I removed the chair and unlocked the door. Lucas stepped inside, his tall frame filling the small entryway. His eyes metmine with concern. He was still in his uniform, the navy-blue jacket making his broad shoulders seem even more imposing.
“Hey,” he said softly, his voice immediately calming my nerves.
“Thanks for coming,” I replied.
He gave me a small, reassuring smile and closed the door behind him, securing the locks once more. “You sounded pretty shaken-up on the phone. What happened?”
I led him to the couch, Duke trailing behind us. As we sat down, the tension in my body began to ease just a bit. “I ... I thought I saw Max tonight. It felt so real.”
Lucas’s jaw tightened at the mention of Max. He reached out and took my hand, his touch warm against mine. “I talked to some people after I got your call. Max is definitely still in jail, Rose. I even had them double-check the records. There is no way he could be out.”
“But what if ...?” I began, my voice trailing off as I struggled to articulate my fear.
“Hey,” he interrupted gently, squeezing my hand. “You’re safe. I won’t let anything happen to you. We’ll figure this out.”
His words were a comfort, but they also reminded me of the complicated nature of our relationship. A part of me remained distant, unable to fully commit to the idea of a future with him. Lucas wanted more than I could give him, and deep down, I knew that. He’d proposed to me, offering me everything I could ever want, but I’d hesitated and asked for more time. Time to heal. Time to understand myself. Time to come to terms with my past. And while he’d given me that time, I could sense his growing impatience.
There were moments when his frustration would bubble to the surface, his patience wearing thin. He’d get mad sometimes and yell at me, especially when I said no to sleeping with him.I didn’t know what to tell him. How was I supposed to explain myself? I didn’t have the slightest clue how to digest it.
His outbursts left me feeling trapped. Sometimes, he scared me. His words, his tone, the way he seemed to tower over me in those moments—it was all too much.
But I held onto him anyway, because he wasn’t scarier than the devil I knew.
CHAPTER 21
MAX
Desperation had driven me to this point. There was no turning back now. The decision had been made, and all that was left was to follow through.
I stood there, just above the cold granite slab that bore a simple engraving. Lifting my head, I glanced around the eerily silent graveyard. Slowly, then all at once, I heard the faint beating of a heart. There were thousands of bodies surrounding me, but there was only one heart that could beat. It was mine, and it was loud. For good reason.
The pounding in my chest was a constant reminder of my humanity. I looked down at my hands.
Am I even capable of doing this?
I needed to process what I was about to do and how it could affect me. I was constantly battling myself—the good parts of me versus the bad. I wasn’t sure which part was winning anymore. It was a conflicting twist of emotions that had me arguing with myself, pacing back and forth along the gravel path. Each rock crunched beneath my shoe, echoing through the morning mist that blanketed the small hill.
An overwhelming sense of guilt washed through me, shattering my bones as I held onto the metal shovel tightly.
This had to be the greatest sin I would ever commit. There was no coming back from this. The devil was already knocking at the door.
There was the part of me that wanted to run, to act as if Marco had never put this idea into my head. But I didn’t. Instead I lined my foot against the smooth edge of the metal and pushed the shovel into the ground.
My anxiety spiked with each dig, only making my guilt worse. I was disrupting the peace—not only hers, but the peace of those around me too. I knew I was doing something I shouldn’t, but I couldn’t help but feel slightly compelled to do it anyway.
Finally, the shovel crashed against something hard. My heart sank. That was the casket.
Her grave was defiled,desecrated, and I’d been the one to make it that way.
Right in front of me was the spot she was meant to rest in for eternity, and yet here I was, disrupting her, for what? A suspicion? Would she be all right with this and understand I needed closure after all these years, or would she think I was out of my mind? Probably the latter, but I’d never seen a body. I’d never seen her lifeless eyes tell me she’d never return to me.
Kneeling down, my fingers sifted through the dirt as I frantically scraped through clumps of clay. My heart began to race at the memory of her. She ran marathon after marathon in my head on a constant loop—one I liked to call my denial.
I leaned back against the wall of dirt, trying to catch a breath of air.
Then, crouching down, I gripped the sides of the casket and pulled on the latches. The sound of metal grinding against metal pierced the peaceful air, but that was all right, because there wasn’t a single thing about my actions that was peaceful.
Suddenly, the latches gave way, and I fell backward, my back crashing into the dirt wall of the grave. My heart leaped into mythroat as I stared at the space before me in utter shock. The walls of the coffin were lined with soft white padding, with a pristine pillow where her head should be.
