“They’re dead, Momma. Because of me. There’s no use in working yourself up over them.”
The words halted Momma, and she kneeled in front of Mattie, linking their hands. “Matilda, sweetheart, listen to me. I was sixteen when I lost my virginity, to a fifty-year-old teacher who fucked me in exchange for a passing grade. It was in the back of his classroom on the dirty floor. For so many years, I convinced myself that I did what I had to do. I didn’t see it as a dirty fuckhead preying on a vulnerable girl. That is exactly what the fuck those assholes did to you.”
“I didn’t lose my virginity to them.” Mattie bowed her head in shame. “It was to Wally Bart.”
Momma leaned in and hugged her tightly. “No, no, my darling. Donotbend in defeat. You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. Do you hear me?”
She heard her. It was just hard to believe. “It was rarely about…about…” She couldn’t finish. This was her mother she was talking to. She was certain Momma wouldn’t want too much information, even if Mattie was grown. “Never mind.”
“Men like those two fuckheads use sex as a weapon. It’s about control, not pleasure.”
“Wally Bart isn’t a man.”
“He’s still a motherfucker,” Momma snarled.
“If it wasn’t my fault, I wouldn’t need birth control. You wouldn’t have agreed.”
An alert beeped on Mattie’s phone, but she ignored it. She had several different alarms. One was for a scanner to make sure she didn’t have any unknown devices listening in. She’d put that in place months ago because of Wally, and all his threats. Since he and his brother were friends with Ryan, she didn’t trust that they wouldn’t find a way to spy on her and try to use it against her.
Ryan knew about hacking, too. Uncle Stretch might have all types of firewalls and dedicated servers in place. However, just like Mattie could bypass them, Ryan could as well.
Another alert sounded.
“Text messages?”
Mattie nodded. “Reb and I are looking at clothes.”
Momma brushed her fingers through Mattie’s hair. She wore contacts today, although her eyeglasses made her look so studious and elegant. To Mattie, her mother was the most beautiful woman she’d ever seen. She chose colors that complemented her red hair and brown eyes. Since she’d workedfrom home today, she wore a simple green blouse, black skinny pants, and black flats. Her clipped up hair allowed her pearl studs to be easily seen.
“Mattie, darling, I agreed because I don’t want you in a position to where you end up having sex, onyourterms, and then are worried about a pregnancy before you’re ready.”
Mattie thought about that, then nodded. “It isn’t that I don’t want protection. I was just worried about the reason.”
“You’re so very young. I tried so hard to keep the club away from…” She leaned back on her haunches. “From Rory. When he was a small boy. I went about it completely wrong and regret my behavior. But I knew MC life would swallow him…steal him away. Even a club like the Death Dwellers, where life is a little more valued…it doesn’t matter. I knew eventually he wouldn’t escape it. I was happy that the club doesn’t allow women into its ranks, but I was living in a fantasy world to believe you wouldn’t be affected by this life.” She got to her feet and dusted off her pants. “Going forward, please don’t hide anything from me. Especially abusive assholes.”
“I promise.”
“I have to get to the club. Will you be okay?”
“Yeah, but isn’t church happening? You won’t be allowed in.”
“Trust me, darling.” With that cryptic statement, she turned and sailed out of the room.
Mattie pondered her mother’s meaning, until another alert came through. This one was different. It belonged to Rebel’s scanner that she’d placed yesterday during her visit. She wasn’t sure what she was looking for or who she was suspicious of—Ryan or someone else. But if Ryan was somehow spying on Harley, it was reasonable to assume, he was also spying on Rebel and Mattie.
At one time, he’d been deep in with the Bart brothers, formerly known as the Byrds. Suppose whatever was going on with Harley was because of them?
It was a stretch and she felt guilty for her mistrust of Ryan, but something wasn’t adding up.
Sighing, Mattie opened her phone and frowned at videos downloading. As she viewed one after the other of her and Rebel in some of their most intimate moments, a sick feeling roiled through her.
She hurried to her laptop and got to work discovering the servers connected to the cameras.
Thirty minutes later, she gasped.
Goddamn, this was so fucking bad.
Standing at the podium, Christopher had to fix his fucking mouth to discuss Gypsy’s death. Most of them knew her either because of her friendship with Megan and Bunny or because she was Derby’s old lady. Or both.
