Tension rolls off her in waves.What she wants. I’ve heard her use those exact words with Sterling and Sullivan multiple times. They want what’s best for her. They love her. Their family has been through hell. But she’s right. She doesn’t get asked what she wants often enough. She gets told instead.
“Not Brad,” I say.
“Who else?”
I suck in air through my nose, every muscle coiled tight in my body as I fail to offer up any alternatives. No one else is going to lay their hands on her and live. Not if I have any say in it.
“So it has to be you then.” She holds my eyes.
“I…” It tears at me, knowing that I’m letting her down. “Sinclair… I can’t.”
“Can’t or won’t? Come on, we don’t even have to speak if you don’t want to. I’ll just imagine you saying those things to me, it’ll still work. We can practice me getting out of holds again. Walk through them. I need you, Denver.”
I curse as her gaze turns pleading.
“I needyou. Please.”
Her begging me for something, for anything, is more than I can handle. I can’t ignore the desperation in her eyes. I can’t say no to a damn thing if she’s going to beg me with that edge of panic in her voice, should I deny her.
“Sinclair…” I sigh. But it’s too late. It’s done. She sees the breakdown of my reserve as I lift my eyes to hers.
“Thank you,” she breathes. “We’ll take it slow, I promise. I’ll do it however you want. You can take the lead.”
That’s what I’m afraid of. Because me taking the lead means staying in control. After yesterday, I know there's a danger that all my control will desert me again when it comes to her. But if it’s not me, then she’ll find someone else to train her. I know her, she’s stubborn. I can’t allow that to happen.
I clear my throat. “We take it slow. Tell me your safe word.”
“Mitt,” she breathes, biting her lower lip. “And I promise I’ll use it if I need to. It’s my responsibility, not yours. You don’t need to worry.” Her eyes light up, making my heart pound in my chest. I put that look on her face by giving her what she wants. But she doesn’t understand the potential consequences.
Because I’ve told her already, when it comes to her, I always worry.
And this time I know beyond doubt that I have every reason to.
23
SINCLAIR
I stand,ready to get started before Denver changes his mind.
“Shoot,” I mutter, pouting at my unfastened laces.
Denver bends, tutting as he starts to lace them for me. “How many times have I told you?—”
“Don’t give your opponent any vulnerabilities to exploit? I remember,” I say, before I shove him hard, catching him off guard and making him stumble backward.
His eyes glint as he looks up at me and quickly jumps to his feet. “Good.”
“Thought you’d like it.” I smile sweetly before blocking his arm as it comes for me.
The impressed look on his face makes my chest swell with pride. I’m a good student, and he might think we shouldn’t be doing this, but I’ve been taking notes, and this time I’m going to show him just how much I’m benefiting from it.
He comes for me again, grabbing me around the waist, but I get an elbow into the side of his face before he can lift me off my feet, buying myself a couple more seconds. He hisses and I struggle hard as he fights to bring me to the ground.
My back hits the mat as once again his size and strength outperforms mine. But like he’s taught me, it’s about using my head. And maybe he doesn’t want to talk this time, but he never said I couldn’t.
“Show me then.” I stare up at him as he clamps my hands either side of my head.
“Show you?” His brow furrows.
