Once I was alone with Elias, I maneuvered until I was lying down with him between me and the back of the couch.
He kicked out, and his hand caught my shirt, pulling on it.
I smoothed a hand over his hair. “I hope to hear back from the pediatrician soon. I’m a little tired of taking baths every time you have a dirty diaper.”
He grunted and gurgled.
“Oh, you have something to say on the matter?”
Another round of gurgles.
“I kinda like this. Two dudes hanging out on the couch.”
I loved it. I loved him. It had happened so quickly, too. One minute I was just helping Cora, and the next, he’d captured my heart.
My thoughts ran wild. I could see him calling me dad. Playing catch with him. Not that I really knew how to play, but we could learn together. Maybe he’d like jogging or when I was cleared to lift weights again, maybe he’d like that when he was older.
If nothing else, I had a prime example of what not to be as a dad. If I aimed for being the polar opposite, perhaps I’d be worth of the “dad” title.
Anna was wrong. I really didn’t deserve Elias or Cora, but I had more motivation to be deserving than anyone else. I wasn’t sure what that meant yet. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to try.
All I knew was I wanted Elias and Cora. I just…
How did I reconcile what I wanted with what I knew was better for them?
Could I reconcile it, live with it, accept it? If… she would even want me. Or want me to play a role in Elias’s life.
What if… all of this was just hope waiting to die at the hands of reality?
Chapter Sixteen
CORA
The heatof the bathwater had soothed my aching body, though nothing, it seemed, could touch the pain in my spirit. After stepping out and wrapping towels around my hair and body, the mirror reflected puffy eyes and a raw nose.
Waking up at three a.m. had been jarring. The last memory I had was Jason lifting me from the car. At some point, he must have carried me to my room. For hours, he’d simply held me while I wept. No questions, no empty words, just his quiet presence and the occasional whisperedI’m here. Sometimes rocking, sometimes holding me tighter, but never once offering meaningless platitudes.
After throwing on some pajamas, a quick check of Elias’s room revealed that it was empty. There was a moment of panic before my brain caught up. Jason would never let anything happen to my baby.
Halfway down the stairs, the sweetest scene came into view. Jason lay curled around Elias on the couch, both of them fastasleep. I tiptoed the rest of the way down, crossing the distance, and stopped at the end of the couch.
What a sight. A man that made my heart race and a little man that filled it with more joy than I thought possible. They were my world.
I was pretty sure I’d fallen for Jason long before now. No, I knew when his father shot Thomas and Jason stepped in front of me that I loved him. The very thought of losing him had filled me with panicked grief.
Seeing him with Elias only made me fall deeper. He’d been incredible with Elias, was even willing to let us move in with him. But that didn’t mean he wanted to be a husband and father. He was just being kind and helpful.
Like today. I had fallen to pieces and dumped my kid on him. And here he was, snuggled with Elias like he was his kid.
My silly head and heart giggled at the thought. Jason, my soulmate, and now, the father of my child… and possibly children.
I moved next to Jason and reached across to pick Elias up.
Jason jerked awake, grabbing my hand. “Hey.” He blinked. “I’m sorry,” he said and released me.
“I was trying not to wake you up.”
He rubbed his eyes. “It’s okay.”
