Dropping my hand, I gaze up at Addie from my very comfortable spot in her lap. Her bubble gum pink hair is newly colored, her eyes sparkling with barely held back tears.
“The baddest,” she whispers, nodding furiously.
Sitting up, I hug her tightly. I’m leaving all the furniture behind for her, because I won’t need it. I’m moving back in with my father while I figure out if I want to live alone or not.
A shiver runs down my spine, and Addie squeezes me harder as if she can scare it away. She’s tiny, but if anyone can dispel my demons, it would be her.
“I should get on the road,” I finally murmur. “It’s a seven hour drive to New Orleans.”
“I know,” she mumbles. “I’ve been telling myself to let go for the last five minutes.”
Both of us chuckle ruefully as we pull apart, and I sigh as I pick up my shoulder bag and stand up. All my personal items are packed in the back of my old Buick. I saved up to buy it, and that thing may turn like a damn boat, but it’s mine.
Dad struggled to find another job after what happened to me, and I drowned in guilt the entire time. A contact of his agreed to give him a shot, making him the coach of the New Orleans Dragons for the past three years. Before my father landed this job, he did a lot of consulting, because hockey has been a major part of his life.
I know he’s missed it. He’s been begging me to move closer to him, so when this job opened up, I interviewed for it. I know he feels as much guilt as I do, and I’ve been trying to work on that.
I am not responsible for other people’s actions, but I can protect myself.
Addie stands, hooking her arm in mine as we begin to walk toward the front door. My feet get heavier as I think about everything waiting for me and I dig inside of my bag for my scent blocking spray.
“Cae,” she says, stopping when I shake my head and pull out the expensive bottle.
“You know that I can’t go out there without this,” I remind her, stepping away to spray it all over me. Her eyes are sad as she watches me drop the bottle into my bag and grab a perfume oil that’s herb scented.
Anything that will hide my scent, I’ll do it. I take heat blockers, sacrificing my hard earned money for the best on the market to ensure that I’ll never be vulnerable again. I hate my designation, how weak it makes me, and how alphas view me.
I’m not property, a cock tease, or anything else that I’ve been called. I’m a person. I ended up refusing the heat program at school, much to the chagrin of my advisors. If I can ignore that I’m an omega for as long as possible, then that’s what I plan to do.
There has to be a very special reason for me to open myself to anyone else. Even my friendships are closed off outside of Addie. I can’t bring myself to trust either. I just want to live my life, reconnect with my dad, and go from there.
“I hate that oil, babe,” Addie complains.
“If I have to stop for gas, so will everyone else around me,” I say, shrugging. It’s not that it smells bad, but it is a good repellent. I only use it when I’m worried about where I’m going. There’s another oil that I use that’s fainter and smells like patchouli.
My scent blockers block all scent, and I’m obviously an omega due to my size and features. Smelling like nothing can bring more questions than not. This is how I manage to get around it.
Taking a deep breath, I discreetly shake out my hands.
“Okay. I really have to go now,” I say. “I know you hate this scent so I won’t hug you again. You know I love you, right?”
“Yes, you’re my ride or die, babe,” she says with a grin. “Now go show New Orleans how much of a badass you can be.”
Walking out the door, I walk in my chunky boots down the stairs, waving one last time at Addie. A glance at the mirror hanging from the wall is a reminder of how much I’ve changed. My black cargo pants are thick, and my lace, long sleeved shirt underneath my band t-shirt is another layer of protection from the world.
I know my curves can still be seen, but I’m also giving major fuck off vibes as well with my dark lipstick and smoky eyes. It’s all armor to push people away, and was a slow transition after the night I hate to think about. McCreuger broke my nose and cheek bone, and both took forever to heal from.
I was wearing baggy clothes to hide my body by the time I moved in with Addie, something I had never done before the incident. I used to enjoy dressing up and feeling pretty before I presented as an omega, but now all I wanted to do was hide.
Addie pulled the truth out of me one night with ‘special’ brownies and the promise to keep my secrets when she’d finally had enough, and cried with me once I told her everything. She helped me realize that hiding doesn’t help, it just makes people stare harder.
Now, I make it as uncomfortable as possible when they do.
Opening the door to the apartments, I walk out to my vehicle in the parking lot. This place is one of many that helped me grow into who I am today, but it wouldn’t have been the same without Addie. Refusing to turn around because I can feel her gaze on me from the window, I get into the Buick.
We’ve always watched out for each other, making sure we make it to our destinations. I’ll text her when I get to Dad’shouse, but as I drive away, I know it won’t be the same. Things are changing, though I’m unsure if it's for good reasons yet.
Turning up the radio, I attempt to drown out my thoughts, and ignore each tear as they trail down my face. It’s not forever, just for now.
