“Maybe they were real once, but they aren’t any more.”
I know the exact kind of nightmares he’s talking about. Memories. The ones that haunt you and make you relive them over and over in your dreams. I have my fair share of those.
He makes a noise in his throat and I think he is going to argue with me, but then he just says, “War. I dream about war.”
“Mmm, you came from a stratocratic world, right?” I vaguely remember that Dhugarens had destroyed their home planet with nuclear war. Much like humans did with pollution and oil drilling and greed.
“Yes. We were technologically advanced savages,” he says, staring at the hands he has fisted on his knees.
“Didn’t seem that way to me when I was exploring a winter wonderland and then getting rescued by one of those so-called savages.” I elbow him lightly.
“Hmph. Were you trying to strike me just then? It felt like a tickle. I did not realize humans would be so weak.” He smirks at me, glancing sideways to see my reaction.
“I wasn’t trying to strike you! I was teasing. Trying to get you to smile. And we’re not weak! We all have different strengths.” That last bit is a quote straight from the orientation video and I mentally pat myself on the back for that one. Plus, it looks like Khur is actually struggling not to smile.
“That is true, we do. And now I know that yours is not striking. Or swimming. Or withstanding cold temperatures. Perhaps you can demonstrate some human strengths for me." He's fully smiling now, and I know he’s teasing and the easy ribbing feels fun between us, comfortable in a way I haven’t felt in a long time. Too bad the guy is a different species than me. He doesn’t seem like a growly asshole inthe dim light of the common room, sitting on a cot that is straining to hold us both.
“I can’t reveal all my tricks. Perhaps you’ll have to find out for yourself.”
My bare shoulder, peaking out of the loose collar ofhistunic, brushes his warm, furry shoulder and I realize I’ve been leaning into him subconsciously. I’m drawn to his warmth like a moth to a flame and that feels entirely too dangerous and alien. So I do what I do best and get the heck out of there as soon as things get uncomfortable.
“Anyways, I just wanted to wake you from your nightmare. You were making noise in your sleep. Have a good night.”
He doesn’t respond and he doesn’t have any more nightmares for the rest of the night. I know because I lay there in the darkness of his bedroom, sleep just out of reach, until morning.
7
Khur
I’m back on the battlefield, and I’ve just got the call to retreat. We don’t retreat though.We do not surrender.That is our creed. So I ignore it, and command my troops on, falling behind the first wave to make sure the second is in formation. Then, my men start to disappear behind a thick fog. Smoke bombs, I think it must be. But then it hits me. The information I didn’t have at the time, but do now. In my dream, it just hits me like a bad memory. We were supposed to retreat so they could…
This is when I start screaming.
The nightmare must have been triggered by the events in New Ulvand today. Having someone’s life in my hands like that, having Furga call mesir, it must have stirred up some memories I keep trying to forget. I am beyond grateful for Destiny when she wakes me before my men start blowing up in front of me.
If it had been anyone else—if it had been a Dhugaren—I would have never accepted their comfort and kind words. It's not our way to show comfort and affection when someone is weak. We are trying to change this way of thinking for the cubs growing up inthe station, but for old vets like me, it is not an easy habit to break. Destiny doesn’t know that, though. She is a human and her customs are surely much different than my own.
This was, perhaps, the reason I let her comfort me instead of pushing her away, instead of snarling and snapping like I might do if Furga or Urzu had brushed my brow with their fingers. Or perhaps I could not resist, because those fingers were so soft, so gentle. Her palm was warm and smelled floral and a bit like me, probably from where she was sleeping on my bed. Some baser instinct was pleased by the thought that she smells like me, even just a little bit.
Then she spoke to me in sweet, soft tones and any hesitations I still held seemed to melt away. She sat next to me and teased and smiled so prettily. She poked me with her elbow in a gesture so gentle, it had to be purposeful. I even insulted her strength, just to check. She isnothinglike a Dhugaren woman. They would not have smiled or spoken sweetly. If they saw a male at a point of weakness, they would probably spit on him and then walk away. They growled and challenged potential mates to fights, while Destiny just smiled and tried to comfort me.
It is a lot to wrap my head around.
Then she got spooked, like awursplaton a dark night, and fled like prey. I wanted to chase after her and drag her back into my arms and just hold her. Instead, I let her go back to my room and sleep in my bed and I didn’t get another wink of sleep, too preoccupied with what my sheets would smell like after she left.
This morning, I am tempted to go stick my face in my pillows, just to check, but that would be weird, and I don’t think I could pass itoff as a cultural difference with this many nosy Dhugarens hanging about.
Even now, my niece and nephews take turns peppering Destiny with questions and station advice while Urzu and I stand by the food machine sipping our morning drinks. Furga leans her hip against the table and tries to get a word in between the kids’ questions. She isn’t doing very well.
I’m thrilled the cubs have taken to Destiny so quickly, but annoyed that they are hogging her attention. I’m going to walk her home after breakfast and I need an excuse to see her again. I can’t stop thinking about her soft hands, her sweet voice. And how vulnerable and fragile she is, with no one to look after her on this station. She needs someone to protect her. I am out of that business. I won’t be putting anyone’s life in my own hands, so I will need to think of someone who can look out for her. She has a light that the greater galaxy has not dimmed yet, and I really don’t want her to lose it.
Destiny looks up at me from above the tousled head of my nephew and smiles without reserve. She looks so comfortable and joyous at the dining table of an alien’s apartment on a space station in the far reaches of the universe. I can’t decide whether I envy her spirit or think she’s crazy. It took months before I was comfortable around other aliens, and there were half the species on this ship when the Dhugarens moved in.
“Are you about ready, Khur? I don’t want my dad to worry too much,” Destiny asks from the table to the vocal disappointment of my niece and nephew.
“Sure. You said you were in Sub 14? We can take the maintenance halls if you like. They’re quieter.”
I can see my sister’s eyes shining from where she’s standing next to me and I purposefully keep my eyes glued on Destiny. So what if I want a few more minutes alone with her? She’s sweet and she’s new here. She’s probably overwhelmed by everything in the main corridor.
