“You need to talk to Mortician and find out what Johnnie told Bailey.” It was her turn to explain another fucking situation involving motherfucking, fuckhead, assfuckJohnnie. “And since you mentioned DNA tests, I think everyone should have them so I can figure out who’s related to who. Almost all of you have two sets of birth certificates. I need to untangle this. I’m going to join several genealogy sites and–”
“How that got to do with who own the club?”
“Aren’t I the attorney?” she said crisply, swiping the last of her tears away, back on her game. “I’m advising those moves.”
“You can fuckin’ advise ‘til you fuckin’ green. Answer my fuckin’ question. Relationships are periphery to the main concern.”
“Talk to Bash,” she insisted “You’ll see why I think the club’s ownership is no longer so important.”
Celia was searching for a way to save Bash, too. Now, Kendall seemed to have joined that club. “Fuck, fine. Set up the fuckin’ meetin’ . I’ll call the fuckin’ lab and tell them to prepare…how many fuckin’ kits? And just what the fuck you lookin’ for?”
“For starters, I want to see if Meggie and Bailey are first cousins.”
“Come fuckin’ again.”
“K-P and Big Joe might’ve been half-brothers. Actually, it’s more of a probability than a possibility. If Bash and Celia agree, I’ll have them swabbed, too. Suppose you and Johnnie aren’t half-brothers? You and Bash have sense. Johnnie doesn’t. What about you, Mortician, Digger, and Johnnie? How are you all actually related?”
“Have Easton, Tio, and Cleaner swabbed, too,” Christopher instructed. “Might as well try to figure it all out. I wish we could get one of those Bart motherfuckers.”
“Me, too. I’ll ask Bash. He might help me.”
Before Christopher responded, someone knocked on the door.
“Come in,” Kendall called.
Mortician stuck his head in. “I can hang in the waiting room until your meeting over,” he said to no one in particular.
Christopher and Kendall stood. She rushed around her desk, smiling happily, and hurried to Mortician.
“What are you doing here? Can I finally file divorce papers? You’ve come to your senses since Bailey’s lost hers and don’t seem interested in finding them?”
Chuckling, Mortician embraced Kendall. “Don’t never change, Red,” he told her as she returned his hug.
“What are you doing here?” she asked again, stepping out of his arms.
“I texted the motherfucker to come spend time with you,” Christopher told her. “I got to get home to fuck my woman but I ain’t wanted you to be alone.”
“I thought maybe we could go for a ride,” Mortician said.
Kendall’s face fell and she glanced down at herself.
Christopher followed her line of vision, surprised to see that she wore cream-colored trousers and cashmere sweater.Judging by her height, she probably also wore three- or four-inch heels.
“Not only am I not properly dressed, I’m not wearing my contacts.”
“Then, I guess we got to stop at the mall first, since it’s closer than the club,” Mortician said, shocking the fuck out of Christopher. “Brooks in his office. Why don’t you and him take your Navigator to the mall while I wait here until somebody bring your contacts? Brooks can drive your car back to the office and I’ll pick you up from the mall.”
“I like the way you think,” Kendall said happily. “I’ll tell Johnnie that someone is coming to the house because I’m no longer in the mood for my glasses.” She indicated herself with her hand. “Besides, they don’t go with this outfit.” Grinning, she kissed Mortician’s cheek. “We can also get stuff for a picnic at the new gourmet grocery store.”
A pained expression crossed Mortician’s face. “How fucking much you making me spend to cheer you up?”
“As much as it takes,” she said breezily.
He glared at her and she poked him.
“Give me your card and I’ll buy everything. You won’t know the cost until you get the bill.”
“Only woman I hand my fucking credit cards over to is Bailey. Roxanne too at one time.”
