“Maybe, baby.” He studied her mouth. “I never let myself think about when we first met.”
When he’d undressed her to check her for microphones.
“Never?”
“That’s disrespect to the highest fucking degree,” he said. “Not only to you, but to Bailey. That woman broke my goddamn heart because I love the fuck out of her. If she got fucking sense anytime soon and was willing to work on our marriage, I would go back to her. Even if you and me slept together. The last fucking thing I ever want to do is hurt you like that. What kind of a motherfucker would I be to take advantage of you when I’ve spent almost half my goddamn life protecting you?”
He had. That’s why she loved him so much. “I understand. I guess you think I’m a hypocrite for going after Symphony and now pressing you for the same thing.”
“Not a hypocrite. Just Kendall. Fiery, determined, and amazing. I’m so fucking lucky to have you. But be honest with me and yourself that you wouldn’t do the fucking same and welcome Johnnie with open arms if he started behaving. You’d leave me in the fucking dust and not look back. Even if we slept together.”
“Probably.” Kendall longed to be happy again and for Johnnie to love her as best he could. “Sometimes, I’ll go in his closet and just inhale one of his jackets. Smell the lingering scent of smoke and his cologne.Him.”
“Bailey live in my fucking head, too, Red. I dream about her and wake up, and she not there. It’s just breaking me, little by little. Maybe I could’ve got through to her if Johnnie hadn’t fucked with her.”
“I know, Mortician, and I’m so sorry.”
“You already apologized. A dozen fucking times. That’s not your place. Only Johnnie can do that and fucking mean it. Stop being a motherfucker.”
“Would you forgive him?”
“If I got my wife back and she loved and trusted me? In time. I don’t know if I’d ever trust him again.”
“I’m sorry—”
“Kendall—”
“I am,” she croaked. “He’s the reason we’re with each other right now. If that motherfucker acted like he had a fucking brain, we wouldn’t be seeing each other…differently. Of all the things left for him to fucking do, he chose to fuck with your marriage. And I’m so very sorry.”
“Stop, baby. Just stop. I don’t see you no different becausehea motherfucker and you still love him. You been lovingJohnnie, through all his motherfuckery and stupidity. The only fuckhead blind to that is him. It’s why you wanted Prez so much. For Johnnie to see you and to care.”
“He’s hurt so many people that I love. I try so hard to stop loving him. Maybe it’s dependence because I can’t truly love a motherfucker like him. Only a stupid bitch would do that.”
“And you not a stupid bitch,” Mortician said around laughter.
Kendall giggled.
“It don’t matter if it is dependence or real love,” Mort said, sobering. “You don’t have to explain to me. I don’t think no less of you. You probably wish he was sitting next to you right now instead of me.”
She did, but he probably wouldn’t be as kind to her as Mortician. “The one night I need him to hold me, he hasn’t even called to check on me. He’s at the clubhouse, drinking with his traitorous friends, cursing the day he met me.”
Mort gave her a thoughtful look, then nodded to the round table across the room. “How about we play a little poker and have more beer? In between, we can cry over Johnnie and Bailey’s desertion of us.”
Kendall would cry when she was alone again. Right now, she wanted Mortician’s kindness. “Can we dance first? I have the perfect song for us.”
“Can I withhold my answer until I hear the fucking song?”
“No, silly.” She got to her feet and held out her hand. “Just trust me.”
“I have a fucking feeling I’m going to regret this, Red,” he said, placing his hand in hers and standing.
Instead of calling out the title for her device to play, Kendall used the app on her phone to find the song, not wanting to spook Mortician.
“For fucking real, Kendall?” he demanded when the sound of rain emanated from the speaker.
“Please?”
He wouldn’t turn her down. He never did, unless he had to do something with his family or for the club.
