“Yea.” Yanna responded with a small smile before returning to the main room.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Zahra’s dancing was a lot better than her singing, and the champagne colored dress she wore hugged her in all the right places. Still, Kas couldn’t keep his eyes from venturing over to Yanna, who was having a conversation with Layla. Yanna always held an otherworldly beauty in Kas’ eyes, but he’d never seen her as beautiful as she was that evening. Her new hairstyle, the glow of her skin, undoubtedly a result of her pregnancy, hell, even her smile had never seemed so bright. Suddenly, the letter she’d given him was burning a hole in his pocket, and he didn’t think he could stand another second without knowing the contents.
“Aye, I forgot about a phone call I need to make. I’mma step outside for a minute.”
“Oh… well, okay, I’ll be here. Hurry back, though.” She smiled a little too much, and Kas offered her a tight lipped smile in return.
Looking for a secluded area, he decided to exit out of a door toward the back of the venue that led to the beach. Once outside, he took a seat on his tuxedo jacket. The sounds of the ocean doing little to soothe him as he contemplated what opening Yanna’s letter would mean. He needed Onyx’s opinionbut wouldn’t interrupt him again. Kas then remembered he was now blessed to have another man in his life he could turn to when his mind was a mess. Pulling out his phone, he dialed the newest saved number.
“Son, what’s up? I thought the wedding was today.”
“It is. I’m here now.”
“Yea? It’s nice, I bet.”
“I told you Nyx was a romantic ass nigga. Troi and my mumma got style, so yea it was nice. Oh, Onyx and Maya met.”
“How’d it go?”
“Really good. Tears were shed, Onyx trying to be the big brother, so I’d say it went well.”
“Damn, that shit make a nigga heart real happy.”
“I knew it would. That ain’t why I called you, though.”
“Oh, I knew it wasn’t. Just waiting for you to tell me what’s on yo mind.”
“Well, as suspected, I saw Yanna.”
“Of course. How that feel?”
“I don’t even know, man. Like, I saw her and my fucking heart fell to my feet, and I forgot to breathe or some shit. I can understand my fault in everything, even though I really tried to be good for Yanna. At the same time, the shit she did… I don’t know, it’s taking a little bit for my pride to recover, for my feelings to recover. I still love the fuck out her though. I’m fucking with Zahra now, and she could be pregnant by a whole other nigga. Shit is wild.” Kas shook his head as if his father could see him.
“Then, the second time I saw her, she handed me a letter she’d written for me.”
“And have you read it yet?”
“Nah, I’m sitting here with it in my hand.”
“Well, start there. See how your heart feels when you’re finished, then follow it to wherever it leads you.”
Kas thought on it for a beat, and figured his father made sense. “Ight, I’ll read it. I’mma get with you tomorrow sometime.”
“I’ll be here.”
Kas hung up the phone and placed it into his pocket, preparing himself to read the letter. As soon as he opened the letter, his pulse quickened a little. He didn’t know if she’d sprayed the paper with her perfume, but he could smell the vanilla and honey scent she always wore. Exhaling, he dove straight into the letter.
Dear Kas,
I’ve spent countless nights reflecting on our time together, and I realize now just how terribly I treated you. I owe you a heartfelt apology, and I want you to understand the reasons behind my actions. Throughout our relationship, I was consumed by a fear of becoming like Janis. I was so determined to avoid her mistakes that I ended up making my own. My fucked up words and defensive behavior were a misguided attempt to protect myself from pain. I see now that instead of protecting myself, I pushed away the one man who truly cared for me. I should have communicated with you better, shared my feelings, and trusted you not to break my heart. Deep down, I knew you never would. My insecurities got the best of me, and for that, I am deeply sorry. When you told me nothing happened betweenyou and Zahra, I should have believed you. Instead, I reacted impulsively and made the mistake of going to Trell because I was in desperate need of someone to validate me. The shit didn’t work, and I’ve regretted it every day since. You deserved better, Kas. You deserved someone who could show you love and appreciation, someone who could trust you. Even if you had fucked Zahra, I wouldn’t have blamed you. You deserved to experience a woman showing you how much you meant to her. I always failed in that department, but you meant and still do mean the world to me. No matter how I acted, no one has ever made me feel the way you did. I know now that no one else ever will. My life doesn’t feel right without you in it. You’re my best friend, my twin flame, north star or whatever, and I miss you more than any words could ever express. I apologize for everything. For my defensive walls, my lack of trust, for not listening, and for the way I reacted to everything. I wish I had been brave enough to let you in completely. You deserved that, and so much more. I know I fucked things up for us… or maybe not. I don’t know, but what I do know is I need you in my life. Even if it’s just as a friend, hopefully a co-parent. I need you with me, in any way you’re willing to be present. I’ll be back home after the wedding, and my phone number is still the same. Whenever you’re ready… I’m here.
Love,
Your Yanna Boo.
After reading the letter once, Kas took the time to read through it a second time, then a third. He could feel the sincerity of Yanna’s words, words that made his chest burn with emotion. The way he loved Yanna was some shit that needed to be studied, but he didn’t know if he could endure any more of the bullshit. Any more of the toxicity. Any more of the circles. But in just a few paragraphs, she’d shown him growth. Kas was a mix of emotions and felt like he was even more confused than he was before he read the letter. Like it was sent to confuse him even more a text came through on his phone. It was from Zahra asking him why he was taking so long and asking if he wanted to disappear into one of the dressing rooms. Normally, Kas would’ve been down, but how could he even lay with her after reading Yanna’s letter? Did he even want to? Zahra was a classic case of a rebound, and it was painfully obvious, though Zahra didn’t seem to care. Kas heard his father telling him to listen to his heart, then follow where it leads. He closed his eyes and allowed his heart to speak to him. When he opened his eyes, there was no doubt in his mind about what he wanted to do.
