She plopped on the sofa, placed her elbows on her knees and cradled her head in her hands.
“I’m sorry,” he told her, losing his steam. “I’m so sorry, Mom.”
He was apologizing for so much more than he could ever admit. “I just wanted to help her. I swear I didn’t do the pictures for any other reason,” he whispered. “I didn’t think about anything except her. That’s why I called CJ, Rory, and Grant over. I never meant to embarrass her.”
He expected another ass-beating. Instead, she slid onto the floor, drew him into her arms and hugged him tightly.
“Harley told me why you did it,” she said, not letting him go.
Harley didn’t know why or how Ryan made those images. “She did?”
“Bailey was losing her fucking mind and Harley said you did it to protect her. I wanted that to be the truth. You wouldn’t tell me what happened, so I thought she lied to protect you, but I know you.Myson. You’d never hurt a girl.”
Her words shamed him so much, he wanted to run and hide. “Mom.”
She pulled away and smiled, laying her hand on his jaw as if that was the only part of his face that had been abused. “CJ is like Christopher. Very protective. I guess he misunderstood the situation. And I owe you an apology, Ryan. I…”
“For kicking my ass?”
“You deserved that,” she said, laughing, then drew in a breath and told him what she’d said to Harley. “I’m sorry. I victim blamed and shamed. That was so unworthy of me. So hypocritical, considering what I went through.”
Ryan wanted to know the story, but his tumultuous emotions and overwhelming guilt left him at a loss on how to broach the subject. “Mom, it’s okay. I swear.”
“Thank you. Always remember what that bitch did to you wasn’t your fault,” she said fiercely.
“I don’t think about it.” It was the only way to deal. “I’m fine.”
“My grandfather...” Voice trailing and eyes misting, she shrugged. “Logan was so cruel. Anyone weaker than him were pawns. Women were expendable.Iwas expendable. Johnnie. Christopher was worth nothing. His legacy is violence,especiallyagainst women.Me.He set me up to be brutally raped.”
Her stark vulnerability made Ryan want to protect her for the rest of her life. Her opening up to help him felt wrong. He didn’t deserve it. He’dneverdeserved it. Judging by the look in her eyes, he wasn’t sure if he could handle hearing it from her.
“Mom, don’t.”
She grabbed his hands; her fingers shook. “The club was built on death and betrayal, and we were all casualties. Even Johnnie. As much of a motherfucker he’s become. Your father and your uncles tried to make it as safe as possible for their wives and children. But–” She bowed her head. “I needed to be heard to heal. If you can’t talk to me, talk to Val. Or Mort. Whether you know it or believe it, he’s an excellent listener and adviser.”
“I-I’ll think about it. I don’t know what to say, though.”
“How you feel. How…what happened.” She met his gaze and smiled gently. “I haven’t been a perfect mom, but I justwanted you and Devon healthy and happy. Knowing what happened to you has devastated me.”
“It isn’t your fault.”
“I shouldn’t have let you go with those two fuckheads. I never liked Willard or Wallace. But I wanted you to have friends, since you couldn’t seem to get along with anyone here. We all have opinions about Meggie. I guess I’m guilty, too. She sheltered her kids on one hand because she is the pawn for Christopher’s enemies. It makes sense she’d think their kids could be targets to bend Christopher. On the other hand, she let them run wild.”
“Letimplies past tense,” Ryan grumbled. “Have you talked to Axel recently?”
“I was there when he graffitied Cash’s house.”
“You didn’t beat his ass? If that had been me–”
“I wanted to beatCash’sass.”
“No shit?”
“He’s a motherfucker and Ophelia is a stupid bitch. The end.”
Ryan laughed.
Mom smiled, then got to her feet and sat on the sofa. “Sometimes, I thought Meggie kept her kids a little too close.”
