“Ahh, and how many times were you with him last night?” she asks with a little ear wiggle. My face heats but I just giggle.
“Well, not like that, if you’re implying what I think you’re implying. We’re taking it slow. You know, there’s the size difference to think about.” At that she nods like she is thinking it, but doesn’t want to be the first say it. “But also… I just met him. I’ve only been here for five days. I don’t want either of us to rush into something and then regret it later.”
“Why would you regret it? If there is an attraction, exploring that is only natural.”
“Humans generally are a bit more reserved than that, but I get what you’re saying, too. I was worried about what other citizens would think at first. I didn’t want Khur or I to become social pariahs. It seems like everyone who's seen us together has been pretty chill, though, if a bit curious. I guess I’m just…worried I’ll get my heart broken. I like him so much already, I’m afraid if I give myself to him completely, and this doesn’t work out, it will crush me. My mother didn’t really love mydad growing up, and when she left us, it destroyed him. I don’t want to ever feel like that… but I’ve never felt like this, either.”
Furga nods, leaning back against the counter, all pretense of work abandoned. Luckily, the station is empty this morning, “Honestly? I’ve never seen Khur this happy, and I’ve known him almost my whole life. We grew up in the same barracks community. Urzu and I have been best friends since our fangs grew in. Khur used to run around with my brothers, causing mischief.”
Her smile is nostalgic and melancholy. I reach out and squeeze her forearm fondly. I sometimes forget that everyone here has lost someone. Hell, we all lost everything and somehow found a new place to start again. Furga especially, is so bright and cheerful, I didn’t even know she had brothers.
“I was the only one in my family to make it off Dhugar, besides my uncle anyways. What I was saying though, is that Khur is happier than I’ve ever seen him, more carefree and light. Last night he came in singing! It woke the kids up and we’djustgot them settled. I’ve never heard him sing. It was like apurkullwailing in the night. You made him that happy. I know because he sat down with Urzu and I and told us all about the meadows, and how joyous you were when the flower trains flew overhead. He’s never sat down and talked to us like that, especially not since we came to Sanctuary. You’ve changed him, Destiny, in the best way.”
That is almost too much for my bursting heart to take, so I sniff up the tears threatening to make themselves present and grab the tablet on the counter.
“I don’t know what I’m waiting on. Maybe a sign from the universe,” I chuckle at my own joke, as if the universe hasn’t done enoughfor me already. “Let’s get these orders done. Maybe I can help you deliver today.”
“Actually, I asked Stomawk about another visitor. He did not like that idea. I wish there was something I could do to help him. He seems lonely.”
Thinking of the disastrous visit from Gunnvall to my dad, I reply, “maybe he just needs time. There’s an old human saying, time heals all wounds.”
“That’s funny, Dhugarens have a saying, too: an untouched wound will fester. You have to clean it out, put medicine on it sometimes, so that it can heal. You can’t ignore it and hope it will go away. The same goes for wounds of the soul. Or as you humans would say, of the heart.”
We make idle chatter as we pack orders and I keep an eye out for customers—though we are painfully slow and few citizens come in today—while she is delivering, and throughout the whole day I can’t stop thinking about what she said. Maybe time doesn’t always heal. Maybe a wound needs to be debrided and sanitized, no matter how much it may hurt.
These thoughts stay in my mind as I walk home. I think it’s time my dad and I had a long talk.
17
Khur
There’s a lightness in my chest I’ve never felt before. It’s like the hard Dhugaren ice that has always encased my heart has melted, and the steam from it is filling my chest cavity. I’m warm as I practically skip to the maintenance office this morning, thoughts of Destiny taking up all the space in my mind. Her joy watching the Silfan Wind-Riders, her confidence as she slid beneath the table in her house, the shy anticipation as I went to my knees before her in the washroom. She is an intoxicant I am already addicted to.
I don’t even realize I’m at work until I hear my name being called. I look up to see I’m standing outside the door to our office, smiling like a fool, and Meshi is standing behind me waiting to go in.
“Wow, I was going to ask how your evening was, but I think the answer is pretty clear,” he chuckles good naturedly, and while my response might have been to growl at him in the past, today all I can do is chuckle back.
“I am a changed Dhugaren, Meshi. Destiny has melted all the ice inside me, I must be something else now.”
“Nah, that’s just love, my friend. My ma always says, love is like the best warm wind current, pushing us to new heights. If you had wings you’d be unable to keep your feet on the ground right now, if you’re dopey look is any indication. Now get through the door and we can discuss this at our desks.”
I only laugh harder, pushing my way into the office and to my corner of the room. Josep is already here, nose deep in his tablet, but he glances up as we walk in and a smile blooms on his face. Now I know I am wearing my feelings on my face, because I have the whole office grinning like children and all I can do is laugh and consider singing again, though I decide against it after remembering Urzu and Furga’s grimaces the previous evening.
“Khur, it is so good to see you happy. I take it my advice worked out with your human?” Josep tucks the tablet into his desk drawer, giving me his full attention.
“Well, I wouldn’t say all the advice was sound, but it’s worked out grand so far, so I won’t complain about it. The absence thing? Perhaps don’t tell anyone that anymore. Destiny was livid that I had “ghosted” her, as she called it, for three days.” I chuckle again at the fire in her eyes when she told me about that phrase.
He nods seriously, as if cataloging it for the future, and I take a moment to consider how much Josep is invested in this. Does he have a human he fancies, as well?
“The flowers, though, were a hit. And the gift. She was so thrilled to see her name written in her own language, I will need you to teach me the shapes of it so I can do it next time. I can’t wait to show her the dancing. She’s going to love it,” I continue.
“I’m so glad this is working out for you. She must be a splendid female to have captured your heart so thoroughly,” Josep says.
“My heart, my soul, I know it’s quick, or at least she keeps saying it is, but I think they both may belong to her.”
Meshi makes a choked sound from his desk and looks like he might cry so I change subjects quickly. This whole maintenance department is turning into a bunch of romantics.
“She also had some splendid ideas. I can’t believe we hadn’t thought of some of these things honestly…”
