“You don’t want me to say what?”
“I told you so.”
“Ohhh!” she says, laughing, and sits down with a rum and coke in her hand. “What happened?”
I turn to face her, my elbow resting on the back of the couch. “The app isn’t quite what it was advertised as being.”
“How so?”
Giving her a rundown of my experiences makes me feel even more foolish than I already do. I was so confident. Everything sounded great, but it’s terrible. Absolutely horrible.
And her laughter at my pain does not help. I want to grab her dark hair and yank it out of the clip I know she spent far too long perfecting as payback.
“You’re lying,” she says, stirring her drink with a straw.
“About what?”
She studies me. “There’s no way this guy really shit in the elevator.”
“That’s not the worst part. That came after telling me about his cousin who took his virginity for fifty bucks. After he paid her fifty for a blowjob. AND… she still comes around when she’s in need of cash.”
Mona bursts out laughing. “Oh God. Okay, so that’s the worst date. What’s the second worst?”
How the hell do I even rank these? “Um… watching my fake date get head from the bride at her own reception? That was weird. And really only something you read about. I had to fight tulle to get away from them. Have you ever tried to fight a wedding gown that needs its own car to travel? It’s not easy.”
“And where does the cowboy rank?”
“Honestly? That was the best date.”
A loud laugh fills the air as she tips her head back, her body shaking. “That’s terrible.”
The others all kind of fall in line together. There’s nothing that really trumps one over the next, so they’re all tied.
“Tell me again how the biker fell off his bike.”
I’m two drinks in now, so I set the glass on the coffee table and demonstrate for her. Hitting the floor of her apartment hurts a little more than I anticipate, but I laugh as I think about how the concrete must’ve felt to Benny B.
“Oh! I forgot the best part about him!”
“There’s something better than that and the leather?”
“His blond hair wastapedto his forehead and came off with his baseball cap.”
“No!”
“And he traded a Prius for a Harley because, and I quote,Fuck the man.He also ended everything he said with a question. Do you know how annoying that gets?”
She snorts and slaps her knee. “Explain.”
“It’s like ending every statement with,right?Or when someone adds,You know?At the end of every fucking thing he said.”
“Oh my God, Holly,” Mona cackles, her hand on her side. “I can’t take anymore.”
Her laughter is almost as bad as hearing her say “I told you so,” which I know she’s dying to do right now. Thankfully, she realizes how vulnerable I am, and even she’s not that cruel. She likes to be right, but she isn’t a total bitch.
“So, I guess the dry spell is still going strong.”
Right. I haven’t mentioned Decker to her yet. “Um… no.”
