I play with her fingers now, running my thumb over her knuckles. “That’s not an answer.” I look at her face now, feeling my chest tighten. It takes every ounce of strength I have to not pull her in and apologize for the past two weeks of radio silence.
She looks at Marina and Scott and then back to me. “Okay, but I’m only here for fun, so you have like three minutes.”
I almost smile, but my heart’s racing as I pull her through the crowd and out the back door. The music gets quieter as we step outside, and the cold air hits us. I lead her across the yard and pull her into Rocky’s bedroom up the stairs. A few people are scattered in the backyard, smoking, but they don’t pay attention to us.
“Why are we coming all the way up here?” she asks as I close the door behind us.
“To talk.”
She releases my hand at the top of the stairs and questions, “You want to talk to me?”
I glare at her.
“It doesn’t seem like you want anything to do with me.”
“Why would you think that?”
She crosses her arms and says, “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because you ran away when Dane was at my place, and I haven’t heard from you since.”
I can’t even get into that right now––Dane at her place, the smug look on his face when she agreed that she and I were just friends, the way my chest caved in, and I couldn’t stand there any longer. So I mutter, “Why did you come tonight?”
“What?” she asks, confused.
I look at her beautiful face, hating that Scott invited her just to prove a point. Hating that it’s working.
She shrugs. “Scott invited us. I’ve been training Marina, Madeline, and Rose. He invited all of us.” She pauses. “That’s all.”
My gaze drops to her skirt and then her top. That shimmery fabric that I can’t stop looking at.
She inhales as I stare. I take a step forward, grabbing her arms. I uncross them.
“What’re you doing?” she whispers.
I look at her, wondering what the hell’s wrong with me. Why would I let her go? She’s the only thing I want, the only thing that’s made sense in my life. I lean down close enough to make her close her eyes. I don’t kiss her. I let myself feel her breath on my lips. It takes all my willpower not to lean in.
“I shouldn’t have disappeared on you again,” I whisper. “I’m sorry, Ce.” I grab her face and pull back to look into her eyes. “I don’t know how to do this.”
I rub her lips, missing the way they feel against mine. Hell, I miss her face so fucking much. I miss the way she looks at me.
“I thought I was doing the right thing.” My voice is rough. “Giving us space. Not making things harder.”
She stares back at me as she whispers, “We’re supposed to be friends.”
I shake my head. “I don’t think I can be just your friend, Ce.”
She exhales slowly, and I can see her processing that.
“You don’t get to disappear on me––”
I stiffen.
She steps back, creating space between us. The loss of her warmth feels immediate. “You don’t get to want me, pull me close, and then decide it’s too much when things get complicated.”
I open my mouth, but she keeps going.
“I’m not doing this if you don’t know what you want.” Her voice is steady, stronger. “I can’t keep waiting around for you to figure it out.”
Then she turns and starts walking down the stairs.
