She had brought two coachmen to take turns driving so they wouldn’t have to stay overnight at an inn.She leaned back on the green velvet squabs which made the ride very comfortable.Adam had always hated long trips, so he made sure that he and his family had every convenience when traveling.Elizabeth smiled as she thought of her brother and how he had to have his way.
Jonathan was a different story.He loved to drive a sleek black phaeton, which only seated two people.But then Jonathan had never had to worry about a family.His taste ran more to racing than settling down.He used to brag that his phaeton was much grander than the one the Prince of Wales owned.
Strange that her thoughts had drifted to Jonathan.She presumed it was because she’d been thinking about his father.
Glancing out the window, she saw that morning had dawned and the sky was turning a beautiful azure blue.Small white clouds resembling puffs of smoke dotted the sky.They rode through a field of daisies, and Elizabeth decided it was a perfect day in May.They had been traveling for hours, having left before dawn, but so far the trip had been uneventful.She hoped it stayed that way.There hadn’t been any reports of highwaymen in a long time, so she wasn’t worried about being robbed.
She was pleased that Dawson was playing and not fussing about his confinement.She gazed at the chubby, little, pink-cheeked face and smiled.If she’d done nothing else right, Dawson was one thing she was proud of.He was perfect.
Excitement shimmered in the air; she realized she was happy to be traveling and doing something other than her normal activities.Her life had been simple and routine over the last year, and she was ready for a change.She’d learned to manage Briercliff.She also found she had a rare gift for caring for the sick, so she had taken many trips to St.Ives to visit the townspeople and help out where she was needed.
She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been to Adam’s town house on Park Lane.Trent House was a four-story building made of yellow brick, and looked like every other house on the street.London was so densely populated that the nobility and gentry had to be organized around vertical rather than horizontal space.That’s why she’d always preferred Briercliff, where there was plenty of room and open sky.
It was time for the Season with its whirlwind of parties and balls.She couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen any of the nobility and gentry that would soon be filling London for the Season.She’d kept away for good reason.She didn’t want people asking questions about Dawson.Oh, she already had a story made up about how his father had died and how she was now a widow, but she hated lying, so she kept Dawson her secret.
Elizabeth heard a snap and looked down at Dawson, who held his small wooden horse in one hand and one of the horse’s hooves in the other.Dawson’s lip stuck out as he tried to decide whether he should cry.
Finally, he looked up at his mother and said, “Broke.”
“I see that,” Elizabeth said as she scooped Dawson up onto her lap.She examined the toy before saying, “We’ll have to pretend your horse is hurt until we can get him fixed.”
Dawson studied his toy a little longer before wrapping his arms around it.Laying his head on his mother’s chest, he settled down to sleep.As her child slept, Elizabeth had plenty of time to think.
She was sure she would see many of her old friends, and her secret would come out.Probably most would be married, she thought with a sigh, but as long as she could make them believe her story she could hold her head high.
But that wasn’t the reason she was going to London, she reminded herself.She was making the trip to see Jonathan’s father.If his son couldn’t find time to see his father, then the least she could do was take his place.
She stared out the window, watching the greenery fly by.Unfortunately, just the thought of Jonathan brought his face to her mind.She could almost see him, and her pulse automatically quickened as she pictured his sandy brown hair and blue eyes that used to sparkle so brightly when he was in one of his mischievous moods.
It was one of the things that she’d loved most about him.He had taught her how to laugh at things instead of taking everything so seriously.Then it all changed.
Her memories fell back to the night they’d first made love.
They had been at Four Oaks in her bedroom.It had all started out so innocently.Jewel and Adam had been in New Orleans, and the servants were busy elsewhere, so they were very much alone.Elizabeth had wanted to play a game of chess, but the game was in her room, so she’d told Jonathan to come and help her bring the game board downstairs.
They had just gathered all the playing pieces when Elizabeth accidentally bumped into Jonathan.The chess pieces scattered to the floor ...neither of them had noticed.
She hadn’t known that anything could be so wonderful.They had never intended to consummate their love before marriage, but that night...that wonderful night.
Jonathan had placedhis fingers beneath her chin and lifted her face.At first, he’d placed soft, feather-like kisses on her cheeks and lips.His mouth slanted over hers and his arms went around her with a fierce yet tender possession.She’d slid her hands around his neck, clinging to him and innocently molding her body to his.This was how she’d always imagined it would be.
His tongue touched her lips, and Elizabeth opened her mouth slightly as his tongue slid between them, seizing her with a passion that took her breath away, his tongue stroked and explored.It was wild and deliciously wanton and sensual.She had never imagined desire could be so strong.
His arms tightened about her, and Elizabeth knew then that he was experiencing some of the same pleasure she felt.He aroused yearnings in her that she hadn’t known existed, and suddenly there was an urgency to let him touch her.She began to tremble as her clothing fell to the floor piece by piece.Liquid heat flowed through her body, and she trembled.And then ...
Elizabeth moaned out loud.Her eyes popped open.
“Is anything wrong, mum?”Mary asked with an alarmed expression.
“I—I.No.Nothing.Just having a dream,” Elizabeth managed.How embarrassing.She was living in the past with no hope for the future.She was behaving like a love-struck schoolgirl, when in reality she had to face the fact that she was nothing but a spinster, even if the rest of the world thought she was a widow.She shuddered.Would she ever know real happiness again, or would she have only memories?
Would she ever be able to think of Jonathan and not hurt inside?And what had he been doing since the last time she’d seen him?Had he married?Did she want to know?The thought of Jonathan with another woman made her feel cold and dead inside, as if a part of her were missing.And it was: her heart.
Did love have to be so painful?
She laid Dawson on the seat beside her.Shutting her eyes, Elizabeth pressed her forehead against the window.The sun had eased behind the trees and the shadows had grown long.It wouldn’t be long before dark.Mary had fallen asleep.Maybe a little sleep would do Elizabeth some good, too.
The rocking carriage and fatigue from her early morning departure made it impossible for Elizabeth to keep her eyes open.Soon she fell into an exhausted, dreamless sleep ...sleep where she couldn’t think or wonder about what-ifs.
