Mortician stiffened. “I take umbrage to that.”
“You don’t like it?” Axel asked to be certain.
He nodded.
“Good. ‘Cause what good is a fucking insult if you like that motherfucker?” Axel said.
Lou and Kaleb giggled until Bailey turned her I’m-about-to-beat-your-ass look on them and they shut up immediately. The woman had lost her sense-of-humor.
“Another shirt, Ax?” Ransom asked, smiling.
“Yes! This one will say I’m not eighteen so I can’t join the fucking club.”
“We thought so,” Ryder said, snickering.
Mortician glanced at the kitchen table, hoping his ashtray was there, but it was gone. He squeezed the tip of his cigarette and put it in the pocket of his cut.
“Legend!” Ransom crowed as Axel’s eyes rounded and Ryder rushed to him. “How do you do that without burning your fingertips, Uncle Mort?”
“Uncle Christopher knows how to do it, too,” Harley said.
“No way!” Axel said. “Dad is too senile to be so cool.”
“Harley right, little dude,” Mortician said, winking at his daughter. “Outlaw showed it to me years ago.” He held out his hand, palm up. “But my hands are rough. You boys have tender fingers. Wait ‘til you get a few callouses and thicker skin for protection.”
“Are you really fucking entertaining this fucking brat, Lucas?” Bailey demanded, destroying the calm that Mortician had managed to get in the boys. “I don’t allow such disrespect from my own kids. I definitely won’t allow it from that bitch’s.”
Axel gasped.
“Get the fuck out before you end up in the same fucking police cruiser as CJ when I send the cops for him.”
“You’re having CJ arrested?” Ransom asked in confusion. “And you called my mom a bitch?”
“Yes—”
“Listen up, Aunt Bailey,” Axel inserted. “I don’t know what crazy sauce infected your fucking brain, but before you get CJ arrested, Mom will getyoukilled. CJ might’ve turned into a whiny, hardheaded, jealous fuckhead, but that’s my brother and he’s her potato. If you don’t like the fire, get the fuck out of the oil. ‘Cause not only willyouget fucked up, but so will Uncle Mort. Divorce the man if you fucking hate him that much. You knew what you were getting into when you signed up to be his fucking wife. You can’t back out now ‘cause you don’t like Mom no more. You’re lucky I love Uncle Mort and like Harley, Lou, and Kaleb. Otherwise, I’d tell Dad you called Mom a bitch. That would solve Uncle Mort’s problems. He’s been a sad, mopey motherfucker because you’ve turned into a miserable cunt. The Tabitha miserableness not the one Winniemightbe ‘cause Uncle Cash is a stupid mean fuckhead. Just likeyou. So here are my thoughts.”
“Fuck, bro, you got more?” Ryder complained. “I don’t even know if she’s listening. I think you’ve made her brain freeze in shock.”
Bailey was gaping at Axel. Fuck,Mortgaped at that little motherfucker.
“She blinked,” Axel said, nodding to her. “Her brain’s working, so listen good. Nobody feels fucking sorry for you ‘cause Harley turning into a miserable cunt isyourfucking fault. You especially can’t try to hurt my brother and talk about my mom because you don’t like yourself.”
Bailey snorted. “Now you’re reaching. Who says I don’t like myself?”
Mort cocked his head to the side. Was Baileyactuallyengaging with Axel?
He sighed dramatically. “Does any motherfucker know about context clues?”
“Did you give me any?”
“That’s a no. That’s my next fucking shirt.Anyway,” Axel continued, “not only don’t you like yourself, you don’t likenofuckingbodyno more.”
“Neither do you,” Bailey responded.
She wasn’t engaging in the way Mort first thought. She was psychoanalyzing, in child psychologist mold.
“I don’t?” Axel asked.
