”
I sighed and shook my head. I loved my cousins, but they annoyed the hell out of me. Ever since we were kids, I tried to earn their love and acceptance. When I became an adult, I realized that would never happen. On top of that, love should have been freely given. I didn’t want it if I felt like I had to beg for it.
Even though a part of me still wished we could all get along because they were the only family I had, the other part of me had given up on that. If they weren’t going to be in my life, I at least wanted them to not make it more difficult. The last thing I needed was for their bullshit to create static with me and Draco’s family. He had enough issues with them as it was. I didn’t want them to look at me and think my family was trying to move in on their territory.
“I haven’t heard from either of them yet, but if I do, I’ll make sure I relay the message.”
After he pulled into my driveway, he got out and opened the door for me.
“Would you like to come in?” I asked as he unlocked the front door.
“Yes, but since this is our first date, I’m trying to be a gentleman.”
That made me smile. “You can come in here and make love to me, or fuck me, and still be a gentleman.”
“I have a choice?”
“I mean,… you could do both.”
The sound of a car pulling into the driveway gained our attention. I didn’t have to look long to recognize it was Cam. He was parked on the street waiting for me.
