My knees hit the floor.
I'm level with her face now. Close enough that I can see the individual strands of her eyelashes. Close enough that her exhale hits my mouth when she breathes out.
I could put my thumb in her mouth. Feel the wet heat of it. See if she'd suck in her sleep.
I could wrap my hand around her throat—gentle, barely any pressure—and feel her pulse jump when she startles awake. See her eyes go wide. Watch her figure out where she is, who's touching her, what I could do if I wanted.
My hand is hovering over her face. When did that happen.
I pull it back. Slow. My fingers curl into a fist.
The cot I had brought in is four feet away. I should go to it. Should give her space. Should be something other than what I am.
I don't move.
The lamp burns low. Her breathing stays even. The loose thread at her sleeve catches the light every time her chest rises.
I stay on my knees. Watching her. Counting her breaths because I can't touch her and I have to do something with my hands or I'm going to—
I'm keeping her.
Her.
The corridor is longer than I remember.
Renan walks beside me, not touching, not speaking. Just present. Matching my pace even though my pace is shit—slow, uneven, my ribs screaming every step like they're personally offended I'm vertical.
My lips are still tingling.
Great. Wonderful. My body is now fixating on the exact sensation of a god's fingers brushing my mouth. Really productive use of my remaining brain cells.
The stone is cold through my shoes and I focus on that instead of—
His thumb catching the juice. Bringing it to his own lips.
My stomach clenches. Lower than my stomach.
Shut up. Shut up.
I'm thinking about his hand on my hip and getting wet in a stone hallway like a fucking idiot.
"He does that," Renan says. "Runs. When things get too close."
"I didn't ask."
"I know."
The door to Koshin's chambers appears. Renan opens it, steps aside.
"Rest," he says. "He'll be back eventually."
"Where is he?"
"Somewhere he goes when he needs to think." Something shifts in Renan's expression. Almost soft. "He has a lot to think about."
I step through. The door closes.
Silence.
