I wouldn’t do the same for money, but I’d do it for Lele.
I close my eyes in the dark awning—no one knows I’m here but the guards stationed right inside the foyer, and Fox, of course—and think of my brother. I sat with him most of the day; wasted time, if I’m being brutally honest. There are meetings I need to attend, deals to negotiate, lives hanging in the balance of product and pushing and purse strings and policing. But I can dosome things from my phone and if I wasn’t there, the guilt would make me ineffective.
Then another image blurs with Lele lying helpless in bed, his darker blond roots starting to show through his bleached white hair; something I know he’d hate.
Storm Leary, at the edge of the cliff.
Seeing him again made me feel wild but known.Seen.It’s the same sensation I got in the funeral home. When I was already hardened but there was hope, too. He seemed to be what I wanted to reach for.
In that short moment, I thought of the future. Not being alone.
It was gone before I could even plan with him. Another meeting, a date, hanging out. Ripped away by some truce I never agreed to. And I realized I was an idiot and my life wasn’t like the movies, where teenagers come of age with people who love them, people who teach them.
The only thing I ever learned was how to keep going in the storm.
And he’d been mine for a blink.
I demanded Fox do more digging since my uncle still refuses to take my calls.
Turns out, not everything has gone well for Storm.
He’s been in trouble, back in Aben. Where Hawthorn and Cassia technically live but don’t work.
Accused of sexual assault he’d gotten away from.
But Fox told me he now lives with the accuser.
I’ve heard of stranger things. Thinking of it, though, being forgiven and being never alone, it makes my stomach knot up, my nails dig into my palms.
Who is he to have that life? And why do I have this one?
But in some ways, he’s like Lele. Not as friendly, not as vocal, but more magnetic with his presence than I guessed a middleman could have been. If he wanted, his dealing could rival mine in a few years. As it is, I don’t fucking know what he wants. That’s the missing piece of the puzzle, although I’m certain I’ve gotten at least half of it.
The girl.
He likes her.
I’m not quite sure why. In his hands, she could be breakable. But in mine,he is.
Lost in the mystery, my mind wanders down corridors I usually keep locked. All the blood. Sticky and viscous. A door with a surprise inside. A boy throwing his arms around me. Did he scream my name? Did he know me at all?
I think I invented him. I think he helped me survive.
“She’s here.” Fox’s voice shatters my daydreams of revenge and ruin only to drop me into the reality of it.
I smile to myself without opening my eyes, knowing my guard will track her, and if she’s in here, she isn’t leaving anytime soon. Everyone comes to Dark for a show. They never go home disappointed.
She doesn’t wantto leave alone. The man she’s wrapped herself around is attractive, I’ll give her that, and not unlike my brother in some ways. Light hair, light eyes, a square jaw. But unlike Lele, this man has tattoos, and he seems much less drunk than the other patrons of Dark. They’re both seated in an aisle of pews near the back, the last fight on, but by this time, most people are too fucked up to pay attention.
I’ve done my rounds here. Played gracious host, put in face time with people who owe me money and some who owe me blood. Eve is here too, one of the few sober attendees, and seeingher pretty face as she asked quietly after Lele made me think of Lynx and why, exactly, after he drove up and down my street so many times, I haven’t been able to get ahold of him. His indifference to Lele—if he’s somehow heard what happened, and I don’t doubt he has—is making me imagine what it would be like to take his head clean off.
He thinks he trained me to obey him. Mostly, he’s been right. But this is the one line he should know better than to cross.
Falls Church is on my destination list soon. I’ll drag him out of church if I have to. That’s what he taught me, after all.There are no excuses, Lydia, not even blood.
But tonight, instant gratification is my preference, and I’ll get blood too.
So with a nod at Fox, I slip out the heavy front doors, past my own guards, all without a word. In the mid-October night, my heels clack on the stone steps and I glance at the stars overhead, the mountain ranges in the distance. In another life, I’d appreciate all this more. One where I didn’t find myself crawling in my mother’s brain matter as a child. One where memories I’m not so sure are mine seep through my mind like sand slipping from wanting fingers.
