Uther nudged my shoulder. “Don’t spend the whole night worrying. Let yourself have this.”
While Rheya was gods-knew-where, probably terrified, thinking I’d abandoned her? While a faerie deal was slowly killing me? While I was about to betray everyone here who’d shown me kindness?
The music thrummed through my bones, and the starfire made everything shimmer, and I wanted to forget. To pretend I could stay.
“How?”
“Start by breathing.”
I did, letting my lungs fill with the perfume of blooming vines, but I wasn’t here to drink or dance. This was my one shot to vanish. I needed to make it to the garden.
Uther led me to the food. We drifted to platters of glistening fruit nestled between roasted meats. I reached for a white, pulsing, lemon-shaped object.
Uther grabbed my wrist. “Not that.”
“Why?”
“It’s a velthra.” He plucked a purple berry from a nearby tray. “It’ll drown you in despair for hours.”
I immediately put it back.
“Wretched self-loathing,” Uther explained. “The kind that makes you want to sit in the corner and rethink all the choices you’ve made. Wouldn’t recommend it unless you’re in the mood for a crisis.”
I gawked at him. “Why wouldanyonedo that to themselves?”
“It gets boring after a thousand years.” He shrugged, fishing through a bowl of candied rose petals. “Agony can be a pleasant break from our monotonous existence.”
The starfire hummed through me, making the lights blur. I couldn’t even imagine a hundred years. And these beings lived so long that suffering became a form of entertainment. My entire mortal life was a footnote to them. A breath. How did you not go mad? Maybe that’s what the velthra was for.
He gestured at the table. “Some of these make you float, turn you blue, taste sound, and those—” he pointed to a platter of yellow-and-red cherries “—allow you to fall stupidly in love.”
I stared at the cherries. “You eat fruit to fall in love? Like it’s a game?”
“Well, yes. Though I wouldn’t call it love. More like infatuation.”
“That’s…humans don’t have that much time. When we love someone, itmatters. We don’t need magic to make usfeel things because we already feel everything so deeply. Because we know it’s going to end.”
Uther’s grin faded slightly.
“But you live forever, so you need tricks. Ways to make emotions feel new. Because nothing feels urgent anymore. I’m not sure if that’s sad or…bizarre.”
He smiled. “You’re an honest drunk.”
“I’m not drunk.”
“Yes, you are. But you’re also not wrong.”
I shook my head. “Have you ever taken one?”
“By accident. Once was enough to never do it again. I almost got killed.”
“Oh, Uther.”
I snort-laughed, wincing at the pain in my abdomen.
“Speaking of jealous males,” he muttered.
I followed his gaze, and the world narrowed to a face wreathed in orange light. Kairos stood across the courtyard, surrounded by harsh-looking warriors. The firelight played across his sharp jaw, and he was staring at me.
