Bishop weaved his way through the crowd and stopped at the table. “Grant, Tennysee wants a word with you.”
“I’ll catch up to her later,” Grant promised.
“That’s a ‘no’ then, bro?” Bishop asked.
Grant nodded.
“I’ll let her know,” Bishop said, turned and disappeared back into the crowd.
“Narci gives me death stares just because I talk to thewoman,” Grant said, then tasted his beer.
“Fuck, Narci,” Ryan said. “He don’t really want her. He just don’t want anyone else with her.”
Everyone turned to Ryan. The motherfucker flushed.
“I was just saying,” he mumbled.
“Don’t say,” Rory snapped. “No one wants to hear what you have to say, Ryan.”
“And they want to fucking hearyou, cuck?” Ryan demanded.
Rory glanced away.
Something was odd about their interaction—Devon’s reaction, his clamped jaw and bleak look, but CJ was too tired to think much about it. After a long night, he hadn’t been able to sleep so he’d gotten up and worked out, purposely missing breakfast. He hadn’t wanted to see Dad, Diesel, or Axel.
He was so fucking thrown by everything. Guilt also weighed him down. He hadn’t meant to turn into such a jealous fuckhead. He hadn’t even realized it was happening. Little by little, small things turned into huge infractions. He’d never felt threatened because he’d never been challenged.
As Uncle Mort pointed out, no one was challenging him now. It was up to him to come to terms with all the changes. He wasn’t loved any less or seen as less. But he’d also made CJ think about Diesel, and everything Dad said.
That’s where CJ’s guilt came in. The Rebel situation had just been an excuse to stay on Diesel’s ass. CJwasworried about a relationship between those two, but Diesel did need, and deserve, a little understanding.
As for that stupid treehouse, CJ had been so fucking wrong to lash out and it shamed him to no end. He’d hurt Diesel and there was no excuse for that.
“CJ?”
“What, Ryan?” he responded, the annoying headache that sometimes plagued him since his overdose, coming on full force. “What do you want?”
“Your forgiveness. Reb…Rebel visited me. She said I hurt her. And the only reason I did was because she’d started to care about me. Did I…did I hurt you, too?”
“Is that your fucking roundabout way of asking ifIcared about you?” CJ snapped.
Ryan’s nostrils flared and he straightened in his seat. “Fuck you, cuck. Forget it.”
“I wish I fucking could,” CJ said. “Unfortunately, you’re going to be pushed down my fucking throat—”
“I was going to sacrifice myself, but you always have to be in fucking control.”
CJ was so fucking tired of the constant arguments. It proved that life wasn’t completely back to normal. Tempers were still running high, feelings were still hurt, and lives were still broken. He rubbed the back of his neck and gnashed his teeth together. “Yeah, Ryan. You hurt me deeply. Whatever I expected from you, I never would’ve thought you’d hurt innocent girls. Our cousins. My sister. Especially after we all became friends. I wouldn’t be as upset if you’d targeted one of us.” He flicked his fingers between himself and the other guys. “You and me have had fucking fist fights. That would’ve made sense. But to use them to hurt me? How could you?”
“I told you—”
“I know what you said. I don’t want you dead, Ryan. Not only for Aunt Zoann, but for Uncle Val. Devon.”Him, although he was too hurt and angry to admit that. “You accuse me of always wanting to be in control, but I can’t get through a fucking school day without you, Rory, orsomeonepulling me away to help with some family drama. If you don’t want me to be incharge, then help out sometimes. Let everyone tap you, pull you out of class or away from lunch, to solve fucking problems.”
“We come to you because you always know what to do, CJ,” Rory said. “Whether you know it, Iamloyal to you. I’ve made mistakes.”
“Just forget it, Ro,” CJ said tiredly as the crowd parted and Diesel breezed to the table. “I want this to never have happened, Ryan. But no one gets everything they want.”
“Speak for yourself, little brother,” Diesel said.
