"Stay."
He's at the door before I can respond. Not looking at me. His hand on the frame, knuckles white.
"Koshin."
He stops. Doesn't turn.
"What just happened?"
Silence. His shoulders rise and fall once. Twice.
The door opens. Closes. He's gone.
I sit on the counter, legs still spread, pulse still hammering, the plate of food untouched beside me.
The door opens again. Renan—his eyes sweep the room once, find me on the counter, and his mouth does that thing.
"He left."
"I noticed."
"He told me to take you back. Not leave you alone." Renan crosses to the counter and leans against it. Close but not too close. "You look wrecked."
"Thank you. Very helpful."
"What did he do?"
I don't answer. Can't. My body is still buzzing, still hot, still confused about why it stopped. He smelled me. He groaned. He touched my hip and my thigh and my mouth and then he just—left.
"Nothing," I manage. "He did nothing."
"Huh." Renan's watching me. Too knowing. "That's a lot of nothing."
"Shut up."
"Just observing."
I slide off the counter. My legs are unsteady and my ribs protest—everything protests—but I ignore it all and start walking toward the door.
"Where are you going?"
"Back to the chambers. Isn't that what he said? Take me back, don't leave me alone." I don't look at him. "So take me back."
Renan falls into step beside me. Silent for once. A small mercy.
My body won't calm down. My pulse won't slow. Every step reminds me of his hands on my hips, his breath on my neck, the sound he made when he pulled away.
I don't know why his hands on my body feel different than every other hand that's ever been there. I don't know why I'm frustrated that he left instead of relieved.
I don't know why I wanted him to stay.
This is bad. This is very bad. Twenty-four years of keeping my head down and my legs closed, and this is what breaks me. Bread. Bread and his hands.
Fantastic. Horny for the god who owns me. Really outdoing myself here.
I could go back.
The thought arrives before I'm ready for it. I could walk back into that kitchen right now and put my hands on her and—
