“Maybe Johnnie might straighten the fuck up by then.”
“A part of me hopes so, but I know that’s just a pipe dream. There’s nothing I want more than for my husband to look at me and remember what we had. How we were. There’s so much between us now. I also know if he treats a girl not responsible forher birth as Logan would have that will further alter my opinion of him. I want him to respond how you would.”
“Johnnie not me,” he told her. “In my eyes, that motherfucker was so much better. Until he wasn’t. If you basin’ how you’ll feel for Johnnie by how you think I’ll respond, don’t. I ain’t in this situation. My response to Jana would depend on Megan’s response to her, me, and the entire situation. If Jana was mine and Megan told me to kill her or she’d leave, I’d kill her. If she told me to never look at her again, I’d do that, too. Would it be unfair? Like a motherfucker, but life ain’t fair. I wouldn’t fuck up my marriage and piss Megan the fuck off for a girl whose ma didn’t think I had the fuckin’ right to know about her existence. For a girl I accidentally discovered was mine. Who the fuck knows? I might be pissed no matter how the fuck Megan responded.”
“Weren’t you upset at Johnnie’s response?”
“I was,” he confirmed. “But I fuckin’ hate Johnnie, so it’s easy to be upset with whatever the fuck he do.”
“You don’t hate him.”
“I fuckin’despisehim,” Christopher said flatly, meaning that with every fiber of his being. If Johnnie was killed in the next second, he wouldn’t give a fuck. “As much as I once loved that assfuck is how the fuck much I hate him now.” She looked as if she didn’t believe him, so he revealed, “If he died, I wouldn’t give a motherfuck. I detest Johnnie.”
“But you’re protecting him.”
“For you. For Rory, Mattie, JJ, and Blade. Me? I gave up on him when he kept fuckin’ with Megan. Added to that is all his fuckery with the club.”
“You’re hurt and angry, but I don’t think you can ever truly hate him.”
“Says you. Which you don’t have to cuz I already told you that the motherfucker stayin’ alive, so shut the fuck up.”
She opened her mouth to protest but Christopher was done discussing how much he hated Johnnie.
“I ordered a fuckin’ paternity test for your motherfucker and Jana.”
“I guess owning a lab has its perks,” she said dully.
Christopher gave her a half smile. “Ima use a motherfucker Megan and Zoann know. Ain’t trustin’ Johnnie not to fuck with the results of my lab since he still CEO.”
“When is it scheduled and does Johnnie know?”
“Nope, and tomorrow evening. I’m invitin’ the family back over.”
“Why?”
“Am I doin’ the DNA?” he asked to be sure.
She nodded.
“Mainly cuz of you. If she ain’t Johnnie’s kid, you can rest easier. If she is, you can come to terms with that and don’t live your life wonderin’.”
She blinked, on the verge of tears again. “I just want to matter.”
“You matter to a bunch of motherfuckers, baby. You just want to matter tothatmotherfucker. I ain’t judgin’ you cuz as long as I matter to Megan, I ain’t givin’ a fuck who else care about me.”
“It’s important how my children feel about me. I’m sure you feel the same way. Meggie always extol your virtues as a father.”
“Megan see the best in me cuz that’s what she look for. You know as much as I do as much asshedo that I ain’t winnin’ father of the year. Am I better than Johnnie? Fuck yeah, but that bar quite fuckin’ low. Megan always on my fuckin’ ass about what I got to do if she not here. Without her, there’s no me. Without her, I don’t want to be fuckin’ here and I don’t care who the fuck I leave behind. Iknowwho the fuck I am. Johnnie don’t.He can’t ever fuckin’ change if he not aware of who the fuck he is in the first fuckin’ place. I’ve tried to be the father Megan see me as. I thought I was, then she collapsed.” Clenching his jaw, he glanced away and shrugged. “We all know what the fuck happened.”
“You love Meggie. You love your children and your family. Johnnie only loves himself.”
“Johnniethinkhe love himself, but that only come with knowin’ who the fuck you are, acceptin’ what you like, and changin’ what the fuck you don’t. And I love, Kendall, cuz Megan taught me howtolove. She said I can kill whoever the fuck I wanna as long as they not on her list. I’m so fuckin’ happy, I want to dance in the fuckin’ street. A motherfucker makin’ death lists and choosin’ the gun, knife, scalpel, and nail lifters to fit the fuckin’ crime not a good motherfucker. To her, I’m everyfuckinthing and that’s all that matter to me.”
Kendall nodded.
“As my partner in this and a club attorney, what doyouthink I should do about Bash?”
At first, Kendall didn’t react. She drew her brows together. Then, his words registered and she widened her eyes.
