She waited until she was at the end of the driveway to release a scream full of the hurt and dejection she felt.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Yanna sat cross-legged in the middle of her living room floor, a half-empty bottle of her favorite tequila clutched in her hand. Each shot she took burned a path down her throat, but it was nothing compared to the searing pain in her chest. Her phone vibrated incessantly beside her, Kas' name flashing on the screen, but she ignored it. She couldn't believe that Kas, knowing her deepest fears and insecurities, had done the one thing she dreaded most. Actually, that was a lie; she could believe it. In fact, she’d expected such behavior from him. She’d anticipated all his talk about doing better to dwindle away, revealing his true nature. Frankly, she knew it was coming. She’d known from the very moment she laid eyes on Zahra. Pretty, thick, and thirsty as hell… right up Kas’ alley. Her eyes, swollen and red from tears, reflected a mix of betrayal and disbelief.Her heart felt like it was splintering, the pain almost physical. Memories of Kas professing how he was nothing like her father, declaring how he only wanted to do right by her, seemed to mock her now. Tears blurred her vision as she took another swig, a bitter laugh escaping her lips. The realization hit her hard—she was turning into Janis, numbing heartache produced by a man with alcohol. Desperation clawed at her as she reached for herphone, dialing Nisha's number. She needed a distraction, a way out of this spiraling despair.
Four rings in, Nisha answered the phone with the faint sound of music playing in the background. “Heyyy friend!”
“Hey, who all is at the club?” she asked, voice thick with unshed tears.
“Um, bottle girls, it’s me, Shan, Kiana, Cherelle and Jasmine. Why you gone grace us with your presence and work a shift?”
“Yea, I gotta do something. Let Byron know I’m coming in.”
“You know he won’t have shit to say, but I’ll let him know. See you when you get here, boo!”
Yanna took a deep breath and pushed herself up from the floor, her legs unsteady from both the tequila and the emotional weight she carried. She downed one last shot, welcoming the familiar sting, before staggering to her bathroom. After peeling out her clothes, she hopped into the shower and allowed the hot water to wash away her despondency and remnants of heartbreak. Once out of the shower, she dried her body and moisturized her hair, applying cream to make her curls pop. Yanna had already decided that she wouldn’t be a pathetic, sad bitch. That she wouldn’t be a victim of heartbreak. Therefore, she applied her makeup with precision, crafting a fierce look she rarely wore.Her pride was shattered, but she was determined to prove she was still that bitch. Digging through her closet, she found the skimpiest outfit she could: a pair of black shorts that looked more like underwear, fishnets with larger holes than normal, and a crop top that stopped just beneath her breasts. Yanna was on one. She was used to dressing provocatively, just notthatprovocative. That night, it was necessary because she needed to feel like the bad bitch, she knew she was deep down.
She slipped into the outfit, each piece a layer of armor against her pain. Santal 33 perfume scented her body. Yanna gave herself a once-over in the full-length mirror, a fleeting momentof doubt flashing in her eyes before she pushed it away. Deciding it would be best if she didn’t drive, she ordered herself a Lyft. Fifteen minutes later, her ride was arriving. She grabbed her tequila, phone, and keys then locked up her house en route to the club.
Each time Yanna’s phone rang in her pocket, she wanted to take it out and throw it into a wall. She didn’t need to look at it to know it was Kas still calling. There was nothing for her to say to him, and there never would be. As far as Yanna was concerned, she and Kas were through. To hell with him. She was happy she’d refused to take things between them seriously. It was so that when things ended up this way, she’d only need about two business days to pull herself back together. It was so she didn’t end up like her mother.
“Damn Yanna, you trying to take all the tips tonight, ain’t you? You look good as hell,” Nisha commented, playfully bumping Yanna as she approached.
“Yea, something like that.”
“Well, save some for me, hoe. Oh, Des says come to the DJ booth to see him when you get a chance.”
“Okay, I will.”
Yanna twisted off, heading to her sections to see if any customers needed refills. Like her choice of attire, Yanna was in rare form that night. Instead of rejecting the flirtatious men like she usually did, she was accepting their invites to sit on their laps, allowing them to pour liquor into her mouth, and even blessing a few of them with lap dances. The men were eating it up, stuffing tips into her bra and the waistband of her pants as if she was a stripper. She was sure she’d ended up on a fewSnapchat stories or IG close friends, but by that point, she was a little too tipsy to care. All she wanted to do was forget about Kas. She planned to flirt, drink, and dance until she did exactly that.
After making all of her rounds, Yanna decided she’d finally go to the DJ booth to pay Destin a visit. As she descended the stairs that led away from the VIP section, she spotted someone coming through the club’s front entrance. Pissed, Yanna stomped the remainder of the way down the steps.
“What the fuck are you doing here?”
“Gotdamn, hi to you too.”
“I’m serious, Kalil. Why are you here? If Kas sent you here to try to talk to me or whatever then both of y’all can kiss my ass and go to hell together.”
“You wanna calm down? Kas didn’t send me. I tried calling him to see if he wanted to come out with me, but he wasn’t answering his phone.”
That was a whole lie. Kas knew Yanna like the back of his hand and had a feeling she would go to the club to work. He didn’t want to show up there knowing the sight of his face would send her into a fit of fury. So, instead, he sent Kalil.
“Hmph, that’s probably because he’s in his house fucking that tone deaf ass Zahra.”
“What? Hell nah.”
“Hell yes. I caught them coming out his house earlier.”
“But that don’t mean they were fucking. They were more than likely discussing some music shit.”
“At his house? You already know Onyx doesn’t play about random people knowing where the houses are, so he would’ve went to the studio for that. As if that wasn’t enough, I caught their asses. Her titties was out, his pants were down, her hair all over her head like she’d just finished getting that wack ass dick.”
“I dead ass can’t believe that shit. Did you beat her ass?”
“I tried to, but Kas protected his little girlfriend. She better not ever let me catch her though, believe that.”
“Oh, I believe it.” Kalil responded with a chuckle. “So that’s why you in here with yo’ ass all out?”
