“Lavinia is just a friend.”
Irritation flares up my spine. I want to help him, but he needs to meet me halfway. Or a quarter.Something.
“She lost her partner too.” I soften my voice and straighten from the desk, adopting a gentler approach. “You could open up to her. Maybe she can be more than a friend.”
“I could.”
I stare him down, refusing to break his gaze. But defeat weighs heavy on my shoulders, and I exhale wearily.
“But you won’t.”
His response is crystal clear from the unwavering return of his darkened gaze.
But I refuse to let him give up, to believe he’s missed his chance or that he doesn’t deserve another.
“Maybe another date? Some more time with her? I could arrange?—”
“Stop.”
“Let me help you,” I plead. “She’s a lovely woman, she’s?—”
“We slept together once, and I regretted it before it was even over!”
The air is sucked from the room as his sudden revelation bites through the gap between us.
He holds my eyes before cursing softly and shaking his head.
“I’m sorry if that’s wrong of me to say, but it’s the truth. I never looked at another woman after losing Elaina, despite what she did. Not until the anniversary of their deaths and I…”
He stands up and walks out from behind his desk. Slipping his hands into his pant pockets, he exhales. “Lavinia dropped by to check on me. I was still so angry about what Elaina did with Neil. I’d been drinking and I saw a way to get revenge with Elaina’s friend, or at least feel something other than betrayed for a change.”
“Sterling,” I murmur, hating the way his face is screwed up like he detests himself.
“I faked my own damn orgasm.” He grimaces. “Have you ever heard a man say that? Neither of us has ever mentioned it since. But it’s why every time she asks me to take her to a play or be her plus one at an art show, I agree. Because I feel guilty for involving her in my selfish, stupid actions. So damn guilty.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Why didn’t I tell you?” he repeats.
I nod, and he stiffens.
“I didn’t tell you, Hallie, because talking to you about women I’ve had sex with feels more wrong than anything else I’ve ever done.” He tips his head toward the ceiling with a curse. “… So damn wrong.”
Realization over how wrong I’ve been settles like a lead weight in my gut.
“It’s my fault. I swear I thought there was something there.”
“There isn’t.”
I falter, wondering whether to reach out to him. To ease the turmoil creasing his brow. This is my doing.
“I’m so sorry. I thought with what I was feeling and picking up on.... I’ve never gotten it so wrong before.”
No matter what I say, it won’t change the fact I screwed up. I’m supposed to bring joy to my clients. But looking at Sterling’s tightly clenched jaw, I can see how epically I’ve failed him.
“I’m sorry,” I repeat weakly. “I can fix this, I can?—”
“You can’t, Hallie.”
