Eric tries to leave again, and attempts to sneak around Rex’s side. But Rex pushes him back into the room.
“Knock it off, Rex,” Eric says. “It’s not what you think.”
“Oh, it isn’t, huh?” he snaps. “Shit, if you talk to her, she’ll tell you I’m the king of playing the field, buddy. You don’t think I know when I’m getting my ass played as well? Fuck, you two deserve each other. I won't step in your way. Take her, I’m sure as hell done trying.”
“Rex,” I shout.
I know he’s angry, but he doesn’t need to take it that far. I know I wasn’t one for holding back the low blows the other night, but he has never hit me that low, and damn it if it doesn’t fucking cut me wide open. It’s a slap in the face for all the times I should have shut my mouth when we fought before.
“Chill out, Rex,” Eric says. “She was just showing me…”
“Oh, I know all about what she can show you.” Rex’s eyes find mine. “She put on a pretty little show for me the other night. Isn’t that right, Gwen?”
“Fuck you,” I hurl at him.
“No thanks. Been there, done that. Hope you enjoy my sloppy seconds, Eric. She always was a good fucking cock tease.”
Eric’s fist collides with Rex’s face so fast I almost miss it. It’s a blow neither one of us was expecting. Rex stumbles backward and hits the wall behind him. Blood trickles down his face where Eric’s fist just hit. Rex looks at me as if that was the last blow. The final nail in the coffin we have built and filled with all the shit in our past. He nods his head at me, a final acknowledgment of sorts, and turns to leave.
“Rex,” I yell out. He stops in the doorway but doesn’t turn to look at me. “Stay.”
“What for, Gwen? I’m not down on my knees anymore, sweetheart. I won’t stay where I’m not wanted. You want to talk, you know where to fucking find me.”
Rex stalks out of the office, and I suddenly fear he’s walking out of my life forever. I look at Eric, whose sad expression tells me he knows better than to ask what that was all about. He takes his leave, and I’m once again left alone with myself and the mess I’ve somehow created.
26
Gwen
It’s late when I leave the office. The cool fog hangs around me as I walk the streets of New Orleans. Wandering through the night, I try to figure out how everything went wrong and, more importantly, how I will get us back on track. Or are Rex and I forever meant to be derailed?
Because nothing has come easy for us since the beginning.
Maybe it’s better if we just stop fighting.
Or maybe, this is just our style. The way we run our relationship, or lack thereof. Could it ever really be the things dreams are made of? Or will it forever just be a mix of bullshit pulling both of us in opposite directions when I know that all we both want is to be together?
Maybe in another world and time things could be different. As I walk the dark streets, I can’t help but wonder, was it not supposed to be here and now? Maybe, just maybe, what lies between us is too powerful. It’s a mess of beautiful chaos that we both can’t tame. Not even when we both fight so hard to try to.
Coming to a landing overlooking one of the many streets below, I realize I have wandered to the club. A small light illuminates one of the windows, and I smile, knowing fate sure has a funny way of making you always do the right thing.
The only person who could be there this late is Rex. It’s now or never. It’s time to face up to everything in my past and what our future holds. I look down at my small belly, and my body changing even though I can’t fully comprehend the magnitude of it all yet, and rub my slightly swollen stomach below my belly button. How am I supposed to tell him? How am I supposed to say what I need to and make it sound legitimate, especially after finding out he has known all these years about the secret I held in the past?
A past I’ve been trying to escape for a decade.
I almost died the night my sister did, but it wasn’t just her accident that derailed me for years afterward. It was the future I knew I was too young to have with the man I already knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. It was the horror a few days later watching myself lose a life I was just beginning to want, to feel, to need. All of it was too much, and I have shut down these last ten years trying to escape it all. I’ve been trying to outrun all the nightmares that won’t leave me alone about a man I still love and a future I thought was lost.
Until now. When fate dealt us a second chance.
Looking up, I straighten my spine and tell myself I can do this. I can finally release what I’ve held inside all these years and set it free. I can finally face Rex, his demons, and the past he wrestles with. A past we both wrestle with. It’s time we both decide, and there is no time like the present to finally figure all this shit out.
I take the steps two at a time, my feet race towards a decision I have finally come to terms with. It’s as if I can’t get there fast enough. Can’t get it all out fast enough. The secrets. The heartache. The uncertainty the future holds. I suddenly feel the need to explain. The need for deliverance. A deliverance from the past into my future. All I can do now is race toward the club and hope it is him.
* * *
Entering the building, the night feels cold and still around me. I follow the low light and see Rex slumped over the bar top, drink in hand and a nearly half-empty bottle of scotch next to him. He doesn’t notice me at first, so I stand and take him in. He’s a man destroyed by a past and possibly not ready to face the future I’m about to lay on him.
I hesitate for a moment as fear rises and fills my heart. I take my time as I step down the final three steps into the bar area and wonder just how I’m even supposed to start this conversation, let alone how it will all end. As I near the bar, his head lifts, and it looks as if he has been crying.
