Nodding, he looks at the ground. “I suppose I can understand that. In an abstract way.”
“At least you can admit it. Most men run screaming from the room the moment a woman even mentions the C-word. Like we’ve just started talking about our period or something.”
Decker looks up and narrows his eyes. “C-word?”
I giggle. “Commitment. Even if it’s not directed at them, they want to curl up and hide.”
“You want the fifties and sixties type of relationship, don’t you?”
Why does he seem disappointed by that? “What’s so wrong with it? A man courting a woman and being faithful doesn’t sound so archaic to me. Or horrible. I don’t really fall into the whole waiting-for-marriage thing considering I really like sex and haven’t had my virginity for many years now, but I am a fan of committed sex. Or could-be-committed sex.”
He snorts and lifts his eyebrow. “Why?”
“Because it’s just… different.”
“Different how?”
“Haven’t you ever had a girlfriend?”
“Yeah, and that’s why I don’t understand a single thing you’re fucking saying.”
Sighing, I shake my head and lean it against the back of the couch. “Having someone you can rely on, like a best friend, who also rocks your world in the bedroom is like nothing else out there. I had it once, and I lost it. I guess I’ve been searching for something like it ever since.”
My college boyfriend was amazing. Sweet, caring, and the best sex I’d ever had. Not that I’ve had a plethora of experience compared to my present company, but I’ve had enough to know he had skills.
When graduation rolled around, Ben wanted to move out of the city. He wanted to settle down. Buy a house, a ring, and start a family. At the time, it felt like too much.
I broke things off, and a year later, I knew it was a mistake. Everything he was offering is what I wanted. By then, he’d moved on. Found a woman to live with. I saw him shopping at a jewelry store on Black Friday. They’ve been married for five years now.
“How’s your brother doing in Australia?” Decker asks, pulling me from my memories of Ben.
“He’s good,” I say, pushing the thoughts of my ex to the back of my mind. “Have you seen the girl he’s dating?”
His eyes widen, and he shakes his head. I love the way his hair brushes against his forehead as he moves.
I hold out my phone after pulling my gaze away from him following a sufficiently awkward amount of time. Decker looks shocked and then impressed when he sees the picture. “Damn, she’s hot.”
“Yeah, she is. I have a feeling he’s going to try to talk her into coming home with him.”
“I wonder why he didn’t send me the picture of her. I’ve just gotten sex updates, but he didn’t mention it was all the same woman.”
Cringing, I shudder. “Gross. And he probably didn’t send you a picture because you chase anything in a skirt. He doesn’t want the competition.”
“Gross? It’s not like I tell him you get yourself off with a vibrator while listening to me make other women come. And I have never gone after a buddy’s girl. Ever. That’s not my style.”
“Trust me, the only reason your jack-hammering style of fucking gets me turned on at all is because it’s been too long since I got any. Once I find my Prince Charming, I’ll go back to being sufficiently grossed out.”
He winks at me. “So you admit it. You get off while I get others off.”
“Shut up.”
“No, you won’t.”
“No, I won’t what?”
“Go back to being grossed out. You’ve never been grossed out. You’ve imagined that it’s you instead of the woman I’m with. It’s okay. I like that you think that.”
I have no rebuttal. And he’s not entirely wrong. Damn him.
